Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, May 16, 2017.    

MORE Daffynitions………. 
Dachshund: A dog that is half a dog high and a dog and a half long.
Debate: What lures de fishes.
Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Depart: De white line down de middle of de hair.
Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your way.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.
Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
Elbonics: The art of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a theatre.
Esplanade: To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Extravaganza: The spare vaganza you keep on hand in case you run out of vaganzas.
Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Fine: A tax for doing wrong.
Flabbergasted: Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
Flatulence: Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
Flusterpated: Being so flustered that words get bound up inside you.
Frisbeetarianism: The belief that when one dies, the soul flies up to the roof and gets stuck there.
Gargoyle: Olive flavor mouthwash.
Generica: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Gossip: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
Handkerchief: Cold Storage.
Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.
Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Instigator: What you add water to when you want an alligator.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.
Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
Lasterday: Any day before today.
Left Bank: What the robber did after his bag was full of loot.
Lymph: Walk with a lisp.
Lysdexia: A peech imspediment we live to learn with.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… “A company will make a life-size 3D printed model of yourself that you can send to your mom for $30,000. It’s a great way of telling your mom I’d rather spend $30,000 than visit you in person.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A new study suggests that a chemical released when a person is hungry can
lead to poor decision-making. It’s what Taco Bell calls ‘our entire business model.'” -Seth Meyers
“Netflix is testing a new feature that will allow you to hide what you’ve been
watching. You just click the button and it says, I want to stay married.” -Conan O’Brien


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. My sister, went to the store to check out the bridal registry of our niece whose wedding was coming up soon.
When my sister returned from the store, she tossed the gift list on a table and declared, “I think she’s too young to get married.”
“Why do you say that?” I asked.
“Because,” she said, “they’ve registered for video games.”😎

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

‘Look Paul, I gotta go, um, I’m about to make love not war!’
ANSWER: Steal This Movie! Vincent D’Onofrio took on the role of Abby Hoffman, the infamous
revolutionary of the 60s in the film ‘Steal This Movie’ based on Anita Hoffman’s best-selling novel about her husband.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
  ‘Just get out of the car and shoot him in the head! Just shoot him!’
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….  
Figure out what the trio in each set have in common. As long as each answer is a six-letter plural word, ending in -s.
Example: Railroad, wild animal, music CD: TRACKS
1) Hunting dog
Compass
Scoreboard
2) Dungeon
Jewelry store
Sequence
3) Fish
Sheet music
Dieters
4) Municipal parking lot
Electric utility
Rhythm in verse

  

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….  
More Than One
There are four letters that are anagrams to form six words.
You can cook food in ____.
You need ____ to cover fast food cups.
Red means ____ in certain situations.
A ____ can be found on dirty clothes and animals.
Police officers will ____ a warrant for someone’s arrest.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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