Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday, April 28, 2017.    

Weekend Ponderings…… 
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead?”
What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
Why not modern Latin: VENI, VEDI, VISA – I came, I saw, I shopped.
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
Strange! No one ever says “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and…
If you don’t like my driving, don’t call anyone. Just take another road. That’s why the highway department made so many of them.
When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
Try a little kindness. As little as possible. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
I love playing cards with children. They can’t tell you’re dealing off the bottom of the deck.
Remember: you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar… Of course, how you spend your leisure time is your business.
A man’s best friend is his dog. That’s assuming you want a friend who messes on your carpet and drools on your newspaper.
If I won the lottery, I wouldn’t be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I’d make my boss’s life a living hell for a week or two first.
A rose by any other name would stick you just as bad and draw just as much blood when you grab a thorn.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  “Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” –Nathaniel Hawthorne
“If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.” –Albert Einstein
“Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.” –Anonymous
“Do one thing every day that scares you.” –Anonymous
“What’s the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable.” –Anonymous
“Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” –Lolly Daskal
“Nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.” –Anonymous
“Knowledge is being aware of what you can do. Wisdom is knowing when not to do it.” –Anonymous
“Your problem isn’t the problem. Your reaction is the problem.” –Anonymous
“You can do anything, but not everything. –Anonymous
“Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower.” –Steve Jobs
“There are two types of people who will tell you that you cannot make a difference in this world:
those who are afraid to try and those who are afraid you will succeed.” –Ray Goforth


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry.
A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
“I feel terrible,” he explained. “I accidently hit this rabbit and killed it.”
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 feet. The man was astonished. He couldn’t figure out what substance could be in the woman’s spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, ” What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?” The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said:
“‘Hare Spray’ Restores Life to Dead Hare. Adds Permanent Wave.”😔

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

‘If we’d made love last night, I’d have to stay. Or you’d have to leave.’
ANSWER: Witness! My favorite Harrison Ford movie. He plays John Book, a cop who is forced to take hiding in
Amish country. He says this to Rachel, the Amish woman he has fallen in love even though he knows he can’t be with her. 
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
‘To a cop the explanation’s always simple. There’s not a mystery to the street, no arch-criminal behind it all. If you find a body and you think his brother did it, you’re gonna find out you’re right.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. Can you figure out this rebus?
doCTOR
ANSWER: Dr. Dolittle. In the body, do is little in the word doctor, therefore, Dr. Dolittle.
The title is a hint also by the animal sounds representing the animals that Dr. Dolittle could talk to.

Friday’s Quizzler is………. In this teaser, I have given you a saying concealed in the lines below. I have broken up each word into single letters, but have paired the correct letter with an incorrect one. Your task is to remove the incorrect letter and then decide where the words begin and end. Have fun!

DP RL EA ST OE NK CL YE AI SN MN AO RS TE TF HR EA EN JG RU RS TE BC EL OI MN GH ST HI EC DR EY.
  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday, April 27, 2017.    

10 Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House…..
1. If you can’t find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it’s an improved screwdriver.
2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.
3. Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair… but only if you are working alone.
4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can… many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.
5. If it’s electronic, get a new one.
6. Keep it simple: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the “on” switch; or just paint over it.
7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have fixed it.
8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.
9. If something looks level, it is level.
10. Above all, if what you’ve done is stupid, but it works, then it isn’t stupid.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“American Airlines is under fire after one of its flight attendants allegedly yanked a stroller away from a mother with a baby.
Passengers were outraged that the attendant took the stroller and not the baby.” -Conan O’Brien
“A major food company has recalled two types of frozen hash browns because the potatoes may contain pieces of golf balls.
Doctors say if you’ve already ingested pieces of golf balls, the best thing is to just let them play through.” -James Corden
“A New Jersey restaurant has begun selling a massive taco-covered pizza for $75. ‘Seems a little steep,’ said a
customer who was looking at the three steps in front of the restaurant.” -Seth Meyers


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
But baby pigeon said, “I can’t make it; I’ll get too tired.” His mother said, “Don’t worry; I’ll tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine.”
The baby started to cry.
“What’s wrong?” said the mother.
“I don’t want to be pigeon towed!”😌

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

‘No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.’

     

ANSWER: Dead Poets Society! English teacher John Keating, played by Robin Williams, gives the boys some words to live by. 
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
‘If we’d made love last night, I’d have to stay. Or you’d have to leave.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….  
Beethoven was a lover of teasers of all kinds, and often submitted the following to his friends.
What word can be created when following these directions?
1) Start at D.
2) Go up Eight.
3) Go down Eleven.
4) Go up Five.
What word is it?
ANSWER: Deaf.  Beethoven was a composer, obviously, and utilized the Musical Key in this teaser. When he says “Go up Eleven”, he is referring to the letters “ABCDEFG.” Going up Eight notes from ‘D’ brings us to ‘E’ (because, of course, the musical scale simply repeats itself in the next octave). Going down Eleven notes brings us to ‘A’, and going up Five notes brings us to ‘F’. Hence, DEAF (which, incidentally, Beethoven was).

