Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday, May 31, 2017.  
Here’s the story…….  
English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and
they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The “friends and survivors”
of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed metaphors and posted them on their web site:
“He swept the rug under the carpet.”
“She’s burning the midnight oil at both ends.”
“It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire.”
“It’s time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard.”
“She’s robbing Peter to pay the piper.”
“He’s up a tree without a paddle.”
“Beware my friend…you are skating on hot water.”
“Keep your ear to the grindstone.”
“Sometimes you’ve gotta stick your neck out on a limb.”
“Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter.”
AND that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things,
and I have succeeded fairly well.” –Robert Benchley
“Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations
where the audience members all punch and kick one another.” –George Carlin
“There exists a widespread myth that humans should learn about sex from their parents.
My relationship with my father nearly ended when he tried to teach me how to drive.
I can’t imagine our relationship having survived his instructing me how to have sex.” –Bob Smith
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
Tommy had reached school age. His mother managed with a blast of propaganda to make him enthusiastic about the idea.
She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he’d meet, and so on.
When the first day came, Tommy eagerly went off and came back home with a lot of glowing reports about school.
The next morning when his mother woke him up, he asked, “What for?” She told him it was time to get ready for school.
“What?” he asked. “Again?” 😏😎
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘You’re a hardship discharge if ever I saw one.’
ANSWER: Tigerland! Joel Schumacher made one of the most incredible and underated films about the Vietnam War.
A rebellious comedic private in training, Roland Bozz (Colin Farrell) somehow manages to get three of his fellow soldiers
from going to Vietnam with clever loopholes and compassion.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 ‘I won’t let you hurt me Jerry, I’m too strong for you, loser!’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
A Name Train is a puzzle where each name is connected together like box cars in a train. You are given the first car (the Engine) and the last car (the caboose), and you have to fill in the car or cars in between. Every two consecutive cars will form a name of a person or character. Joan [ ] Li. The answer is Joan Jet Li (Joan Jet-Female singer, Jet Li-Actor) Ready? OK here goes:
1. Matthew [ ] Mason
2. Bruce [ ] Majors
3. Larry [ ] [ ] Fonda
4. Ashley [ ] [ ] Mandela
5. Rick [ ] [ ] [ ] Luther
 
ANSWER: 1. Matthew Perry Mason
2. Bruce Lee Majors
3. Larry King Henry Fonda
4. Ashley Judd Nelson Mandela
5. Rick James Dean Martin Luther
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….   
Which letter comes next in the following sequence?
S, H, E, R, A, W, E, B, __
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, May 30, 2017.          

Men ARE Happier 101…….
Your underwear is $8.95 (or less) for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes – one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY 
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need – but it’s on sale.
WEDDINGS 
Wedding dress $5000.
Tux rental $100.
AND that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… “A group is suing Quaker Oats saying their oatmeal is not 100 percent natural. And it gets worse: The guy on the box? He’s Jewish.” -Conan O’Brien
“Scientists have discovered a species of fish that surrounds itself with uglier fish
in order to look more attractive. However, scientists could not identify which sorority it belongs to.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A man in Ireland has created a working Batman outfit with 23 different
features. So now he just has to sit back and wait for somebody to murder his parents.” -Seth Meyers

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at “Mom” and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened.
“Don’t worry,” she said, “I’ll take care of it.”
A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was “Mom.”
“Martin,” she said, “you left your cell phone at the convenience store.”😐

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

 ‘Maybe I wanna be sterile.’
ANSWER: Empire Records! Ethan Embry’s character, Mark is prohibited from listening
to punk music in the store because A.J. (Johnny Whitworth) said it would make him sterile.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
  ‘You’re a hardship discharge if ever I saw one.’
 
