Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

c09cce24045a8408c9c4548c5838e0f6

WELCOME to Tuesday, February 28, 2017.                    

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 50s, 60s and 70s!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren’t overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms…WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL.
And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES… “Nintendo is releasing a video game that lets you simulate taking care of a baby. When they heard this, gamers said, ‘Hey, call me when you have one that simulates MAKING one.'” -Conan O’Brien

“Today was International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day. There’s a party later tonight, but I heard it’s going to be a real snausage fest.” -Seth Meyers
“A new study found that most people cant go 10 minutes without lying. But since the study took 20 minutes nobody knows what to believe.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  A wife asked her husband, “Honey, could you please run to the store and get a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.”

A while later the husband returned with a case of quart milk cartons.
Staring incredulously at the 12-pack case of milk, his wife asked, “Why the hell did you buy so much milk?”
Her husband said, “They had eggs.”😱😔

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Some people say that you have to forgive and forget. I don’t know…I say forget about forgiving and just accept.”

ANSWER: Grosse Pointe Blank! Spoken by Debi Newberry (Minnie Driver) to Martin Blank (John Cusack). The outlandish yarn about a hitman with a heart returning for his ten-year high school reunion. Starring: John Cusack, Minnie Driver, and Dan Akyroyd. 
 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “I enjoy being afraid of Russia. It’s a harmless fear, but it makes America feel better and Russia gets an inflated sense of self-worth from our paranoia. How’s that?”

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What common phrase is represented by this rebus?
ccollaboratorrmateicomrademaccomplicee

ANSWER: “Partners-in-crime” Synonyms of “partner” are in the word “CRIME”: C collaborator R mate I comrade M accomplice E.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 

Which word is suggested by:
“Midday starting block last of the Mohicans second in command bottom of the barrel second guess at wit’s end beginning of the end starting line early years”?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!  SUPER SOLVING BANKS!  🙌🙌🙌

     

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

Advertisements

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

16938697_1678970242395416_9044142477774108523_n

WELCOME to Monday, February 27, 2017.                   

Clever Phrases….
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?  He’s all right now.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can’t stand alone, it is two tired.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…  “A college student in Pennsylvania is suing her school for the C+ she got in a class. She said, ‘I’m suing whoever’s responsible for this!’ And her professor said, ‘Don’t you mean WHOMEVER?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A recent report shows that pot smokers get into fewer car crashes than drunk people. Then again, it’s easier to see what is coming when you’re driving at 11 miles-an-hour.” -Conan O’Brien
“A restaurant here in New York has started selling a so-called ‘New Yorker milkshake’ which comes topped with whipped cream and a slice of cheesecake. Which means the next topping you’ll get is a coffin lid.” -Seth Meyers

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text; “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.” He replied, “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”😱

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I am not deceitful! If I were, I should say I loved you!”

ANSWER: Jane Eyre! Spoken by Jane Eyre (Anna Paquin) to Mrs. Reed (Fiona Shaw). The story of a young governess who falls in love with her brooding and mysterious employer in Victorian England. Starring: Charlotte Gainsbourg, Anna Paquin, William Hurt, Elle MacPherson, and Joan Plowright.

 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Some people say that you have to forgive and forget. I don’t know…I say forget about forgiving and just accept.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
My history is long in telling,
Though my origins are unknown.
I watch the tender earth most carefully,
Clothed in discards long disowned.
I guard against the raucous poachers,
Praying for a gust of wind that will animate my lifeless form.
The autumn winds will signal the completion of my job.
Maybe if I had a brain I’d choose to move south for the winter.
Who am I?

ANSWER: A Scarecrow.

 

 

 

 
Monday’s Quizzler is………. 

What common phrase is represented by this rebus?

ccollaboratorrmateicomrademaccomplicee

     

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

0d262d3a9febc0a99d4ed3503ec18546

WELCOME to Friday, February 24, 2017.                  

