Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, March 31, 2017.                         

WEEKEND PUNS……………..
What was Forrest Gump’s email password? “1forrest1”
A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.
I’m no photographer, but I can picture us together.
I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na..
Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.
I hate insects puns, they really bug me.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean? A: Nothing, they just waved.
I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
I am so poor I can’t even pay attention.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
My math teacher called me average. How mean!
I swear to drunk I’m not God, but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school, and don’t do vegetables.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
Which day do chickens hate the most? Friday.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. (UnoJaman

😁

)

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES… 1. “One day you will kiss a man you can’t breathe without and find that breath is of little consequence.” ― Karen Marie Moning, Bloodfever

2. “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” ― Dr. Seuss
3. “There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.” ― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever
4. “I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” ― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets (JenniferStrayUNOthis)

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  There was a tribe in Africa which was very fierce and warring…they would battle all the tribes in the area, and they always won. As a victory trophy, they would take the throne of the chief of the defeated tribe and carry it home, chanting victory chants and singing the whole way. When they got home, they would put the throne in the attic of the grass hut. This went on for quite some time, and soon the throne collection grew, adding to the prestige of the tribe.

One day, they battled a tribe of farily large people, some might call them giants. They won, and they struggled to get the throne home…but the chanting and joyesness prevailed as usual. When they got home, they had the ritual of putting the throne in the attic of the grass hut, but the weight was too much. The ceiling collapsed, killing everyone on the tribe.
The moral: People who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

‘I’ve never been alone with a man before, even with my dress on. With my dress off, it’s MOST unusual.’

ANSWER: Roman Holiday! Spoken by Princess Ann (Audrey Hepburn) to Joe Bradley (Gregory Peck). 
 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Love to! Love the bags, love the shoes, love everything. Love to!’

 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
The letter “o” has been removed from the following words. Can you guess them all?
1) utdr
2) bnxius
3) drus
4) nlker
5) nmatpeia
6) ppsitin
7) rthdx
8) cckat
9) prtbell
10) vd

ANSWER: 1) outdoor   2) obnoxious   3) odorous  4) onlooker  5) onomatopoeia  6) opposition  7) orthodox  8) cockatoo  9) portobello   10) voodoo

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….  
TTTTIIIIMMMMEEEE
AB DE
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SMOOTH SOLVING BANKS!  
                                       
                    

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, March 30, 2017.                       

Today’s Puns…………

Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.
Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Crooks.
I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
Why doesn’t the bike stand by itself? Because it’s two tired.
Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.
A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got myshelf to blame.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES… “Industry experts are speculating that Chipotle could be planning to add breakfast options. Of course, Chipotle already has a breakfast option. It’s the half a burrito you woke up next to.” -Seth Meyers

“A school in Tennessee is facing criticism for separating students with bad grades from students with good grades at lunch. Thats crazy! You dont use grades to separate kids. Everyone knows that kids should be separated by clothes, looks, and how much money their parents make.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny’s while sober.” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: “I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.”

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

‘Blane? Blane? That’s an appliance, not a name!’

ANSWER: Pretty In Pink! Spoken by Duckie (Jon Cryer) to Andie Walsh (Molly Ringwald). 
 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 

‘I’ve never been alone with a man before, even with my dress on. With my dress off, it’s MOST unusual.’

 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
As you may know, a group of fish is called a “school”, a group of lions is called a “pride”, and a group of seagulls is called a “flock”. Some are a little more unusual. See if you can guess what animals belong to the following groups:
Crash
Exaltation
Mob
Murder
Parliament
Pod
Sounder

ANSWER:  Crash – Rhinoceros  Exaltation – Lark  Mob – Kangaroo  Murder – Crow  Parliament – Owl   Pod – Whale   Sounder – Pig/Hog

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….  
The letter “o” has been removed from the following words. Can you guess them all?
1) utdr
2) bnxius
3) drus
4) nlker
5) nmatpeia
6) ppsitin
7) rthdx
8) cckat
9) prtbell
10) vd
 
                    

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, March 29, 2017.                         

