Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, January 11, 2016.   

A man’s translations……
These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say…
“IT’S A GUY THING”
Translated:* “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”
Translated:* “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
“UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR”
Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”
Translated:* “I have no idea how it works.”
“TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD.”
Translated:* “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
“THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.”
Translated:* “Are you still talking?”
“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
Translated:* “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop,’ the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car
I’ve ever owned… but I forgot your birthday.”
“OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL.”
Translated:* “I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”
“HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING.”
Translated:* “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”
“I CAN’T FIND IT.”
Translated:* “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?”
Translated:* “What did you catch me at?”
“I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”
Translated:* “No one will ever see us alive again.”
“WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.”
Translated:* “I make the messes; she cleans them up.”


That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday 
people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!

Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

“Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.”
–David Letterman

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”
–George Burns

“Personally I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.”
–Sir Winston Churchill

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.
“What did you do that for?” Asked a passing giraffe.
“Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago.”
“Wow, what a memory” commented the giraffe.
“Yes,” said the elephant, “turtle recall”.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘You are everything I never knew I always wanted.’

ANSWER: Fools Rush In’ Spoken by Alex Whitman (Matthew Perry) to Isabel Fuentes (Salma Hayek).
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Dark and sinister man, have at thee!’

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

What is this saying?
IF SOLTION THEN PROBULEM.

ANSWER: If you are not part of the solution then you are part of the problem

(U is missing from SOLUTION=not part of it, and U is added to PROBLEM=part of it)

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 

Many of our everyday words have more than one meaning. Below are 13 pairs of definitions; both definitions in each pair fit the same word. When read down, the first letters of the word will spell out the name of the first person who invented the first modern pinball machine.
1. Small quantity of water or let fall
2. Airplane parking area or kitchen garment
3. Empty space or rug cleaning machine
4. Significance or ship in foreign merchandise
5. Boat’s floor or pack of cards
6. Some eyewear or drinking vessels
7. Mountain scenery stop or fail to notice
8. Bank employee or narrator
9. Screw groove or sewing cord
10. Portion of a trip or table support
11. Creamy color or tusk material
12. Divisible by two or balanced
13. Young Girl Scout or chocolate dessert
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

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