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
When Question Mark unlocked the door, he thought that he would see his wallet straight away. But Skid Mark
(Question’s brother) decided to put the wallet in a safe. The combination is three 2-digit numbers which can be expressed like this:
xx-xx-xx
You are given the following clues to work out the combination:
The total of the three numbers is 39.
The second number is half of the third number.
The first number is the third number minus 1.
Can you find Question’s wallet in time? It’s all up to you.

ANSWER: The combination is 15-08-16. Thank you for helping Question get his wallet back. 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….  
A Name Train is a puzzle where each name is connected together like box cars in a train. You are given the first car (the Engine) and the last car (the caboose), and you have to fill in the car or cars in between. Every two consecutive cars will form a name of a person or character. Joan [ ] Li. The answer is Joan Jet Li (Joan Jet-Female singer, Jet Li-Actor) Ready? OK here goes:
1. Matthew [ ] Mason
2. Bruce [ ] Majors
3. Larry [ ] [ ] Fonda
4. Ashley [ ] [ ] Mandela
5. Rick [ ] [ ] [ ] Luther

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday, May 26, 2017.          

 Merged Books 101….
Merge-Matic Books: Combine the works of two authors, and to provide a suitable description of the merged book.
“Machiavelli’s The Little Prince” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery’s classic children’s tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom are executed.
“Green Eggs and Hamlet” – Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her to a nunnery.
“Where’s Walden?” – Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau in each richly-detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly becomes clear that he is always in the woods.
“Catch-22 in the Rye” – Holden learns that if you’re insane, you’ll probably flunk out of prep school, but if you’re flunking out of prep school, you’re probably not insane.
“2001: A Space Iliad” – The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane 10-year war against the
Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug.
“Rikki-Kon-Tiki-Tavi” – Thor Heyerdahl recounts his attempt to prove Rudyard Kipling’s
theory that the mongoose first came to India on a raft from Polynesia.
“The Maltese Faulkner” – Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam’s struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul along with the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his attempts to understand? Or is it worth a cool mil?
“Jane Eyre James” – Plucky English orphan girl survives hardships to lead the Cavs to the NBA championship.
“Looking for Mr. Godot” – A young woman waits for Mr. Right to enter her life. She has a long wait.
“The Scarlet Pimpernel Letter” – An 18th-century English nobleman leads a double life, freeing comely young adulteresses from the prisons of post-Revolution France.
“Lorna Dune” – An English farmer, Paul Atreides, falls for the daughter of a notorious rival clan, the Harkonnens, and pursues a career as a giant worm jockey in order to impress her.
“The Silence of the Hams” – In this endearing update of the Seuss classic, young Sam-I-Am presses unconventional foodstuffs on his friend, Hannibal, who turns the tables.
“The Remains of the Day of the Jackal” – A formal English butler puts his loyalty to his
employer above all else, until he is persuaded to join a plot to assassinate Charles deGaulle.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Memorial Day weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. – Sam Snead
I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool. – George Brett
Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. – Jim Murray
The only sure rule in golf is: he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. – Mickey Mantle
After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked
my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. – Chi Chi Rodriguez
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. – Brian Weis
Swing hard in case you hit it. – Dan Marino
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. – Lord Robertson
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. – Jack Benny

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard.
The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile,
and give them a, “Thanks for flying XYZ airline.” He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking
the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off
except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sonny, did we land or were we shot down?” 😎

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘I don’t gripe to you. I don’t gripe in front of you. You should know that.’
ANSWER: Saving Private Ryan! One of the best and most realistic films I’ve seen, which is ‘Saving Private Ryan’.
Captain Miller at one point says that he never gripes to those inferior to him, only to his superiors.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
  ‘Maybe I wanna be sterile.’
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
What is the next animal in this series:

Quail, Weasel, Emu, Racoon, -?-

Choose from:
Yak
Turkey
Bumblebee
Ostrich
Tiger
Eland

ANSWER: Turkey! The series alternates between bird and mammal, but at the same time,

the animals begin with the letters from the top row of a QWERTY keyboard. Thus “T” is the next letter,
and the only bird in the list that begins with a “T” is “Turkey”.  Also, “Yak” would be next in the series after Turkey… extra points if you noticed!
 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….  
When Question Mark unlocked the door, he thought that he would see his wallet straight away. But Skid Mark
(Question’s brother) decided to put the wallet in a safe. The combination is three 2-digit numbers which can be expressed like this:
xx-xx-xx
You are given the following clues to work out the combination:
The total of the three numbers is 39.
The second number is half of the third number.
The first number is the third number minus 1.
Can you find Question’s wallet in time? It’s all up to you.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday, May 25, 2017.     

