Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, February 9, 2017.                

Is Your Thursday As Bad As This?
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000 USD. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from tree hugging onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale.
A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe, leaving her mentally retarded.
In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from ‘flu he came down eight hours short of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his ‘phone and electricity had been cut off.
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Ipod.
Two animal rights protesters were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.
There now. Your day’s not so bad, is it? That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES… “The world’s most expensive Lego brick, made out of 14 karat gold, just sold online for $15,000. The new owner says he’s pleased to add it to his collection and it just got vacuumed up by his mom.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Advertisers paid more than $5 million for a 30-second Super Bowl commercial, which seems like too much money to remind us that avocados exist. Isn’t running an ad for avocados on Super Bowl Sunday too late? It’s the one day of the year we’re already eating avocados.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“A man ate 409 chicken wings to become champion of Philadelphia’s Wing Bowl over the weekend, which was unfortunately too many words to fit on his tombstone.” -Seth Meyers

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, ‘Important; wake me at 5:00AM.’ He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, ‘It is 5:00AM. Wake up.’
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “I don’t believe in hell. I believe in unemployment, but not hell.”  

ANSWER: Tootsie! Spoken by Michael Dorsey (Dustin Hoffman) to Jeff Slater (Bill Murray). The hilarious story of an out-of-work actor who resorts to dressing as a woman to get work. Starring: Dustin Hoffman, Jessica Lange, and Teri Garr. 

 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “I’d be the worst possible godfather. I’d probably drop her on her head at her Christening. I’d forget all her birthdays until she was 18. Then I’d take her out and get her drunk, and, let’s face it, probably try to shag her.”

 

 

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

What same three letters fit into the following five combinations to form 5 words?
E _ _ _ P
_ _ _ C K
S _ _ _ S H
L I _ _ _ D
T E _ _ _ L A

ANSWER:  

QUI.
EQUIP
QUICK
SQUISH
LIQUID
TEQUILA

 
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. You die and the devil says he’ll let you go to heaven if you beat him in a game. The devil sits you down at a perfectly round table. He gives himself and you an infinite pile of quarters. He says, “OK, we’ll take turns putting one quarter down, no overlapping allowed, and the quarters must rest flat on the table surface. The first guy who can’t put a quarter down loses.” You guys are about to start playing, and the devil says that he’ll go first. However, at this point you immediately interject, and ask if you can go first instead. You make this interjection because you are very smart and can place quarters perfectly, and you know that if you go first, you can guarantee victory. Explain how you can guarantee victory.

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! PURE GENIUS WORK BANKS!                         

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

 

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