WELCOME to Thursday, May 11, 2017.
Even More Daffynitions…..
Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
Chickens: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
Circumvent: The opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Claustrophobia: The fear of Santa Claus.
Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Cobra: A brasseire for conjoined twins.
Coffee: The person on whom one coughs.
Control: A short, bearded prison inmate.
Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Craughed: To laugh and cry simultaneously.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Dachshund: A dog that is half a dog high and a dog and a half long.
Debate: What lures de fishes.
Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Depart: De white line down de middle of de hair.
Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your way.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.
Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
Elbonics: The art of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a theatre.
Esplanade: To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Extravaganza: The spare vaganza you keep on hand in case you run out of vaganzas.
Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Fine: A tax for doing wrong.
Flabbergasted: Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“In Mexico, the world’s heaviest man, who weighs almost 1,000 pounds, is preparing for surgery. The man said, ‘After years of being unhappy with my appearance, I’m finally getting that nose job.'” -Conan O’Brien
“I read that Facebook is shutting down its virtual reality film studio. People were like, ‘If I wanted to see my Facebook friends in 3D, I’d actually hang out with them.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“The Canadian food inspection agency announced that gin is being recalled. The recall was announced because bottles of Bombay Sapphire gin were found to contain 77 percent alcohol by volume rather than the typical 40 percent. Here’s how you can tell–normally, gin tastes like juniper with hints of lemon and coriander. Seventy-seven percent alcohol gin tastes like regret, with hints of fighting a parking meter.” -Stephen Colbert
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him and addition question. So they uncle asked, “What is three plus four?”
The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, “Seven.”
The uncle said, “Listen kid, you cant count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school, a teacher will get mad at you for it. Now put your hands in your pockets.”
So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his uncle asked, “What is five plus five?”
After a few moments of intense concentration the boy said, “Eleven.”😱😎
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘You said Paris was always a good idea.’
ANSWER: Sabrina! Harrison Ford’s character surprises Julia Ormond’s Sabrina by following her to Paris in this 1995 remake.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Why is it when boys play, they play at killing each other?’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase does this rebus represent?
ANSWER: Attitude Adjustment
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
You can do it in vessels for getting you clean.
You can do it to fabric to stop being seen.
You are doing it when you’ve come up short.
You’ve done it too when you’ve equalled in sport.
This may sound like there should be images but then,
You can do all those things without pencil or pen.
What is the word?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙇🙏
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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