More Punagraphy…
That girl said she met me at a Vegetarian restaurant, but I never met herbivore.
An appeals court has upheld a ban on pitbulls. That’s another victory in the war on terrier.
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all league records were unfortunately lost, so we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
An Indian chief had three wives. The first wife slept on cowhide, the second wife a deerhide and the third on hippopotamus hide. The first gave birth to a baby boy, the second to a baby girl and the third had twins – a boy and a girl. Looking at what happened, the old chief declared, “The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to
the sum of the squaws on the other two hides!”
The man who survived both pepper spray and mustard gas is now well seasoned.
The sign at the rehab center said “Keep Off The Grass”.
Conjunctivitis.com is a site for sore eyes.
I was in a back alley in Fiji, fighting desperately and silently for my life, fighting desperately for oxygen, clawing at the calm and almost gentle pressure of the fabric held over my face by implacable, ebony thighs when I realized – he was killing me softly with his sarong.
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
When the waiter spilled a drink on his shirt, he said, “this one is on me.”
I went to the butcher’s the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf.  He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“A man who ordered a television off of Amazon was shocked because Amazon instead sent him a rifle.
Which means somewhere a hunter is trying to kill a deer by making it watch ‘Real Housewives.'” -Conan O’Brien
“According to a recent survey, 71 percent of men find it attractive when a woman offers to split the bill
on a date. And zero percent of women find it attractive when that offer is accepted.” -Seth Meyers
“Kylie Minogue won a legal battle against Kylie Jenner over the trademark of the name ‘Kylie.’ Yeah,
the judge called the case ‘not why I went to law school.'” -Jimmy Fallon

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A rather youthful Billy Joel was fascinated when he entered the Green Room at the Tonight Show and saw a group
of matronly nuns hastily applying hair color to the noggin of the show’s next guest, Neil Young, whose agent
offered an explanation from the corner of the room: “Only the good dye Young.” 😎

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

 ‘The only reason you are here is because we are supposed to be sucking up to you!’
ANSWER: The Anniversary Party! Alan Cumming and Jennifer Jason Leigh wrote and directed a film
called ‘The Anniversary Party’ together which stars great talents like Parker Posey, Gwyneth Paltrow, and and Kevin Kline.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
  ‘I don’t gripe to you. I don’t gripe in front of you. You should know that.’
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
The following pairs of words can be unscrambled to make two words that go together, like “this & that.”
All pairs follow the same theme. Can you determine what they say?
DARK BOG = ______ + ______
COW MEAT = ______ + ______
ASHES SINK = ______ + ______
BRANDY YOKE = ______ + ______
ANSWER: Dog Bark  Cat Meow  Snake Hiss  Donkey Bray

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….  
What is the next animal in this series:

Quail, Weasel, Emu, Racoon, -?-

Choose from:
Yak
Turkey
Bumblebee
Ostrich
Tiger
Eland

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday, May 24, 2017.     

