Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, February 27, 2017.                   

Clever Phrases….
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?  He’s all right now.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can’t stand alone, it is two tired.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…  “A college student in Pennsylvania is suing her school for the C+ she got in a class. She said, ‘I’m suing whoever’s responsible for this!’ And her professor said, ‘Don’t you mean WHOMEVER?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A recent report shows that pot smokers get into fewer car crashes than drunk people. Then again, it’s easier to see what is coming when you’re driving at 11 miles-an-hour.” -Conan O’Brien
“A restaurant here in New York has started selling a so-called ‘New Yorker milkshake’ which comes topped with whipped cream and a slice of cheesecake. Which means the next topping you’ll get is a coffin lid.” -Seth Meyers

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text; “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.” He replied, “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”😱

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I am not deceitful! If I were, I should say I loved you!”

ANSWER: Jane Eyre! Spoken by Jane Eyre (Anna Paquin) to Mrs. Reed (Fiona Shaw). The story of a young governess who falls in love with her brooding and mysterious employer in Victorian England. Starring: Charlotte Gainsbourg, Anna Paquin, William Hurt, Elle MacPherson, and Joan Plowright.

 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Some people say that you have to forgive and forget. I don’t know…I say forget about forgiving and just accept.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
My history is long in telling,
Though my origins are unknown.
I watch the tender earth most carefully,
Clothed in discards long disowned.
I guard against the raucous poachers,
Praying for a gust of wind that will animate my lifeless form.
The autumn winds will signal the completion of my job.
Maybe if I had a brain I’d choose to move south for the winter.
Who am I?

ANSWER: A Scarecrow.

 

 

 

 
Monday’s Quizzler is………. 

What common phrase is represented by this rebus?

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LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

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