More Pondering………..
Why is it called a “building” when it is already built?
Why do they call them “apartments” when they are all stuck together?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy’s Law, will something keep going wrong?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
How can someone “draw a blank”?
Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”?
Why is the word “abbreviate” so long?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
What is another word for “thesaurus”?
When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
Why doesn’t “onomatopoeia” sound like what it is?
Why do ‘tug’boats push their barges?
Why do we sing ‘Take me out to the ball game’, when we are already there?
Why are they called ‘stands’ when they’re made for sitting?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Why does one get in trouble for WRECKless driving?
Does a fish get cramps after eating?
Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school. – Albert Einstein

Many books require no thought from those who read them, and for a
very simple reason; they made no such demand upon those who wrote them. – Charles Caleb Colson
Whosoever wishes to know about the world must learn about it in its particular details.
Knowledge is not intelligence.
In searching for the truth be ready for the unexpected.
Change alone is unchanging.
The same road goes both up and down.
The beginning of a circle is also its end.
Not I, but the world says it: all is one.
And yet everything comes in season.
– Heraklietos of Ephesos
Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep
proving your talent to people who have none. – Jules Renard

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him.

Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant “Take another drink”! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, “Take another drink”! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out.
The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left…. then to the right…. right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, “That boy should have quit while he was a head.” 😱
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

‘Cecile! Keep your legs closed! This isn’t Jamaica!’    

ANSWER: Cruel Intentions! Spoken by Mrs. Caldwell (Christine Baranski) to Cecile Caldwell (Selma Blair).  
 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘Blane? Blane? That’s an appliance, not a name!’

 
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
There is a common English word that is nine letters long. Each time you remove a letter from it, it still remains an English word – from nine letters right down to a single letter. What is the original word, and what are the words that it becomes after removing one letter at a time?

ANSWER: The base word is startling   starting – staring – string – sting – sing – sin – in – I starling – staring – string – sting – sing – sin – in – I

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….  
As you may know, a group of fish is called a “school”, a group of lions is called a “pride”, and a group of seagulls is called a “flock”. Some are a little more unusual. See if you can guess what animals belong to the following groups:
Crash
Exaltation
Mob
Murder
Parliament
Pod
Sounder
 
                    

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, March 28, 2017.                         

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a
sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous.
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right–only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, Notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…“Researchers say much of Florida could be underwater by the end of the century. On the bright side, they say it could happen much sooner.” -Conan O’Brien

“It’s the first day of spring, so congratulations to the people of Nebraska, who survived winter. Now all you’ve got to do is get through severe thunderstorm and tornado season.” -James Corden
“The U.S. Surgeon General released a statement this week that said more Americans should start going on walks. Then to everyone’s surprise, he added, ‘Even if you’re just going out to have a smoke. Just stand up for once.'” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?”

The man replies, “all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious…Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything — meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything.”
“Well,” says the dentist, “that’s probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It’s eaten away your upper plate. I’ll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome.” “Why chrome?” asks the patient.
To which the dentist replies, “It’s simple. Everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

‘I know something of a woman in a man’s profession. Yes, by God, I do know about that.’     

ANSWER:  Shakespeare In Love! Spoken by Queen Elizabeth I (Judi Dench).
 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘Cecile! Keep your legs closed! This isn’t Jamaica!’

 
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
A science teacher told his after school class, “Whoever can get this egg into this smaller glass bottle will win no homework for a week! The rules are: the egg has to go into the bottle in one piece, and you can’t break the bottle. You can also use anything in the science lab. So, do we have any volunteers?”
A boy raised his hand and the teacher pointed at him. The boy took the egg and looked around the science lab for the things he could use. He saw some writing paper, a pack of matches, some vinegar, a sink, and the glass bottle. By the end of the after school class, the boy had gotten the egg into the smaller bottle.
How did he do it?  Note that, without doing anything to the egg, the egg can’t fit into the bottle.