Worst Country-Western Songs….. 
Get Off the Table, Mabel (the $2 is for the Beer)
I Just Can’t Get Over How You’ve Gotten Over Me
Love Me Like My Dog Does
I Lost Freida on the Freeway
I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me
How Can I Get Over You if You Won’t Get Out from Under Me?
I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
I’ve Got Tears in my Ears from Lyin’ on my Back in my Bed While I Cry Over You
I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife’s Heart
It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your Butt Out All Day Long
I Wanna Check You for Ticks
I Slipped and Fell in Love
Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears
Hair in My Eyes Like a Highland Steer
I Can’t Get Over You, So Why Don’t You Get Under Me?
My Give-A-Darn’s Busted
If I Had My Life to Live Over, I’d Live Over a Delicatessen
If I Were In Your Shoes, I’d Walk Right Back To Me
Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
All My Exes Live in Texas
She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy
You Don’t Have to Call Me Darlin’, Darlin’ – You Never Even Called Me By My Name
Saddle Up the Stove, Ma, I’m Riding the Range Tonight
I Thought She Was Out Jogging, But She Was Running Around On Me
Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of your Heart?
If the Phone Don’t Ring, It’s Me Not Calling You Up
All the Guys Who Turn Me On Turn Me Down
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye
(Pardon Me) I’ve Got Someone To Kill
Peel Me a Nanner
I Don’t Care if it Rains or Freezes, As Long as I Have My Plastic Jesus (Sittin’ on the Dashboard of My Car)
I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2
If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I’d Cry All Night Long
If Love Were Oil, I’d be a Quart Low
Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart was Pure
I Don’t Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy
I Kissed Her on the Lips, and Left Her Behind for You
Her Body Couldn’t Keep You Off My Mind
Her Cheatin’ Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of Me
I Don’t Want Your Body If Your Heart’s Not In It.
I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don’t Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal
I Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond and She Clubbed Me with A Spade
Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed
You’re A Cross I Can’t Bear
At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self-Service Pump
How Come Your Dog Don’t Bite Nobody But Me?
If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
Laugh loudly and carry a big stick of butter. — Paula Deen
Who’s on first, belong to us. — Bud Abbott & Lou Costello
The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that you never know if they are genuine. — Abraham Lincoln
When in doubt, attribute quotes to Mark Twain. — Mark Twain
We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false! — Rush Limbaugh
That’s not a quote! This is a quote! — Crocodile Dundee
It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. — Thomas Edison
Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you. — Albert Einstein
I’ve got a bad feeling about this. — Albert Camus
You are excluded from surf and turf night. You are excluded from ravioli night. You are excluded from chicken cutlet night. — Queen Elizabeth II
One misquote is one too many already! — Caesar Augustus

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
 “Welcome to Las Vegas, Nevada. We’d like to thank you for flying Southwest Airlines, and on behalf of the flight deck we’d also
like to extend a very special and very happy 101st Birthday to a gentleman seated near the front of the aircraft.”
*scattered applause* “So, if you happen to see the Captain on the way out, mind his walker, shake his hand, and wish him
well with another 100 years working here at Southwest Airlines.” 😐

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

  ‘In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times.’
ANSWER: American Beauty! Peter Gallagher’s character, Buddy Kane, a snobby real estate agent comforts Carolyn Burnham
(Annette Bening) right before breaking up with her with a line which is more preposterous than his ideas, in the classic ‘American Beauty.’
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘The only reason you are here is because we are supposed to be sucking up to you!’
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
There are over fifty members in my family;
Yet none quarrel. We all live merrily.
Four leaders have we, all with a bride;
Each has a son who has great pride.
We also have servants who make funny gestures;
But they are hardly used, as they often pester.
The peasants are at the bottom of the line;
Although they outnumber us, they haven’t a right mind.
What are we?

ANSWER: A Deck of Standard Playing Cards, Fifty-four cards in a standard deck. Four Kings, four Queens, and four Jacks. The servants are the Jesters.

The peasants are the number cards.

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….  
The following pairs of words can be unscrambled to make two words that go together, like “this & that.” All pairs follow the same theme. Can you determine what they say?
DARK BOG = ______ + ______
COW MEAT = ______ + ______
ASHES SINK = ______ + ______
BRANDY YOKE = ______ + ______

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, May 23, 2017.      

