Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, April 5, 2017.                           
Middle of the week Puns…………..
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
Will confiscated a rubber band pistol from his algebra class pistol, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says, ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always. Oprah Winfrey
Sit down and ask yourself, ‘What is the most important thing to me?’ What grosses me out the most? What makes me the most upset — is it healthcare? Is it so many people being hungry in our culture? Is it sexual abuse?  Mix that with doing something you love, something you could keep doing forever and ever. For me it was ending violence against women, and I mixed it with music. And I’ve had a 25-year career. So that’s my advice: Find something you really care about and mix that with something you love doing. — Kathleen Hanna
Do not bring people in your life who weigh you down. And trust your instincts … good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don’t hurt. They’re not painful. That’s not just with somebody you want to marry, but it’s with the friends that you choose. It’s with the people you surround yourselves with. —Michelle Obama
When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier. — Sheryl Sandberg
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
‘So I’m 40, I’m not married, I don’t fly jets, and I don’t have a dog? I grow up to be a loser.’   
ANSWER: Disney’s The Kid! Spoken by Rusty Duritz (Spencer Breslin) to Russ Duritz (Bruce Willis).
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
‘Well, I ain’t sorry for you no more, you crazy, psalm-singing, skinny old maid!’   
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….  
What does this rebus represent?
gloomy turquoise
temperamental cyan
sullen aquamarine
despondent azure
morose cerulean
ANSWER: The Moody Blues
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….  
Fill in the sentence below so that the first two words combine to make the third word. For example, given “The _____ of the group was extremely _____, not just physically, for he was also particularly _____”, you would fill in HEAD, STRONG, and HEADSTRONG.
The guilty _____ fitted the classic _____ for such a character, highlighted by the fact that he looked to constantly _____ his next move.
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE JOB BANKS!  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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