Wise Sayings………
Fools rush in where fools have been before.
It’s called “take home” pay because you can’t afford to go anywhere else with it.
Success is relative; the greater the success, the more relatives.
If at first you succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
You must have learned from others’ mistakes. You haven’t had time to think all those up yourself.
People like criticism; just keep it positive and flattering.
It’s OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.
Worry kills more people than work because more people worry than work.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind, and narrowness of the waist, change places.
When you’re getting kicked from behind, at least it means you’re in front.
Misers aren’t much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
Some people are like blisters. They don’t show up until the work is done.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
The one who snores will fall asleep first.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…  You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. – Mae West

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong’. Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night’.
– Charles M. Schulz
Life is a journey but don’t worry, you’ll find a parking spot at the end.
– Isaac Asimov
Life is much more manageable when thought of as a scavenger hunt as opposed to a surprise party.
– Jimmy Buffett
Life is like photography.  You use the negative to develop.
– Swami Beyondananda (Steve Bhaerman)
You should not confuse your career with your life.
– Dave Barry
Life is a game, the first rule of which is that it is not a game.
– Alan Watts

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  A Year 5 teacher was giving her Primary pupils a lesson in developing logical thinking. ‘This is the scene’, said the teacher.

‘A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?’
A little girl raised her hand and asked, ‘To draw out all his savings?’😱

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “How fickle is woman!”

ANSWER: Gone With The Wind! Spoken by Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) to Scarlett O’Hara (Vivien Leigh). The epic romance telling the story of a feisty young woman of the Old South and her life before, during, and after the Civil War. Starring: Vivien Leigh, Clark Gable, Leslie Howard, and Olivia de Havilland.
 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “I am not deceitful! If I were, I should say I loved you!”

 

 

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Today Mooey has a challenging test from his mentor. He must spell all the words correctly. If he does, he will become a mentor, and teach other cows! Mooey studied as hard as he could the night before his challenge. He is on the last word of the list, and is scared! He is sure that the first 19 words are correct, but the last word is always a secret bonus word. Can you help Mooey?
Mentor: The last word is actually two words. It is your name. (Mooey’s last name was Mooer)
Mooey was shocked! The bonus word was always extra-hard! He was just about to scrape “Mooey Mooer” in the mud, when he thought of something. It ended up making him a mentor. What did Mooey scrape in the mud?

ANSWER: The answer was “your name”. When Mooey thought of this, he realized his mentor was trying to trick him! Because of his thinking, Mooey was made a mentor!

 

 
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 

My history is long in telling,
Though my origins are unknown.
I watch the tender earth most carefully,
Clothed in discards long disowned.
I guard against the raucous poachers,
Praying for a gust of wind that will animate my lifeless form.
The autumn winds will signal the completion of my job.
Maybe if I had a brain I’d choose to move south for the winter.
Who am I?
 TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS. 🙏 🙌

     

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

39312627chccd_sm

WELCOME to Thursday, February 23, 2017.                 

Funny Proverbs – According to 6 year old Grade School Students…………..
Mary taught first grade.  She had a class of twenty-five adorable 6 yr old students.  One day Mary gave each child the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to write in the remainder of the proverb.  It’s hard to believe these funny proverbs were actually written first graders.  While reading the results, keep in mind that these are only first graders, just 6 years old.
No news is……………………….impossible.
Love all, trust………………….. me.
An idle mind is……………………the best way to relax.
Strike while the…………………..bug is close.
Better late than…………………..pregnant.
A penny saved is…………………. not much.
Don’t change horses………………..until they stop running.
A miss is as good as a ………………. Mr.
Happy is the bride who………………….gets all the presents.
Two’s company, three’s………………….. the Musketeers.
Don’t bite the hand that…………………. looks dirty.
It’s always darkest before………………….Daylight Saving Time.
There are none so blind as ……………….. Stevie Wonder.
Where there’s smoke there’s ………………. pollution.
The pen is mightier than the………………… pigs.
If at first you don’t succeed…………………. get new batteries.
When the blind lead the blind ……………….. get out of the way!
Children should be seen and not ………………spanked or grounded.
You can’t teach an old dog new ………….. ….math.
Don’t put off till tomorrow what……………….. you put on to go to bed.
If you lie down with dogs, you’ll…………………. stink in the morning.
You can lead a horse to water but ……………… how?
Never underestimate the power of ……………….. termites.
You get out of something only what you …………… see in the picture on the box.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you………….. cry and you have to blow your nose.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday day people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…  “Astronomers say they now know the approximate weight of the Milky Way. They found this out by adding 10 pounds to the Milky Way’s weight on its Tinder profile.” -Conan O’Brien

