Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday, May 1, 2017.      

What the Doctor says and what he really means……..
Doctor: “This should be taken care of right away.”
Translation: I’d planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
Doctor: “Let me check your medical history.”
Translation: I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.”
Doctor: “We have some good news and some bad news.”
Translation: The good news is, I’m going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you’re going to pay for it.
Doctor: “Let me schedule you for some tests.”
Translation: I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
Doctor: “I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”
Translation: I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
Doctor: “If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”
Translation: I don’t know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
Doctor: “I’d like to run some more tests.”
Translation: I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve it.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… “In Philadelphia, police are looking for a man who robbed a Dunkin’ Donuts, and was caught on a surveillance camera doing some stretches in the parking lot just beforehand. Police are on the lookout for the only health-conscious person to ever enter a Dunkin’ Donuts.” -Conan O’Brien
“United Airlines is investigating a report that a giant rabbit died on a flight from London
to Chicago. He was survived by his wife and 167 children.” -Seth Meyers
“Chris Christie says that he’d give Trump a ‘B’ on his first 100 days. Then said he’d give him
an ‘A’ on immigration, and a ‘C’ on healthcare, and long story short, he ended up just spelling ‘bacon.'” -Jimmy Fallon


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
“Did you give the prisoner the third degree?” the police captain asked the detective.
“Yeah, we browbeat him pretty good,” nodded the other. “Asked him every question and made every threat we could think of.”
“And did you get a confession?” asked the sergeant.
“Not exactly,” explained the officer. “All he’d say was, ‘Yes dear,’ and dozed off.”😌

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

‘To a cop the explanation’s always simple. There’s not a mystery to the street, no arch-criminal behind it all.
If you find a body and you think his brother did it, you’re gonna find out you’re right.’

 

ANSWER: The Usual Suspects!  Spoken by Kevin Spacey’s character, Verbal Kint. ‘Soze’ is Turkish for ‘Verbal.’
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
‘I’m like a bad penny — I always turn up.’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….  
In this teaser, I have given you a saying concealed in the lines below. I have broken up each word into single letters, but have paired the correct letter with an incorrect one. Your task is to remove the incorrect letter and then decide where the words begin and end. Have fun!
DP RL EA ST OE NK CL YE AI SN MN AO RS TE TF HR EA EN JG RU RS TE BC EL OI MN GH ST HI EC DR EY.
ANSWER: Presence is more than just being there. Malcolm Forbes

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

At large in a pond, attract mass in the ring
Find me in circus, see me in the zoo
People think I’m your average pink thing
Yet we know that’s not exactly true
When it comes to balancing
You know whom to bestow the crown to
  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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