Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Thursday, January 26, 2017.          

Marriage Definitions….
BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.
GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.
HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.
SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.
WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

“A Russian billionaire reportedly paid over $4 million to have Mariah Carey and Sir Elton John perform at his teenage granddaughter’s wedding. Said his teenage granddaughter, ‘Who are these people?'” -Seth Meyers
“Boston Medical Center found that 15 percent of 2-year-olds in the Boston area drink as much as 4 ounces of coffee a day. The parents claim they give the kids coffee only when they need it, like when the kid wakes up with a hangover.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Apple has changed back their design of the peach emoji to look more like a butt after people were upset the new design no longer looked like a butt. So you see, people – sometimes democracy DOES work!” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

Caller: ‘Hi, can you connect me with Jack?’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about.’
Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of your user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.’ 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘No diet works. The only way to lose weight in the legs is amputation.’

ANSWER: St Elmo’s Fire! Spoken by Wendy Beamish (Mare Winningham). 
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Brains stick with brains. A bomb could go off and their mutant genes would form the same cliques!’ 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Which abbreviation from Group A should be in Group B?
GROUP A
adj.
B.C.
etc.
No.
pl.
GROUP B
a
A.D.
c
e.g.
i.e.

ANSWER: etc.  All the words from GROUP B are all Latin abbreviations used commonly in the English language, whereas GROUP A, with the exception of “etc.” are all abbreviations from the English language.

a = ante (before)
A.D. = Anno Domini (in the year of the lord, however commonly incorrectly translated as “after death”)
c = circa (about)
e.g. = exempli gratia (for example)
i.e. = id est (that is)
etc. = et cetera (and the rest)

  

Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 

What is represented below?
S V
K E
I S
P S
P E
E L
R
       

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

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