WELCOME to Tuesday, February 14, 2017.
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Do blind Eskimos heave seeing-eye sled dogs?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
Why call it “take” a dump, when you leave something behind?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why call then hot water heaters if the water is already hot?
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
If there’s no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose?
Why do they put braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines?
How did a fool and his money GET together?
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Valentines day people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… “The Baltimore airport just got a gym where you can work out while you wait for a flight. Finally combining the two things Americans love most – waiting in airports and exercise.” -Jimmy Fallon
“For Valentine’s Day, some KFCs are letting you send a loved one a heart-shaped bucket of fried chicken. And even better, if you really hate someone, you can send them two buckets.” -Conan O’Brien
“The British tabloid, The Mirror, published a story about a woman who faked her own death to break off a relationship after the man wouldn’t leave her alone. Ahh, yes, the old ‘It’s not you, I’m dead’ approach.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The nurse asked for my height and weight and I blurted out, “Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds.”
While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother leaned over to me. “Sweetheart,” she gently chided, “this is not the Internet.”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.”
ANSWER: Bridget Jones’s Diary, Spoken by Bridget Jones (Renee Zellweger). The heartwarming and humorous struggles of a flawed British woman and her attempts at happiness. Starring: Renee Zellweger, Colin Firth, and Hugh Grant.
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You’re a vegetarian? That’s okay. I’ll make lamb.”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What does this rebus represent?
ANSWER: 3D glasses. Shades is a synonym of glasses
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
I had a mistress, with beauty and grace,
With a curious hand and fair of face.
She was the first on earth, and made of clay.
I was a gift to Epimethius on their wedding day.
The Gods, they warned her to let me be.
But none of their warnings did she heed.
You see, my mistress was alone one day,
When to me her inquisitive hand did stray.
She gave you sickness, destruction, and greed,
And all of the things from which evil does feed.
But do not be angry, do not mope.
The last she gave you? It was hope.
What am I and who was my mistress?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com, www.stlzoo.org