WELCOME to Wednesday, February 15, 2017.
Steven Wright 101……
If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I’ll let you have the pen!
What do batteries run on?
Are there any questions?
I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.
I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it. You know, you turn it upside down then you turn it back and it starts to snow. I bought one, except this has a snow plow that does it in rows.
[Later] I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it… Just checking.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Why is it, “A penny for your thoughts,” but, “you have to put your two cents in?” Somebody’s making a penny.
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
I had a dream that all the victims of The Pill came back… Boy, were they mad!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney…
I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I’m in a submarine that’s been hit.
It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is, it’s always room temperature.
I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading. So, I got some flip-up contact lenses.
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
I filled out an application that said, “In Case Of Emergency Notify”. I wrote “Doctor”… What’s my mother going to do?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday day people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… “Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.” –William Shakespeare, “All’s Well That Ends Well”, Act 1 Scene 1
“Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself.”
“Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.”
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!”
Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh, am I driving?”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You’re a vegetarian? That’s okay. I’ll make lamb.”
ANSWER: My Big Fat Greek Wedding! Spoken by Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin) to Ian Miller (John Corbett). Based on Nia Vardalos’ one-woman show, this film tells the story of a Greek woman’s massive and over-the-top wedding to a non-Greek. Starring: Nia Vardalos, John Corbett, and Andrea Martin.
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I look handsome, I look smart! I am a walking work of art!”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
I had a mistress, with beauty and grace,
With a curious hand and fair of face.
She was the first on earth, and made of clay.
I was a gift to Epimethius on their wedding day.
The Gods, they warned her to let me be.
But none of their warnings did she heed.
You see, my mistress was alone one day,
When to me her inquisitive hand did stray.
She gave you sickness, destruction, and greed,
And all of the things from which evil does feed.
But do not be angry, do not mope.
The last she gave you? It was hope.
What am I and who was my mistress?
ANSWER: The poem is written from the point of view of Pandora’s Box; “my mistress” refers to Pandora. According to Greek mythology, Pandora was created out of clay. Before Pandora, there were only men on earth. Pandora was fashioned by Zeus as part of his punishment for Prometheus’ theft of the secret of fire. She was gifted with beauty, grace, musical talent and a gift for healing. Finally, Zeus gave her curiosity. He gave her as a gift to Epimethius and presented the box as her dowry, telling them both not to open it. Pandora’s curiosity got the better of her and she opened the box releasing all the evil that is in the world today. However, some good came from it; at the bottom of the box was hope.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Change the position of just one of the words below so that all the words are in an alphabetical sequence:
llama, phoenix, hyena, alligator, beaver, elephant, tortoise, antelope
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com, www.stlzoo.org