ANSWER: First, soak the egg in the vinegar which softens the shell without compromising the egg. Next, take some of the writing paper and shred it into pieces. Take the shredded pieces and put them into the glass bottle. Take a match and light a fire inside the bottle with the shredded paper. After, take the vinegar-soaked egg and put it on the top of the bottle so no oxygen can get into the bottle. The fire can’t live without any oxygen so it will try to suck oxygen from the entrance which the egg is blocking. When the fire does this, the fire becomes like a vacuum. So, basically, the fire sucks the egg into the bottle to try to get the oxygen. After a short while, the shell will reharden and that’s how the egg got into the bottle.

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….  
There is a common English word that is nine letters long. Each time you remove a letter from it, it still remains an English word – from nine letters right down to a single letter. What is the original word, and what are the words that it becomes after removing one letter at a time?
 
                    

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, March 27, 2017.                         

Laws of Funny Feline Physics Relativity Jokes….
Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force – such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable for the cat, as possible.
Law of Cat Elongation: A cat can make her body long enough to reach any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Obstruction: A cat must lie on the floor in a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES… “Amazon Prime has made it possible to have beer and wine delivered to your home by Alexa. All you have to do is say the phrase, ‘Alexa, Daddy’s sad.'” -Conan O’Brien

“In international news, police in Italy have arrested 10 people for stealing more than $250,000 in fine wine and gourmet cheese. Yes, their motive is they were hosting a book club. When the police caught them, they said the thieves were armed and extremely constipated.” -James Corden
“A new study suggests that not all psychopaths are bad. ‘Thank you,’ said people who pour the milk in before the cereal.” -Seth Meyers

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place.   My wife who was trying to feed her said to me, “Straighten her up.” I looked at my daughter and said, “What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It’s time to grow up and take some responsibility.” My wife hasn’t asked me to help with her since.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

‘If you think that Mick Jagger will still be doing the whole rock star thing at age 50, you are sadly, sadly mistaken.’

ANSWER: Almost Famous! Spoken by Dennis Hope (Jimmy Fallon). 
 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 

‘I know something of a woman in a man’s profession. Yes, by God, I do know about that.’     

 
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Shipwrecked we are, once a proud crew,
Evening finds us, stranded and few;
Victory was ours, but now has its cost,
Even so, we must count the lost.
Now we see, only several have survived,
To think our crew, at thirty arrived,
Everyone at rest, we must ask you,
Engage in the counting, how many are the few?
Now I have given the clue, it’s all up to you.

ANSWER: If you did not click, The head’s off at a flick, Of my cutlass so sharp and keen, If you did not see seventeen; My words merely distracted you, The answer lay in plain view, In the form of the first letter of each line. And to the ones with observant eyes, I hope we will meet on the sea, beyond the skies.

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….  
A science teacher told his after school class, “Whoever can get this egg into this smaller glass bottle will win no homework for a week! The rules are: the egg has to go into the bottle in one piece, and you can’t break the bottle. You can also use anything in the science lab. So, do we have any volunteers?”
A boy raised his hand and the teacher pointed at him. The boy took the egg and looked around the science lab for the things he could use. He saw some writing paper, a pack of matches, some vinegar, a sink, and the glass bottle. By the end of the after school class, the boy had gotten the egg into the smaller bottle.  How did he do it?
Note that, without doing anything to the egg, the egg can’t fit into the bottle.
 
                    

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, March 24, 2017.                         

Mothers In History……
Michelangelo’s Mother: Can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?
Paul Revere’s Mother: I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew.
Mona Lisa’s Mother: After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?
George Washington’s Mother: The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye.
Mary’s Mother: I’m not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you.
Columbus’s Mother: I don’t care what you’ve discovered, you still could have written.
Napoleon’s Mother: All right, if you aren’t hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me.
Thomas Edison’s Mother: Of course I’m proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed.
Abraham Lincoln’s Mother: Again with the stovepipe hat? Can’t you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?
Albert Einstein’s Mother: But it’s your senior picture. Can’t you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something…?
Jonah’s Mother: That’s a nice story. Now tell me where you’ve really been for the last forty years.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES… “Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph.  Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be.” – Zig Ziglar

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”– Herman Cain
“Do not be embarrassed by your failures, learn from them and start again.”– Richard Branson
“Success is simple. Do what’s right, the right way, at the right time.”– Arnold H. Glasgow
“Victory is sweetest when you’ve known defeat.”– Malcolm S. Forbes“Action is the foundational key to all success.”– Pablo Picasso
“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother,
the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” – Albert Ellis
“I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure which is: Try to please everybody.” – Herbert B. Swope

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede*. They gather around the Robin, the guide, who explains, ‘This is the spot where the Barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta.’

