Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, March 2, 2017.                     

 Mother’s Good Advice…..
Over many centuries mothers have given their children plenty of good advice. Here are some examples. It must be noted that their authenticity cannot be verified, nevertheless ‘Mother knows best’.
MONA LISA’S MOTHER: After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that’s the biggest smile you can give us? HUMPTY DUMPTY’S MOTHER:
HUMPTY DUMPTY’S MOTHER: Humpty, If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? No!
PAUL REVERE’S MOTHER: I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew.
COLUMBUS’S MOTHER: I don’t care what you’ve discovered, Christopher. You could have written.
BABE RUTH’S MOTHER: Babe, how many times have I told you: quit playing ball in the house! That’s the third broken window this week.
MICHELANGELO’S MOTHER: Mike, can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?
NAPOLEON’S MOTHER: All right, Napoleon. If you aren’t hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it.
CUSTER’S MOTHER: Now, George, remember what I told you: don’t go biting off more than you can chew. ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S MOTHER: Again with the stovepipe hat
ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S MOTHER: Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can’t you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?
MARY’S MOTHER: I’m not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you.
BATMAN’S MOTHER: It’s a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?
GOLDILOCKS’S MOTHER: I’ve got a bill here for a broken chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?
LITTLE MISS MUFFET’S MOTHER: Well, all I’ve got to say is if you don’t get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room there’ll be a lot more spiders around here.
ALBERT EINSTEIN’S MOTHER: But, Albert, it’s your senior picture. Can’t you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something…?
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S MOTHER: The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!
JONAH’S MOTHER: That’s a nice story, but now tell me where you’ve really been for the last three days.
SUPERMAN’S MOTHER: Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we’ve decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?
THOMAS EDISON’S MOTHER: Of course I’m proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES… “Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It’s perfect for the drinker who wants all the calories of alcohol but none of the fun.” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study found that women think men holding a guitar are more attractive, even if they are not playing it. In a related story, guys with an accordion will die alone.” -Jimmy Fallon
“YouTube temporarily pulled a New York zoo’s live stream of a giraffe giving birth. A zoo spokesman said that their YouTube cam had been reported as containing nude content. All animals are nude! Every one of them is nude except for your neighbor’s dog who has to wear those stupid dog outfits that he clearly hates.” -James Corden

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me! Mommy said we came from monkeys.” His father replied, “No, your mother was talking about her side of the family.” 😔

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “One fine night, they leave the pool hall, heading for the dance at the armory. Libertine men, and scarlet women, and ragtime! Shameless music that will grab your son, your daughter in the arms of a jungle animal instinct!”  ANSWER: The Music Man! Sung by Professor Harold Hill (Robert Preston) to the citizens of River City. A musical about a con-man attempting to coerce the naive and simple citizens of an Iowa town into purchasing band uniforms and instruments for their youth. Starring: Robert Preston, Shirley Jones, Buddy Hackett, and Hermione Gingold.  

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “It is not our abilities that tell us what we truly are. It is our choices.” 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Created I was, in 1841,
By someone with the name of an evil one,
He was a Belgian, living in Paris,
This man had to be very zealous.
Fourteen of me, this young man made,
Some above A, but not quite B,
With some higher than D, but lower than E,
And some that are C, and three halves above D,
That’s why my popularity’s so easy to see.
Golden with lacquer, I usually am,
I sometimes am used to honor Uncle Sam,
Patented I was in 1846,
I’m the one who gives some their kicks,
I’m shaped like a J – with a hook on the end,
So, can you tell what I am?

ANSWER: A Saxophone. Created I was, in 1841, By someone with the name of an evil one, He was a Belgian, living in Paris, This man had to be very zealous. Adolphe Sax invented the saxophone in 1841. Adolphe Sax’s name has a resemblance to Adolf Hitler, an evil one indeed… Fourteen of me, this young man made, Some above A, but not quite B, With some higher than D, but lower than E, And some that are C, and three halves above D, That’s why my popularity’s so easy to see. Sax made 14 different types of saxes. Seven pitched in C and F (F is three half-steps above D, hence three halves above D), and seven pitched in Eb (That’s E Flat for you non-musicians, which is above D and lower than E) and Bb (above A and not quite B).  Golden with lacquer, I usually am, I sometimes am used to honor Uncle Sam.  Saxes are usually golden, and the covering is referred to a lacquer. Saxes are also used in Military bands, thus “honoring Uncle Sam”  Patented I was in 1846, I’m the one who gives some their kicks, I’m shaped like a J-with a hook on the end, Most saxes are J shaped with a hook with the exception of the Soprano Sax. Many Jazz enthusiasts get their “kicks” or enjoyment from saxophone players.
 

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 

What car is represented below?
100 1 5 1 100

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

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