Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, February 10, 2017.                

English…. 
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…  Occasionally in life there are those moments of unutterable fulfillment which cannot be completely explained by those symbols called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible language of the heart. Martin Luther King, Jr. Minister, Civil Rights Activist

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in the quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Mary Jean Irion, Writer, Poet
I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot…and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that’s precisely why I succeed. Michael Jordan, Retired Professional Basketball Player, Businessman
We cannot succeed at anything if we are not prepared to fail–Perfect example–a young child stands at least one more time than he falls. GORDON WELLS, ELIZABETH CITY, NC

 

 

 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement; before being locked away, each is to be granted a year’s supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.
The Scotsman asks for a year’s supply of whisky; it’s given to him and he’s locked away.
The Irishman asks for a year’s supply of Guinness so he’s locked up with several thousand bottles of it.
The Englishman asks for a year’s supply of cigarettes and he’s given a pile of cartons and the cell door is shut on him.
One year later, the doors are all unlocked.
The Scotsman staggers out and shouts, ‘I’m free!’ and then keels over dead from alcohol poisoning.
The Irishman is dragged out into the light, whereupon he promptly dies of liver failure.
When the door to the Englishman’s cell is opened, everybody watches eagerly to see what sort of a wreck the man has made of himself.
To their surprise, he walks right out the door, sidles up to the first person he sees, and asks, ‘I say you wouldn’t happen to have a match, would you?’

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I’d be the worst possible godfather. I’d probably drop her on her head at her Christening. I’d forget all her birthdays until she was 18. Then I’d take her out and get her drunk, and, let’s face it, probably try to shag her.”

ANSWER: About A Boy! Spoken by Will (Hugh Grant) to Christine (Sharon Small). The story of an amoral British chap who meets a young boy who changes his life. Starring: Hugh Grant, Toni Collette, and Rachel Weisz.

 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “This sonic transducer, it is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibratry-physio-molecular transport device?” 

 

 

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….You die and the devil says he’ll let you go to heaven if you beat him in a game. The devil sits you down at a perfectly round table. He gives himself and you an infinite pile of quarters. He says, “OK, we’ll take turns putting one quarter down, no overlapping allowed, and the quarters must rest flat on the table surface. The first guy who can’t put a quarter down loses.” You guys are about to start playing, and the devil says that he’ll go first. However, at this point you immediately interject, and ask if you can go first instead. You make this interjection because you are very smart and can place quarters perfectly, and you know that if you go first, you can guarantee victory. Explain how you can guarantee victory.

ANSWER: You place a quarter right in the center of the table. After that, whenever the devil places a quarter on the table, mimic his placement on the opposite side of the table. If he has a place to place a quarter, so will you. The devil will run out of places to put a quarter before you do.

Friday’s Quizzler is………. 

I am a cylinder
Made up of many squares.
Spinning like a paint roller,
I offer my bounteous fare.
I can be soft and gentle,
But I am abhorred when I am not.
I am often found waiting until,
the need arises on the spot.
I am not the most charming,
But I am found in most homes.
I’m nowhere to be found? Alarming!
Often, nearby is a mirror and combs.
I blot a little here;
I wipe clean there.
You need me to be near;
A tug, a pull, a roll and I tear.
What am I?

     

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

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