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….  

Can you figure out this rebus?

doCTOR

  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday, April 26, 2017.    

If the Ten Commandments were Written by Popular Websites…
I. What You Need to Know Now About the Lord Totally Being God
II. At the Beginning He Had Me Confused, but by Minute Two I Knew that I Shouldn’t Have Other Gods
III. Are You Making This Common Mistake with Graven Images?
IV. How I Work: Read This Life Hack from God, Your Only Creator
V. She Admitted to Doing What Every Sunday?
VI. Seven Morning Habits of People Holier than You: #7 No Killing Before Lunch
VII. 37 Things in Your Bedroom That You Need to Get Rid of Right Now, Like Adulteresses
VIII. What the Government Doesn’t Want You to Know About Stealing Your Neighbor’s Servants
IX. This Little Girl Bore False Witness, and the Results Will Shock You
X. Doctors Hate Her, but You Shouldn’t Covet Her 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.” Confucius
“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread,
so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.” Anthony de Mello
“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” Dalai Lama
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the
closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”Helen Keller
“It is more fitting for a man to laugh at life than to lament over it.”Seneca
“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better
than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.”Marcel Pagnol
“If men would consider not so much wherein they differ, as wherein they agree,
there would be far less of uncharitableness and angry feeling in the world.” Joseph Addison


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
We can’t all live on a street with a pleasant name like Oak or Elm. Here are the least popular street names (that we hope don’t exist):
• Drinkand Dr.
• Vicious Circle
• West 943,185th Street
• Psycho Path
• Peoples Ct.
• Nofriggin Way😱

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

 ‘You asked that we should say things — that we should say what we’re thinking and not lie about things.
Well, I can tell you that…that I lost my gun today — and I am not a good cop.’

     

ANSWER: Magnolia! Jim Kurring tells this to Claudia while they are out on their date at the restaurant. 
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
‘No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….  
The abbreviation used for Australian websites is “au” (instead of “.com”). The answers to the following clues all use this abbreviation. The clues do not refer to the words themselves, rather they refer to the word that must be added to the “au”.
1. What might happen to you if you stay out in the Australian sun too long.
2. A strong Australian breeze.
3. Australian seasoning.
4. The Australian god of thunder.
ANSWER: 1. auburn  2. august  3. auspice  4. author

Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. Beethoven was a lover of teasers of all kinds, and often submitted the following to his friends.

What word can be created when following these directions?
1) Start at D.
2) Go up Eight.
3) Go down Eleven.
4) Go up Five.
What word is it?
  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, April 25, 2017.   

Ponderings for the day……
Whatever happened to preparations A through G? (Do we really want to know?)
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
So what’s the speed of dark?
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
If “con” is the opposite of “pro,” then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to “cure” it?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
War doesn’t determine who’s right, just who’s left
It’s a dog eat dog world out there. And they’re short on napkins.
Never trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Married people don’t live longer than single people. It just seems longer.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“I read that after the success of their in-store cafes, Ikea might open its own restaurants. Which is great, until you have to assemble your own table.” -Jimmy Fallon
“An archaeologist is claiming he has discovered an amazing lost city in Kansas. Then he realized he just got drunk and watched ‘The Wizard of Oz.'” -Conan O’Brien
“A packet of McDonald’s discontinued Szechuan sauce from 1998 just sold on eBay for nearly $15,000. This has created such a buzz that McDonald’s is thinking of bringing the Szechuan sauce back. To which the guy who just spent 15 grand said, ‘Wait, you’re going to what now?'” -James Corden


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Also known as ‘women’s intuition,’ this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what’s going on in their man’s lives almost better than they do.
Why is this?
In the early 80’s researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain’s two hemispheres than men do. It’s these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle from seemingly unconnectable pieces…  That, and they go through your stuff while you’re in the shower. 😔

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

‘Come on! Come on! Where are you? You are in the clouds, and we are in a basement!’
ANSWER: The Goonies! Stef says this to Andy after they all go down into the basement to see Sloth, and Andy talks about how cute Brandon is. 
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘You asked that we should say things — that we should say what we’re thinking and not lie about things.
Well, I can tell you that…that I lost my gun today — and I am not a good cop.’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….  
I’m seven times seventy,
Plus a decade more.
This has all happened before.
Red and gold, I am no liar.
My nursery will be made
From my funeral pyre.
Who am I?
ANSWER: The phoenix! The phoenix, in mythology, is a fabulous bird that periodically regenerated itself, used in literature as a symbol of death and resurrection. According to legend, the phoenix lived in Arabia; when it reached the end of its life (500 years), it burned itself on a pyre of flames, and from the ashes a new phoenix arose. As a sacred symbol in Egyptian religion, the phoenix represented the sun, which dies each night and rises again each morning. According to Herodotus, the bird was red and golden and resembled an eagle.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….  

