Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, March 1, 2017.                     

My Mama always said……
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house, 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound [3 stone] boy wearing batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 foot room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.  When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.  A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’ , it’s already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCRs do not eject ‘PB & J’ sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens
20. The fire department in Austin, Texas has a 5-minute response time.Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without permission.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES… “Hollywood is a place where they’ll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.”  –Marilyn Monroe

“If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.”
–Jay Leno
“A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.”
–Thomas Mann

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. Visiting Doctor Ross last month Paula, a long retired schoolteacher, explained in some detail her problems while he listened very patiently.  ‘Now, Paula,’ said Doctor Ross, ‘you say you have shooting pains in your neck, aching knees, frequent dizzy spells, and constant nausea. Just for the record, how old are you?’ ‘Ah, yes,’ Paula spoke brightly, ‘I’ll be 49 on my next birthday.’ ‘Really?’ commented the doctor quietly,  ‘I see you have slight memory loss, too.’😁

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I enjoy being afraid of Russia. It’s a harmless fear, but it makes America feel better and Russia gets an inflated sense of self-worth from our paranoia. How’s that?”

ANSWER: St. Elmo’s Fire! Spoken by Kevin Dolenz (Andrew McCarthy) to Jules (Demi Moore). 
 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “One fine night, they leave the pool hall, heading for the dance at the armoury. Libertine men, and scarlet women, and ragtime! Shameless music that will grab your son, your daughter in the arms of a jungle animal instinct!”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Which word is suggested by:
“Midday starting block last of the Mohicans second in command bottom of the barrel second guess at wit’s end beginning of the end starting line early years”?

ANSWER: ABSOLUTELY

midday = middle of the word day = A

starting block = 1st letter of block = B
last of the Mohicans = S
second in command = O
bottom of the barrel = L
second guess = U
at wit’s end = T
beginning of the end = E
starting line = L
early years = Y

 

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 

Created I was, in 1841,
By someone with the name of an evil one,
He was a Belgian, living in Paris,
This man had to be very zealous.
Fourteen of me, this young man made,
Some above A, but not quite B,
With some higher than D, but lower than E,
And some that are C, and three halves above D,
That’s why my popularity’s so easy to see.
Golden with lacquer, I usually am,
I sometimes am used to honor Uncle Sam,
Patented I was in 1846,
I’m the one who gives some their kicks,
I’m shaped like a J – with a hook on the end,
So, can you tell what I am?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

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