Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, January 12, 2016.     

Mother’s dictionary…
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
Prepared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.
Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Verbal: Able to whine in words
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!

Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

“Later this month, Google will be testing its new self-driving minivans. The vehicles can do all the functions of a human driver, except wonder, ‘Christ, how did I end up driving a minivan?'” -Conan O’Brien
“More than 60 cities around the world celebrated the 16th annual No Pants Subway Ride yesterday. Or as that one guy on your train calls it, ‘Sunday.'” -Seth Meyers
“In Las Vegas, the Consumer Electronics Show is going on. It displays new technology that makes you already hate the TV you bought two weeks ago for Christmas.” -Jimmy Kimmel

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware.
As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report.
“Not really,” Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, “I only bought a little pot.”

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Dark and sinister man, have at thee!’

ANSWER: Hook! Spoken by Peter Pan (Robin Williams) to Captain Hook (Dustin Hoffman).
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Men aren’t attentive to girls who wear glasses.’

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Many of our everyday words have more than one meaning. Below are 13 pairs of definitions; both definitions in each pair fit the same word. When read down, the first letters of the word will spell out the name of the first person who invented the first modern pinball machine.
1. Small quantity of water or let fall
2. Airplane parking area or kitchen garment
3. Empty space or rug cleaning machine
4. Significance or ship in foreign merchandise
5. Boat’s floor or pack of cards
6. Some eyewear or drinking vessels
7. Mountain scenery stop or fail to notice
8. Bank employee or narrator
9. Screw groove or sewing cord
10. Portion of a trip or table support
11. Creamy color or tusk material
12. Divisible by two or balanced
13. Young Girl Scout or chocolate dessert

ANSWER: David Gottlieb

1. Drop
2. Apron
3. Vacuum
4. Import
5. Deck
6. Glasses
7. Overlook
8. Teller
9. Thread
10. Leg
11. Ivory
12. Even
13. Brownie

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 

My creator is a mystery,
One that’s set in stone.
My origins, my history,
Still totally unknown.
Tests of time I’ve had to face,
My strength and my endurance
Cause of weakness; it’s your race,
But I’m free of all life currents.
Was I a calendar, a tomb, a shrine?
We’ve all wondered it before.
We don’t know… but I’m a wonder!
I can tell you that for sure.
What am I?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

 

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