Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

17952620_1701037623522011_4450527109335452213_n

WELCOME to Friday, May 5, 2017.          

Funny Legal Definitions:
Affidavit –Davit is first in line. You’re second.
Assault – usually paired with a pepper
Bribe – married to a Groom
Caveat emptor – time to fill up the caveat
Contempt – offering candy to a prison inmate
Contract – acreage owned by a prisoner
Defamation – advice from someone who is hearing impaired
Ex parte – My former husband is a party animal.
Hung jury – Those guys are studs!
Malpractice – what Mal, the doctor, does
Miranda warning – Stay off your porch!
Misdemeanor – daughter of Mr. Demeanor
Mistrial – when you oversleep and are late to court
Oath – what we feed the horsey
Order in the Court – See what the judge will have.
Paralegals – two attorneys
Parole – the way your dad should act
Plaintiff – not a fancy fight
Probate – stuff that really catches fish
Pro bono – when you prefer Sonny over Cher
Rescind – what you do when your first email doesn’t go through
Retainer – Hire her now!
Statutes – created by artists
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“We begin from the recognition that all beings cherish happiness and do not want suffering. It then becomes both morally wrong and pragmatically unwise to pursue only one’s own happiness oblivious to the feelings and aspirations of all others who surround us as members of the same human family.  The wiser course is to think of others when pursuing our own happiness.” Dalai Lama
“Most people would rather be certain they’re miserable, than risk being happy.” Dr. Robert Anthony
“The unhappy derive comfort from the misfortunes of others.” Aesop
“For many men, the acquisition of wealth does not end their troubles, it only changes them.” Seneca
“A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy?” Albert Einstein
“Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.” Bertrand Russell
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving  concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” Elizabeth Kubler-Ross


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got
older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would
win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians
and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare. 😱

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

‘My dear wife, you get something twisted out of your insides by all this blood, filth, and noise.
I want to stay changeless for you. I want to come back to you the man I was before.’

 

ANSWER: The Thin Red Line! Ben Chaplin’s character, Private Jack Bell, writes this to his wife. One of the
best war movies, but unfortunately it didn’t get as much credit as it should because it came out around the same time as ‘Saving Private Ryan’. 
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘I am thinking, I want you. That’s all. I want you.’
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….  
What phrase does this rebus represent?
H
HI
HIS
HIST
HISTO
HISTOR
HISTORY

 

ANSWER: History in the making.

Friday’s Quizzler is……….  

Henry and Gretchen are going to play a game. Henry explains, “You and I will take turns saying numbers. The first person will say a number between 1 and 10. Then the other person will say a number that is at least 1 higher than that number, and at most 10 higher. We will keep going back and forth in this way until one of us says the number 50. That person wins. I’ll start.”
“Not so fast!” says Gretchen. “I want to win, so I will start.”
What number should Gretchen say to start?

 

               

  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s