The abbreviation used for Australian websites is “au” (instead of “.com”). The answers to the following clues all use this abbreviation. The clues do not refer to the words themselves, rather they refer to the word that must be added to the “au”.
1. What might happen to you if you stay out in the Australian sun too long.
2. A strong Australian breeze.
3. Australian seasoning.
4. The Australian god of thunder.
  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday, April 24, 2017.   

Short Medical Jokes…….
1) Long and Short of the Problem
Adam, an elderly man was seated in the doctor’s waiting room. When he was called in to see the doctor, Adam slowly got up, and, grasping his cane and hunching over, slowly made his way into the examining room.
After only a few minutes, Adam emerged from the room, walking completely upright. Paul, another patient who had watched him hobble into the room all hunched over, stared in amazement. ‘That must be a miracle doctor in there.’ he exclaimed. ‘What treatment did he give you? What’s his secret?’
Adam stared at Paul and said, ‘Well, the doctor looked me up and down, analysed the situation, and gave me a cane that was four inches longer than the one I had been using.’
2) Struck Down?
Ronan kept going to the ophthalmic doctor because his eye hurt and the doctor finally discovered his problem. The Doc told him, ‘Your eye hurts when you drink tea, so you can’t drink tea.’
Ronan stuttered, ‘But I love tea.’ Funny Doctors’ Jokes
The doctor replied, ‘Okay, as long as you take the spoon out.’
3) Time Cures
‘Doctor Mayo,’ John says, ‘Whenever I get up after a sleep, I feel dizzy for half an hour, then I’m all right.’
‘Then wait for half an hour before getting up,’ replies Doctor Mayo conclusively.
4) Home – Or Away?
A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. ‘Oh, it was very disappointing,’ he said. ‘I didn’t kill a thing. I’d have been better off staying here in the hospital.’
5) Father – Or Son?
Iain speaks frantically into the phone, ‘My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart.’
‘Is this her first child?’ the doctor queries.
‘No, you idiot.’ Iain shouts. ‘This is her husband.’

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…  
“Scientists are now claiming that every hour spent running increases your lifespan by seven hours. In other words, a majority of Americans died three years ago.” -Conan O’Brien
“A high school boy in Georgia got the local police to help him stage a drug bust in order to ask a girl to prom. The police say they loved helping the two with the prom-posal, and look forward to seeing them together on prom night when they arrest them for underage drinking.” -James Corden
“Tax Day normally falls on April 15, but they moved it this year because the 15th was a Saturday, and I think it’s illegal to make people do math on Saturdays. It’s weird that the government more or less just trusts us to tell them how much we owe them. A restaurant wouldn’t do that.” -Jimmy Kimmel


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.
“Can I talk to a real person?” a caller asked.
“I am real,” I said.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” the caller said. “That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something?”😱

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

‘I don’t know — maybe you could, like, buy a horse and some diamonds.’
ANSWER: Pretty Woman! Kit says this to Vivian when they meet by the pool at the hotel and Vivian tells her all about Edward. 
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘Come on! Come on! Where are you? You are in the clouds, and we are in a basement!’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….  
What does this mean?
ENTURY
ANSWER: Long time no see (Century – C = ENTURY)

Monday’s Quizzler is……….  

I’m seven times seventy,
Plus a decade more.
This has all happened before.
Red and gold, I am no liar.
My nursery will be made
From my funeral pyre.
Who am I?
  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday, April 21, 2017. 

Tech Support Jokes…

Seeing Stars
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars. 😱
Touch and Go
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.😔
Circular argument
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
Local difficulty
Customer: My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I can’t get in.
Advisor: Has he forgotten it?
Customer: No he just won’t tell me it because I’ve grounded him.
Language difficulty
Customer: ‘How do you spell ‘Internet America’ ? Is there a space between ‘inter’ and ‘net’ ?’
Tech Support: ‘No space between ‘inter’ and ‘net’ . It’s spelled normally.’
Customer: ‘Ok. A-M-E-R-I-C-K?’ Tech Support: ‘That’s A-M-E-R-I-C-A.’ Customer: ‘I-C-K???’
Tech Support: ‘A as in apple’ Customer: ‘There’s no ‘K’ in apple!’
No comment
Customer: I met a man on the internet, can you give me his phone number?
Customer: How do I change channel on my monitor?
Advisor: Your monitor won’t have channels like a TV.
Customer: But I was watching the internet channel the other day and now I just get the word processing channel. 😔
Customer: My mouse mat isn’t wired up.
Advisor: I’m not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn’t have any wires.
Customer: Well how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?
Customer: ‘My disk ran out of space when trying to save my Word document, so I changed it from double spaced to single spaced and it still wouldn’t fit!’
Advisor: ‘Press any key to continue.
Customer: I can’t find the ‘Any’ key.😱

