Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

working_mum

WELCOME to Thursday, May 4, 2017.       

Mother’s Good Advice…….
Over many centuries mothers have given their children plenty of good advice; here are some examples. It must be noted that their authenticity cannot be verified, nevertheless ‘Mother knows best’.
MONA LISA’S MOTHER: After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?
HUMPTY DUMPTY’S MOTHER: Humpty, If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? No!
PAUL REVERE’S MOTHER: I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew.
COLUMBUS’S MOTHER: I don’t care what you’ve discovered, Christopher. You could have written.
BABE RUTH’S MOTHER: Babe, how many times have I told you: quit playing ball in the house! That’s the third broken window this week.
MICHELANGELO’S MOTHER: Mike, can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?
NAPOLEON’S MOTHER: All right, Napoleon. If you aren’t hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it.
CUSTER’S MOTHER: Now, George, remember what I told you: don’t go biting off more than you can chew.
ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S MOTHER: Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can’t you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?
MARY’S MOTHER: I’m not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you.
BATMAN’S MOTHER: It’s a nice car, Bruce, but do you realise how much the insurance is going to be?
GOLDILOCKS’S MOTHER: I’ve got a bill here for a broken chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?
LITTLE MISS MUFFET’S MOTHER: Well, all I’ve got to say is if you don’t get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room there’ll be a lot more spiders around here.
ALBERT EINSTEIN’S MOTHER: But, Albert, it’s your senior picture. Can’t you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something…?
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S MOTHER: The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!
JONAH’S MOTHER: That’s a nice story, but now tell me where you’ve really been for the last three days.
SUPERMAN’S MOTHER: Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we’ve decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?
THOMAS EDISON’S MOTHER: Of course I’m proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“The creators of Fyre Festival, a luxury music festival that left attendees on an island without adequate food, water, shelter, or medical care, are all being sued for $100 million. If you want to attend the trial, tickets start at $5,000.” -Conan O’Brien
“Taco Bell just announced that it will be adding beer to the menu at certain restaurants in Canada. It’s the first time that going to Taco Bell will lead to getting drunk and not the other way around.” -James Corden
“A man in Oregon walked away with minor injuries after he fell asleep in a dumpster and ended up in a trash compacter. It raises a lot of questions, and the answer to all of them is tequila.” -Jimmy Fallon


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….Conjoined twins walk into a pub in Toronto and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, “Don’t mind us, we’re joined at the hip. I’m John, he’s Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers please.”
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. “Been on holiday, lads?”
“Off to England next month,” says John. “We go to England every year, hire a car, and drive for miles, don’t we, Jim?” Jim agrees.
“Ah, England!” says the bartender. “Wonderful Country…the history, the beer, the culture…”
“Nah, we don’t like that British crap,” says John. “Hamburgers and Molson’s beer, that’s us, eh, Jim? And we can’t stand the English; they’re so arrogant and rude, not civil and polite like us Canadians.”
“So why keep going to England?” asks the bartender.
“It’s the only chance Jim gets to drive.”

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

 ‘It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds.’
ANSWER: Tombstone! Spoken by Val Kilmer’s character, Doc Holliday, right before he kills Johnny Ringo. By far Kilmer’s best role!
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
‘My dear wife, you get something twisted out of your insides by all this blood, filth, and noise. I want to stay changeless for you. I want to come back to you the man I was before.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….  
I’m a ten-letter word, but when I am heard,
It is a surprise, but I’m half that size.
My first sound is found when half isn’t around.
When a pair is amiss, the other is called this.
The second has one where normally two form a pair.
You will get the nod if you look in a pod.
Together, my fifth and third hold music that is heard.
A pair you are seeking, alphabetically speaking.
And the fourth sound, it will be found
If you look where I send, in the middle of end.
What word am I?
ANSWER: Expediency (XPDNC)  The five letters, XPDNC, sound just like the ten-letter word expediency.
After a divorce (a couple is amiss), the former partner is called an ex (X). Normally there are two peas in a pod, but here we just want one pea (P).

C and D are beside each other in the alphabet, and together hold music as a CD. In the middle of END is the letter N. 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….  

What phrase does this rebus represent?
H
HI
HIS
HIST
HISTO
HISTOR
HISTORY
  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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