Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, March 27, 2017.                         

Laws of Funny Feline Physics Relativity Jokes….
Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force – such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable for the cat, as possible.
Law of Cat Elongation: A cat can make her body long enough to reach any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Obstruction: A cat must lie on the floor in a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES… “Amazon Prime has made it possible to have beer and wine delivered to your home by Alexa. All you have to do is say the phrase, ‘Alexa, Daddy’s sad.'” -Conan O’Brien

“In international news, police in Italy have arrested 10 people for stealing more than $250,000 in fine wine and gourmet cheese. Yes, their motive is they were hosting a book club. When the police caught them, they said the thieves were armed and extremely constipated.” -James Corden
“A new study suggests that not all psychopaths are bad. ‘Thank you,’ said people who pour the milk in before the cereal.” -Seth Meyers

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place.   My wife who was trying to feed her said to me, “Straighten her up.” I looked at my daughter and said, “What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It’s time to grow up and take some responsibility.” My wife hasn’t asked me to help with her since.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

‘If you think that Mick Jagger will still be doing the whole rock star thing at age 50, you are sadly, sadly mistaken.’

ANSWER: Almost Famous! Spoken by Dennis Hope (Jimmy Fallon). 
 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 

‘I know something of a woman in a man’s profession. Yes, by God, I do know about that.’     

 
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Shipwrecked we are, once a proud crew,
Evening finds us, stranded and few;
Victory was ours, but now has its cost,
Even so, we must count the lost.
Now we see, only several have survived,
To think our crew, at thirty arrived,
Everyone at rest, we must ask you,
Engage in the counting, how many are the few?
Now I have given the clue, it’s all up to you.

ANSWER: If you did not click, The head’s off at a flick, Of my cutlass so sharp and keen, If you did not see seventeen; My words merely distracted you, The answer lay in plain view, In the form of the first letter of each line. And to the ones with observant eyes, I hope we will meet on the sea, beyond the skies.

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….  
A science teacher told his after school class, “Whoever can get this egg into this smaller glass bottle will win no homework for a week! The rules are: the egg has to go into the bottle in one piece, and you can’t break the bottle. You can also use anything in the science lab. So, do we have any volunteers?”
A boy raised his hand and the teacher pointed at him. The boy took the egg and looked around the science lab for the things he could use. He saw some writing paper, a pack of matches, some vinegar, a sink, and the glass bottle. By the end of the after school class, the boy had gotten the egg into the smaller bottle.  How did he do it?
Note that, without doing anything to the egg, the egg can’t fit into the bottle.
 
                    

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

 

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