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES… “There is joy without gratitude” ~ Brene Brown
“At times our own flame goes out, and is rekindled by a spark from another person… Each of us had cause to think, with great gratitude, of those who have lighted the flame within us.” ~ Albert Schweitzer
“Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.” ~ Karl Barth
“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation
is not to utter words but to live by them>” ~ John F. Kennedy
“When you love what you have, you have everything you need.” ~ Unknown😁
“Be thankful for what you have, you’ll end up having more”  Oprah Winfrey
“Nothing os more honored than a grateful heart.” ~ Seneca
“Gratitude and Thanksgiving is more than an attitude, it’s a lifestyle.” ~ Jenni Mullnix
“If the only prayer you ever say is “Thank You”, that would be enough.” ~ Eckhart Tolle


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land, and the leader of the captors said, ‘We’re going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish.’
The Englishman responds, ‘I’d like to hear “God Save The Queen” just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.’
The Irishman replies, ‘I’d like to hear “Danny Boy” just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O’Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.’
The Welshman answers, ‘I’d like to hear “Men Of Harlech” just one more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir.’
The Scotsman says quickly, ‘I’d like to be shot first.’😔

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

‘Joe, is it O.K. if I leave the couch? ‘Cause I’m gonna leave the couch now, O.K.? My a– is falling asleep, so I gotta go. I’m leaving.’

      

ANSWER: Empire Records! Said by Lucas after Joe banishes him to the couch for taking all the money from Empire Records and gambling
it away in Atlantic City. He takes a couch cushion with him as he gets up. 
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
‘I don’t know — maybe you could, like, buy a horse and some diamonds.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….  
P is to L.
M is to OK.
Hence, D is to ___
ANSWER: RT, RTS, or RTED.

P is to L forms PISTOL.
M is to OK forms MISTOOK.
The only letters you can add to DISTO to form a word is RT, RTS, or RTED, forming DISTORT, DISTORTS, or DISTORTED.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….  
What does this mean?
ENTURY

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER QUIZZING BANKS!🙌🙌🙌

  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday, April 20, 2017. 

Here’s the story……..

Several men are in the locker room of the golf club. A mobile phone on the bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function
and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$90,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house
I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $580,000 for it.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $550,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra thirty thousand if it’s what you really want.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”
MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

That’s my and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES… “A couple from Florida just set a record by taking their 200th Carnival Cruise. The couple said, ‘What can we say, we love diarrhea.'” -Conan O’Brien
“A new study finds that if you’re drunk around sober people, you’ll think you’re less drunk than if you’re
around other drunk people. And if you’re drunk around sober people, chances are you’ve got a problem.” -Jimmy Fallon
“On a bittersweet note, the world’s oldest person has died in Italy at the age of 117. It’s tragic; she died in
a knife fight with the world’s second-oldest person. I’m kidding! Do you know how she died? Bungee-jumping.” -James Corden


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. There was a teenage boy who worked in the produce section of the local market. A man
came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter. So he walked into the back and said,
“There’s some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce.” As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing
right behind him, so he added, “and this here gentleman wants to buy the other half…”
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager called on the boy and said, “You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you
got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?”
The boy replied, “Canada, Sir.”
“Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?” asked the manager.
The boy replied, “They’re all just up-tight, homely women and hockey players up there.”
“Really,” replied the manager, “My wife is from Canada!”
The boy replied, “No kidding! What team did she play for?”😁

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
‘I don’t want to be the materialistic weasel here, but do you think we’ll get hazard pay?’

      

ANSWER: Armageddon! Spoken by Rockhound (Steve Buscemi) to Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis). 
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘Joe, is it O.K. if I leave the couch? ‘Cause I’m gonna leave the couch now, O.K.? My a– is falling asleep, so I gotta go. I’m leaving.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….  
Can you decipher this common phrase:
PICT RES
ANSWER: You ought to be in pictures.

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….  

P is to L.
M is to OK.
Hence, D is to ___

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER QUIZZING BANKS!  🙏🙏🙏🙏🙇

  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/