A fellow at the front of the group asks, ‘When did that happen?’
‘1215,’ answers Robin the guide.
The man looks at his watch and says, ‘Gee, hey everybody – we just missed it by a half hour.’

😱
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

‘I appreciate this whole seduction thing you have going on here, but let me give you a tip: I’m a sure thing.’

ANSWER: Pretty Woman! Spoken by Vivian Ward (Julia Roberts) to Edward Lewis (Richard Gere). 
 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 

‘If you think that Mick Jagger will still be doing the whole rock star thing at age 50, you are sadly, sadly mistaken.’

TODAY’S MOVIE DIVA AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD. GREAT TRIVIA SOLVING KIM!       
 
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, I have given you a 9-letter word. Your job is to break up this word into 9 separate letters and place them on the dashes
to spell a 7-letter word, a 5-letter word, and a 3-letter word. You can use each letter only once.
TEMPORARY
_ N _ M _ R _
_ O _ O _
_ I _

ANSWER:  1. ANYMORE  2. MOTOR  3. RIP

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….  
Shipwrecked we are, once a proud crew,
Evening finds us, stranded and few;
Victory was ours, but now has its cost,
Even so, we must count the lost.
Now we see, only several have survived,
To think our crew, at thirty arrived,
Everyone at rest, we must ask you,
Engage in the counting, how many are the few?
Now I have given the clue, it’s all up to you.
 
 
                    

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

marriage_o_174840

WELCOME to Thursday, March 23, 2017.                         

Extracts from Real Resumes….
1. ‘I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.’
2. ‘I have lurnt Word for Widows, computor operations and spreasheet progroms.’
3. ‘I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.’
4. ‘Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.’
5. ‘Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.’
6. ‘Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.’
7. ‘It’s best for employers that I not work with people.’
8. ‘Let’s meet , so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.’
9. ‘You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.’
10. ‘Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.’
11. ‘I was working for my mom until she decided to move.’
12. ‘Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.’
13. ‘I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.’
14 ‘I am loyal to my employer at all costs….Please feel free to respond to my résumé on my office voice mail.’
15. ‘I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing. ‘
16. ‘My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.’
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…“Scientists believe they may have found a plant that is over a billion years old. Turns out it’s the lettuce on a Carl’s Jr. burger.” -Conan O’Brien

“Today is the first day of spring! Yep, it’s that day when millions of Americans look at their bodies
in the mirror and ask, ‘Can we get, like, two more months of winter?'” -Jimmy Fallon
“A Canadian woman last week proposed to her boyfriend at a hockey game with a bouquet of Doritos
made to look like roses. It even spawned a new flavor – Nacho Boyfriend Anymore.” -Seth Meyers

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence with two words. Ten years go by and

it’s one monk’s first chance to speak. He thinks for a while before saying, “Food bad.”
Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.”
A decade later and it’s the big day again. He gives the head monk a long stare and finally says, “I quit.”
“I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

‘You’re right, you’re right, I know you’re right!’

ANSWER: When Harry Met Sally… Spoken by Marie (Carrie Fisher) to Sally Albright (Meg Ryan).
 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I appreciate this whole seduction thing you have going on here, but let me give you a tip: I’m a sure thing.’

 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Decipher this:
T
E
GO

ANSWER:  Get up and go 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….  
In this teaser, I have given you a 9-letter word. Your job is to break up this word into 9 separate letters and place them on the dashes
to spell a 7-letter word, a 5-letter word, and a 3-letter word. You can use each letter only once.
TEMPORARY
_ N _ M _ R _
_ O _ O _
_ I _
 
 
 
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!  SUPER SOLVING BANKS.                                         

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org