“A man in Georgia was arrested for stealing a Krispy Kreme doughnut truck and leading police on a high-speed chase. The police charged him with one count of grand theft irony.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A survey by the national retail foundation said that some people even give their fish Valentine’s Day gifts. A good way to tell that you’ve lost your mind is if you give your fish a Valentine’s Day gift.” –Jimmy Kimmel

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  One woman was talking to her friend, “You should listen to my neighbor,” she says. “She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that’s so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy, stupid and cheap; but have you ever heard me say a bad word about him?” 😱😱

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “So, you’re great people to work with, this is a great present, and I wish I could squeeze you all into one pretty woman. And if you’d like to go to my office, I’ll try.”

ANSWER: Defending Your Life! Spoken by Daniel Miller (Albert Brooks) to his co-workers. The story of a dead man in a city-like afterlife and his attempt to prove that his life was worth something, in order to allow him to “move forward”. Starring: Albert Brooks, Meryl Streep, and Rip Torn. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “How fickle is woman!”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. Reveal the quote by eliminating the letters of the alphabet that are not part of the quote. The unused letters go in alphabetical order from A-Z.

ATBAKCEDCAERFEOGFHTIHEJMINKUT

ELSFOMRTHNEOPHOURQSWRILLTSATKEUCAVREOFWTHXEMSYELVZES

ANSWER: TAKE CARE OF THE MINUTES FOR THE HOURS WILL TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES.

Thursday’s Quizzler is………. Today Mooey has a challenging test from his mentor. He must spell all the words correctly. If he does, he will become a mentor, and teach other cows! Mooey studied as hard as he could the night before his challenge. He is on the last word of the list, and is scared! He is sure that the first 19 words are correct, but the last word is always a secret bonus word. Can you help Mooey?

Mentor: The last word is actually two words. It is your name. (Mooey’s last name was Mooer)
Mooey was shocked! The bonus word was always extra-hard! He was just about to scrape “Mooey Mooer” in the mud, when he thought of something. It ended up making him a mentor. What did Mooey scrape in the mud?
 TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS. 🙏

     

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

7ecd3105fe384d102477251aabe25d163c0c5a00446e6725c5d5c6c3beda17d1

WELCOME to Wednesday, February 22, 2017.                

THE NAME GAME……..  
If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she’d be Dolly Dali.
If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she’d be Oprah Chopra.
If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she’d be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she’d become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he’d be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.
How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he’d be Boog Alou.
If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan Hale, she’d be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale.
If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday day people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES… “I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.” –Mitch Hedberg

“My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.”
–Rita Rudner
“Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.”
–Alfred Lord Tennyson

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

While I was dining in the restaurant of a large hotel, I heard a loud crash. A waitress had dropped a whole tray of coffee cups, plates, and dishes. Being only a couple tables away from her, I felt a stinging pain in my hand where I was cut from the shattered debris. I was immediately escorted to the hotel doctor.
“What happened?” he asked.
I said, “Attacked by a flying saucer.” 😁

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Or I’ll be a super-jet pilot, fly me high way out in the blue. Then they’ll see, I’m no shrinking violet. I got a lot of living to do!”

ANSWER: Bye Bye Birdie! Sung by Hugo Peabody (Bobby Rydell) to Kim McAfee (Ann-Margret). The hilarious and fun-filled musical satirizing the U.S.A’s obsession with Elvis Presley. Starring: Dick van Dyke, Janet Leigh, Ann-Margret, Bobby Rydell, and Paul Lynde.

 

 

 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “So, you’re great people to work with, this is a great present, and I wish I could squeeze you all into one pretty woman. And if you’d like to go to my office, I’ll try.”

 

 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

We are often dangerous
But to some we are fun
To others we are frightening
Causing them to run
We come together
Though we seem apart
You see me and you hear my brother
Who oft times makes little ones run to their mothers,
I am bright and my brother is loud
And it may seem that we come from a cloud, What are we?

