WELCOME to Tuesday, January 14, 2016.
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MYTH: A female moth.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… “A dog in Seattle is making news after commuters noticed it had been riding the bus to a local park all by itself. Everyone says the dog is amazing, while the dog said, panicking, ‘I gotta find that blind guy. I’m in a lot of trouble if I don’t find him.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn’t sound too bad to me. You’d probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Police are looking for a woman who stole $3,000 worth of cat-grooming supplies at an airport baggage carousel. Police describe the suspect as ‘single.'” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them.
“What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?”
“It would go out,” he replied very matter-of-factly.
“Really?” I asked, surprised to hear that. “Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?”
“No,” my co-worker continued. “The force from the explosion would most likely blow it out.”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘That fella’s been the raspberry seed in my wisdom tooth long enough!’
ANSWER: ‘The Music Man’ Spoken by Mayor George Shinn (Paul Ford) about Professor Harold Hill (Robert Preston).
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I need a lift in your el truck-o to the next town-o!’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
A man escapes from jail with help from his girlfriend. Four girls are accused of being the man’s girlfriend. His girlfriend is lying. Two girls are innocent and telling the truth. The other girl is the man’s sister who is helping the girlfriend lie. Who is the man’s sister?
Amanda: “Melinda is his girlfriend.”
Vanessa: “Eva is lying.”
Eva: “Amanda is lying.”
Melinda: “Vanessa is not his sister.”
ANSWER: If Amanda is telling the truth, then Melinda is lying. If Melinda is lying, then Vanessa is his sister. If Vanessa is his sister, then she’s lying about Eva lying. If Eva isn’t lying, then Amanda is lying, which would contradict the fact that Amanda’s telling the truth. That means Amanda is lying and could be his girlfriend or sister.
Eva must be telling the truth since Amanda has to be lying. So Vanessa must also be lying, and Melinda is telling the truth. Since Melinda’s telling the truth, Vanessa isn’t his sister and must be his girlfriend. Amanda is the other liar, so she must be his sister.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What’s this rebus?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com, www.stlzoo.org