WELCOME to Thursday, March 23, 2017.
Extracts from Real Resumes….
1. ‘I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.’
2. ‘I have lurnt Word for Widows, computor operations and spreasheet progroms.’
3. ‘I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.’
4. ‘Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.’
5. ‘Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.’
6. ‘Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.’
7. ‘It’s best for employers that I not work with people.’
8. ‘Let’s meet , so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.’
9. ‘You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.’
10. ‘Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.’
11. ‘I was working for my mom until she decided to move.’
12. ‘Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.’
13. ‘I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.’
14 ‘I am loyal to my employer at all costs….Please feel free to respond to my résumé on my office voice mail.’
15. ‘I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing. ‘
16. ‘My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.’
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…“Scientists believe they may have found a plant that is over a billion years old. Turns out it’s the lettuce on a Carl’s Jr. burger.” -Conan O’Brien
“Today is the first day of spring! Yep, it’s that day when millions of Americans look at their bodies
in the mirror and ask, ‘Can we get, like, two more months of winter?'” -Jimmy Fallon
“A Canadian woman last week proposed to her boyfriend at a hockey game with a bouquet of Doritos
made to look like roses. It even spawned a new flavor – Nacho Boyfriend Anymore.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence with two words. Ten years go by and
it’s one monk’s first chance to speak. He thinks for a while before saying, “Food bad.”
Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.”
A decade later and it’s the big day again. He gives the head monk a long stare and finally says, “I quit.”
“I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘You’re right, you’re right, I know you’re right!’
ANSWER: When Harry Met Sally… Spoken by Marie (Carrie Fisher) to Sally Albright (Meg Ryan).
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I appreciate this whole seduction thing you have going on here, but let me give you a tip: I’m a sure thing.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
ANSWER: Get up and go
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, I have given you a 9-letter word. Your job is to break up this word into 9 separate letters and place them on the dashes
to spell a 7-letter word, a 5-letter word, and a 3-letter word. You can use each letter only once.
_ N _ M _ R _
_ O _ O _
_ I _
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER SOLVING BANKS.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com, www.stlzoo.org