ANSWER: Lightning & Thunder

 

 

 

 

 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….Reveal the quote by eliminating the letters of the alphabet that are not part of the quote. The unused letters go in alphabetical order from A-Z.

ATBAKCEDCAERFEOGFHTIHEJMINKUT
ELSFOMRTHNEOPHOURQSWRILLTSATKEUCAVREOFWTHXEMSYELVZES
 TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS ANDREA L. BANKS AND MS KIM HILLYARD! NICE WORK LADIES. 🙏

     

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

his_her

WELCOME to Tuesday, February 21, 2017.               

Funny Name and Job…
Bankers, Wallowa County, Oregon: Cheatham & Steele
Chorister, Westminster Choir College, Princeton, New Jersey: Justin Tune
Gynaecologist, New York Hospital, New York City: Dr Zoltan Ovary
Chairman, Tetley Tea Company, London: Tetley Ironsides Tetley Jones
Dentist, Roslyn Heights, New York: Dr. E. Z. Filler
Phlebotomist, St Mary’s Hospital, Portsmouth, UK: Lavinia Blood
The national Director of Surgery at the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs in Washington, D.C.  Dr Blades
Plumber Worcester UK: Mr Turner-Heaton
Lloyds/TSB Bank Manager, Waterlooville, UK: Mr F. Knox
Mr. Vice, Malefactor, New Orleans, Louisiana. Arrested 890 times and convicted 421, probably a record (International Herald Tribune)
Interior decorator, Reading, UK: Derek Paynter
Municipal Tax Collector, Brazil (Financial Times): Cardiac Arrest da Silva
Funeral Director, Sydney, Australia: C. D’ Eath and Sons
Landscape Gardeners from Salisbury, UK called: Budd and Bush
Silent Movie Organist, Rochester, New York: C. Sharp Minor
Central City, Kentucky automobile salesman: Henry Ford Carr
Never Fail is a builder in Tulsa, Oklahoma
Mr Robbins is a renowned ornithologist (bird scientist and bird-bander) at a Federal wildlife research center in Maryland, USA. He is co-author of the guidebook “Birds of North America”.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday day people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…“Burger King is reportedly close to buying Popeye’s Chicken. Wow, Burger King must be really drunk.” -Seth Meyers

“There is so much going on in the world right now. Not just in the world, there’s a lot going on in the universe. For those of you who are looking to get off the planet, astronomers at the Carnegie Institution discovered more than 100 potential planets that may be habitable, which means we’re one step closer to finding a planet with intelligent life.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“In North Carolina, a mother is suing a daycare center because one of the workers there breastfed her son without permission. Authorities say she doesn’t really have a case because her son is 32.” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

Two guys who worked together were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, the first guy said, “Panty stitcher…I sew the elastic onto women’s panties.”
The clerk looked up panty stitcher in her table. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
The second guy was asked his occupation. “Diesel fitter,” he replied.
Diesel fitter is listed as a skilled job, so the clerk gave the second guy $600 a week. When the first guy found out he was furious. He stormed into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, “Panty stitchers are unskilled, and diesel fitters are skilled labor.”
“What skill?!” yelled the panty stitcher. “I sew the elastic, and he pulls on it and says, “Yep, dese’ll fit ‘er.”😱

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Never being happy isn’t the same as being unhappy. Is it?”

 

ANSWER: Fame! Spoken by Montgomery McNeil (Paul McCrane) to Doris Finsecker (Maureen Teefy). The struggles of a group of students at a New York arts school to maintain their academic studies with their personal lives and show business aspirations. Starring: Irene Cara, Maureen Teefy, Paul McCrane, and Laura Dean.


Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Or I’ll be a super-jet pilot, fly me high way out in the blue. Then they’ll see, I’m no shrinking violet. I got a lot of living to do!”

 

 

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Camp Pineveiw’s cook, Margaret Johnson, was just about to begin preparing the picnic lunch for all the campers. She already knew she needed to fill 55 bowls of the same size and capacity with the same amount of food. When she was done, she decided to read the guidelines for the picnic, just out of curiosity. The guidelines said:
1. Every camper gets their own bowl of soup.
2. Every two campers will get one bowl of spaghetti to share.
3. Every three campers will get one bowl of salad to share.
4. All campers are required to have their own helping of salad, spaghetti, and soup.
After some rapid calculations, Margaret was able to figure out how many campers were going to the picnic. Can you?

