Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, March 8, 2017.                       

Children’s Humor From the Classroom….
Moira was struggling to get the tomato ketchup out of the bottle. As she was trying the phone rang and her 4 year old daughter, Mia, answered it saying, ‘Sorry, mummy can’t come to the phone at the moment because she’s hitting the bottle.’
Roger, the local police/school liaison officer was in Green Barn Primary School, Sherborne, Dorset, UK, on an official visit when Mary, age 6, approached him. ‘Are you a policeman?’ Mary asked. ‘Yes,’ answered Roger smiling. ‘My mum said if I was ever in trouble then I ought to ask a policeman for help. Is that true?’ ‘Of course,’ uttered Roger. ‘Then will you please tie my shoelace?’ said Mary.
Jenny was watching her daddy getting dressed in his dinner jacket [tuxedo] before the party. ‘You shouldn’t wear that, daddy,’ she murmured. ‘Why, darling?’ inquired her father of Jenny. ‘Well you know it always gives you a headache in the morning, said Jenny.’
Chris was driving his 4 year old, Betsy, to the beach one summer when a woman in a cabriolet in front stood up and waved. She was absolutely naked and as Chris was recovering from the shock he heard Betsy shout,’ Look, daddy, that woman isn’t wearing a seat belt.’
Maggie, was an infant school teacher, and on her first day with the reception class [1st graders] at Northern Primary, Portchester, a little girl gave her a note which said: ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of her parents.’
Steve, age 6 years, became lost in the sports complex known as HMS Temeraire, the Royal Navy Physical Training centre in Portsmouth, UK. Seeing a ladies locker room [changing facility] in front of him he darted in to ask for help. When he was spotted the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. Steve watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’
Jack, the Westbourne village police officer, parked his van outside the police station in Havant and was about to collect his police dog, a German shepherd, from the back. The dog was barking rather loudly and a little boy who was watching asked the policeman, ‘Is that a dog you’ve got there?’ ‘Yes,’ smiled Jack. The little boy looked extremely puzzled and eventually asked, ‘What did he do?’
Paul, while working for ‘meals-on-wheels’, an organisation that delivers lunches to the elderly, Paul used to take his 4-year-old daughter, Lois, with him on his afternoon rounds. Lois was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the walking sticks, triangular walkers and the wheelchairs. One day Paul found Lois staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As he prepared himself for the inevitable barrage of questions, Lois merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy is never going to believe this.’
Nathan, after his first day at school, returned home and told his mother, ‘I’m wasting my time at school. I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk.’
Father John, while walking along the pavement in front of his church, heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.  Apparently, his 5-year-old son, Rory, and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and some cotton wool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.  Rory, the minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said, ‘Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.’ That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES… “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt, This is My Story

“The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.”
― Isaac Asimov
“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life. ” Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget, that until the day God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words, ‘Wait and Hope.” ― Alexandre Dumas
“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”
― Confucius

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. The young couple invited their aged Vicar for Sunday lunch. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son, what they were having. ‘Goat, ‘the little boy replied.  ‘Goat?’ replied the startled man of the cloth, ‘Are you sure about that?’  ‘Yep’, said the youngster. ‘I definitely heard Dad say to Mum, we might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.’😌

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “When you borrow something and don’t tell anyone, they call that stealing.”

ANSWER: The Rocketeer! Spoken by Peevy Peabody (Alan Arkin) to Cliff Secord (Billy Campbell). The exciting adventures of a 1930s pilot who finds a rocket that allows him to fly, and uses it and his wits to foil the Nazis. Starring: Billy Campbell, Jennifer Connelly, Timothy Dalton, and Alan Arkin. 
 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “We’re growing a strange crop of agnostics this year.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Which noun, from group B, belongs in group A?
Why?
Group A
Man,
Foot,
Child,
Tooth,
Mouse.
Group B
Girl,
Hand,
Adult,
Toe,
Goose.

ANSWER: Goose. The others in group B, can be pluralised by adding an S. The nouns in group A have the word changed to a different word to make a plural.


 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 

Recorded by three hands,
I have no bounds.
People use me constantly,
My vastness astounds.
I’m used around the world,
Organized by ancient cultures.
Through me all things happen,
Children become geezers.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

 

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