Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, May 9, 2017.           

Really Bad Puns…….  
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and left leg in a car crash?
He’s all right now.😐
“We shot two bucks (in Africa) but that was all the money we had.” – Groucho Marx
“Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.” – Mark Twain
Give some managers an inch and they think they are rulers.
Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
You missed the flea circus. A dog came in and stole the show.
The coffee in my office tastes like break fluid.
My grandson swallowed some coins and was taken to the hospital. When I asked the
doctor how he was, he said, ‘No change yet.’😏
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
Skipping school to go bungee jumping will get you suspended.
A cross-eyed teacher will find it difficult to control his pupils.
She bent over to pick up a sieve and strained herself.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“Today was Star Wars Day, because the day was May Fourth, as in ‘May the fourth be with you.”  And now, it’s technically May Fifth, Cinco de Mayo, as in ‘May the fifth margarita be in you.'” -James Corden
“Scientists have developed a new kind of robot that is able to shoot a gun. In fact, earlier today,  I was carjacked by my Roomba.” -Conan O’Brien
“A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex  while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I’m not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn’t find any.
So I grabbed a harassed and tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?”
The produce guy looked at me and said, “No, sir, you’ll have to do that yourself.” 😎

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

‘What better job in the world than to build a bridge? Bring land over water, bring worlds together.’
ANSWER: The Ghost and The Darkness! Spoken by Val Kilmer’s character John Patterson. This movie is a
true story about two man-eating lions that terrorized workers in Africa. The remains of the two lions can be seen at Chicago’s Field Museum. 
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
‘You’re going down thirty years ago, pal. You just don’t know it yet.’
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….  
I’m full of keys whenever I’m made
I came about wooden when the Renaissance played
Hundreds of years later, I was divided
And two new keys to me were provided
Then in 1760, and that’s forty years later
Three keys were added by Florio, Gedney, and Potter
Around the 80’s of the century mentioned
I was used by Mozart and Haydn
Over the years, new keys were gained
In the 1830’s, Beethoven used me to entertain
Near the end of the 1800’s, or the 19th century
I was used by Brahms, Strauss, and Tchaikovsky
Now, modern renditions are made of me
Without my holes, I wouldn’t be
What am I?
ANSWER: The Flute! The keys are the sounds made. Flutes were wooden in the Renaissance era.

Then in 1720, the middle joint was divided in two, and in turn, two new keys were added. Forty years later, in 1760, three new keys were added.
In the 1780’s (the century mentioned), Mozart and Haydn used the flute in their symphonies. 1782 through 1827, keys were added.
In the 1830’s, Beethoven used the flute in his symphonies. At the end of the 19th century, the flute appeared in the orchestral
pieces of Brahms, Strauss, and Tchaikovsky. Now, flutes are made from metal, wood, and plastic.

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….  
The following three (3) clues are the definitions of words that have been jumbled below and turned into anagrams.
Your job is to correctly unravel the anagrams and then place them next to their proper definition. Good luck!
1. hanging cloth used as a blind.
2. a strong English ale.
3. destined or inevitable.
Jumbled anagrams:
1. nice rat
2. car unit
3. rub not
  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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