Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, March 3, 2017.                      

Things My Mother Taught Me……
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You’d better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
My mother taught me LOGIC.
” Because I said so, that’s why.”
My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the shops with me.”
My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”
My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”
My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”
My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”
My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
My mother taught me HUMOUR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”
My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…   “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” ― Dr. Seuss

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
― Bernard M. Baruch
“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”
― William W. Purkey
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches
“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
― Rob Siltanen

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. An elderly woman was returning home from a Thursday mid-week service at her local church.  As she unlocked her door, an intruder startled her. She caught the man in the very act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, ‘STOP! Acts 2:38!’

The burglar stopped in his tracks.
The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer handcuffed the man to take him to gaol, he asked the burglar, ‘Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was quote a scripture to you.’
‘Scripture?’ replied the burglar. ‘I thought the lady had an axe and two 38’s!’😁

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “It is not our abilities that tell us what we truly are. It is our choices.”

ANSWER: Harry Potter and The Chamber Of Secrets! Spoken by Professor Albus Dumbledore (Richard Harris) to Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe). The second installment in the Harry Potter serial. In this film, Harry finds himself being accused of opening the dreaded Chamber of Secrets. Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Richard Harris, Robbie Coltrane, and Dame Maggie Smith 
 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “You call this a happy family? Why’d we have to have all these kids for anyways?” 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What car is represented below?
100 1 5 1 100

ANSWER: Civic.  Convert the numbers to roman numerals: 100 = C, 1 = I, and 5 =V. 
 

 

 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is………. 

Each statement describes two words that when fused together create a new unrelated word (not a compound word). The clues do not necessarily indicate in which order the two words are attached. Example: This is the oldness of a tablet (pill + age = pillage).
1) This is a royal golf score.
2) This is what you get from a bovine tongue.
3) This is a distant object.
4) This is a country of water barriers.

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT SOLVING BANKS! 🙇🙇🙇

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

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