Lesson in punctuation…… 
Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful.
People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for
other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy–will you let me be yours?
Jane
Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours, Jane
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“This week, a Toyota Land Cruiser set the record as the world’s fastest SUV after
reaching 230 mph. Apparently somebody was really late to their kid’s soccer game.” -Conan O’Brien

 

“A princess in Japan is giving up her royal status so she can marry a commoner. Which is something she’ll definitely bring up in every single fight she has with her husband.
‘Your friends are coming over for dinner? I gave up being a princess for you!'” -Jimmy Fallon
“A company is selling a jacket with a heating mode and a cooling mode. The way it works is, there’s a zipper.” -Seth Meyers


 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Bill had been a wild bachelor all his life, but now that he was getting up there in age, his doctor was getting concerned about him.
“Bill,” advised the doctor, “I can add 15 more years to your life if you will just quit your routine of wine, women, and song.”
Bill thought for a few minutes, then said, “Tell you what doc, I’ll settle for five more years and just give up singing.” 😎

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
‘I never told you, but you sound a little like Dr. Seuss when you’re drunk.’
ANSWER: The Sixth Sense! Right before getting shot, Malcom Crowe (Bruce Willis) is
encountered by one of his former patients, clearly insane, who eventually kills himself right after killing Crowe.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times.’
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….  
Susan needed to go to the store to buy some ingredients to cook with. She started writing them down:
Butter
Milk
Eggs
Baking Soda
Cashews
Oranges
Vinegar
Lemon Juice
What was Susan making?

ANSWER: A shopping list. 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….  
There are over fifty members in my family;
Yet none quarrel. We all live merrily.
Four leaders have we, all with a bride;
Each has a son who has great pride.
We also have servants who make funny gestures;
But they are hardly used, as they often pester.
The peasants are at the bottom of the line;
Although they outnumber us, they haven’t a right mind.
What are we?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday, May 22, 2017.     

Oxymorons 101…..
Religious Education
Logical Guess
Good pun
Great Depression
American Cheese
Closet Claustrophobic
Express Mail
Restless Sleep
Clear as Mud
Friendly Fire
First Annual Awards
Hamburger Steak
Assisted Suicide
Diet Muffin
Woman Driver
Fair Fight
Extreme Mediocrity
Women’s Rights
Literal Interpretation
Awful Grate
Conservative Movement
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“Blue Cross is partnering with Lyft to give people rides to the doctor. It costs $600.
The drivers are specially trained, and – it’s just an ambulance.” -Jimmy Fallon

 

“A company has come out with a robot that makes salad. So finally
– a robot that’s not going to take away any American jobs!” -Conan O’Brien
“A new study released today shows that blotting pizza with a napkin to remove
extra grease can remove an average of 40 calories per slice. So if you’re
looking for an easy way to lose weight, just eat that napkin.” -Seth Meyers

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk. Being
fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.
Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a young woman standing next to him smiling.
Noticing the rather distinct bulge she asked, “What do you have in your pocket?”
“Tennis ball,” the man said, smiling back.
“Wow!” said the woman looking upset. “That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was terrible!”😐😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

 ‘Who cares what psychiatrists write on walls!?’
ANSWER: Twelve Monkeys! Dr. Kathryn Railly (Madeleine Stowe) starts realizing that maybe James Cole
(Bruce Willis) was right about the end of the world. She goes to Jeffrey’s headquarters and after being denied entrance, she spray paints his building.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘I never told you, but you sound a little like Dr. Seuss when you’re drunk.’
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….  
Can you decipher the following common phrase?
T M C
A U O
H S M
W T E

ANSWER: What goes up must come down. 

MOnday’s Quizzler is……….  
Susan needed to go to the store to buy some ingredients to cook with. She started writing them down:
Butter
Milk
Eggs
Baking Soda
Cashews
Oranges
Vinegar
Lemon Juice
What was Susan making?
 
 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙌🙇🙌🙇 🙏

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/