ANSWER: 30 campers

 

 

 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 

We are often dangerous
But to some we are fun
To others we are frightening
Causing them to run
We come together
Though we seem apart
You see me and you hear my brother
Who oft times makes little ones run to their mothers,
I am bright and my brother is loud
And it may seem that we come from a cloud, What are we?

     

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

1457524_588844931180601_614720357_n

WELCOME to Monday, February 20, 2017.              

 THE AGING PROCESS……..
OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact
OLD ENERGIZER BUNNIES never die, they go on, and on, and on…
OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings
OLD ENGLISH MAJORS do it with Strunk and White
OLD ENVIRONMENTALISTS never die, they are just recycled
OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just get cold feet
OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just go cold
OLD EXORCISTS never die, they just give up the ghost
OLD FARMERS never die, they just go to seed
OLD FARMERS never die, they just spade away
OLD FATHERS never die, they just become grandfathers
OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just get reel tired
OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just smell that way
OLD FOOTBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go to the end zone
OLD FOOTBALLERS never die, they just kick the bucket
OLD FORESTERS never die, they just pine away
OLD FRIDGE REPAIRMEN never die, they just blow their cool
OLD FROGS never die, they just croak
OLD FRUIT never die, it just pear-ishes
OLD GARAGEMEN never die, they just retire
OLD GEOLOGISTS never die, they just recrystalize
OLD GHOST TOWNS never die, they become desolate
OLD GOLFERS never die, they just lose their drive
OLD GRAPHIC ARTISTS never die, they just de-rez
OLD GYMNASTS never die, they just take longer to mount
OLD HAMS never die, they just get grounded
OLD HARDWARE ENGINEERS never die, they just cache in their chips
OLD HELSINKI TOURISTS never die, they just vanish into Finn Air….
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday day people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…“The U.S. Army has officially lifted its ban on soldiers having dreadlocks. This is good news for the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps.” -Conan O’Brien

“Taco Bell has announced plans to offer a $600 wedding service at its flagship restaurant in Las Vegas. And this is cool – the burritos are conveniently wrapped in divorce papers.” -Seth Meyers
“A new report finds that over 55,000 bridges in the U.S. were found to have major structural problems last year. When asked how they’re going to fix them, the government was like, ‘Eh, we’ll cross that gaping hole when we get to it.'” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial–a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?”
She again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he,too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.”
At this point the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, “If either of you asks her if she knows me, you’ll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“Do you like my dress? It’s awfully heavy.”

ANSWER: High Society! Spoken by Tracy Lord (Grace Kelly) to C.K. Dexter-Haven (Bing Crosby). A musical remake of the 1940 film “The Philadelphia Story”, this film tells the story of a debutante engaged to one man, but finding herself drawn to her ex-husband. Starring: Grace Kelly, Bing Crosby, and Frank Sinatra.
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “Never being happy isn’t the same as being unhappy. Is it?”

 

 

 

 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

What do the following words have in common?
Vermont
Statuesque
Swedish
Arthur’s
Africa
Sensation
Misunderstood

ANSWER: They each contain an abbreviation of a weekday.

verMONt
staTUESque
sWEDish
arTHUR’S
aFRIca
senSATion
miSUNderstood

Monday’s Quizzler is………. 

Camp Pineveiw’s cook, Margaret Johnson, was just about to begin preparing the picnic lunch for all the campers. She already knew she needed to fill 55 bowls of the same size and capacity with the same amount of food. When she was done, she decided to read the guidelines for the picnic, just out of curiosity. The guidelines said:
1. Every camper gets their own bowl of soup.
2. Every two campers will get one bowl of spaghetti to share.
3. Every three campers will get one bowl of salad to share.
4. All campers are required to have their own helping of salad, spaghetti, and soup.
After some rapid calculations, Margaret was able to figure out how many campers were going to the picnic. Can you?

     

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org