Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, January 25, 2017.         

How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale……
1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner…as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it’s nice to see how much weight you’ve lost overnight.
2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don’t forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off…to your advantage.
5. Always go to the bathroom first.
6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.
7. Don’t eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you’ve weighed in, completely naked, of course.
8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).
9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).
10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it’s worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you’d stepped on normally.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

“Faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
–Martin Luther King Jr.
“We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.”
–Martin Luther King Jr.
“Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.”
–Martin Luther King Jr.

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner–Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. “Mother Potato?” she said. “I have an announcement to make.” “And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes. “Well,” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, “I’m getting married!” The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?”
“I’m marrying a Russet!” “A Russet!” replied Mother Potato with pride. “Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!” As the family shared in the eldest daughter’s joy, the middle daughter spoke up. “Mother? I, too, have an announcement.” “And what might that be?” encouraged Mother Potato. Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, “I, too, am getting married!” “You, too!” Mother Potato said with joy. “That’s wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?” “I’m marrying an Idaho!” beamed the middle daughter. “An Idaho!” said Mother Potato with joy. “Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!” Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plan for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. “Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make.” “Yes?” said Mother Potato with great anticipation. “Well,” began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, “I hope this doesn’t come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!” “Really?” said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. “All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?” “I’m marrying Peter Jennings!”
“Peter Jennings?!” Mother Potato scowled suddenly. “But he’s just a common tater!”

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘When you become a real boy, remember me to the ladies when you grow up!’

ANSWER:  ‘A.I.’ Spoken by Gigolo Joe (Jude Law) to David (Haley Joel Osment).
 
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘No diet works. The only way to lose weight in the legs is amputation.’

 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

What phrase is represented below?
NME NME NME
NME I Am NME
NME NME NME

ANSWER: I am surrounded by enemies.

  

Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 

Which abbreviation from Group A should be in Group B?
GROUP A
adj.
B.C.
etc.
No.
pl.
GROUP B
a
A.D.
c
e.g.
i.e.
       

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

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