Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, January 31, 2017.           

Business 101…………
Persons disagreeing with your facts are always emotional and employ faulty reasoning.
Pessimists have already begun to worry about what is going to replace automation.
Pick good people; talent never wears out.
Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes.
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Please do not steal, the IRS hates competition!
Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.
Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by hitting back.
Producing a system from a specification is like walking on water; it’s easier if it’s frozen.
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
People who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it.
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made.
People who think they know everything upset those of us who do.
People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
People will buy anything that is one-to-a-customer.
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
Perfection is achieved only on the point of collapse.
Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…  “A man and his 75-year-old mom survived being lifted out of their home during a tornado by sitting together in a bathtub. The man said the tornado didn’t traumatize him but being in a bathtub with his mother did.” -Conan O’Brien

“I’ve been trying to say ‘I love you’ more often, starting this morning. I said it to my family before I left the house. And then to my barista. And then to her manager, when the barista complained that one of the customers was making her uncomfortable.” -Stephen Colbert
“According to a recent study, men on dating sites are more popular if they mention dancing or cooking. Because if there’s one thing women love, it’s a man who can lie.” -Seth Meyers

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:
“Some parents,” she said, “tell the older child, ‘We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.’ But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, ‘Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'”
One of the women spoke up immediately. “Does she cook?”

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Brains stick with brains. A bomb could go off and their mutant genes would form the same cliques!’  

ANSWER:  ‘Say Anything…’ Spoken by Corey Flood (Lili Taylor) to Lloyd Dobbler (John Cusack). 
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I’ll know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.’ 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

What is represented below?
S V
K E
I S
P S
P E
E L
R

ANSWER: The captain goes down with the ship.

Skipper is another word for captain.
Vessel is another word for ship.
These two words both go down.

  

Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 

What two names of US capital cities rhyme but share no vowels?
       

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Thursday, January 26, 2017.          

Marriage Definitions….
BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.
GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.
HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.
SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.
WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

“A Russian billionaire reportedly paid over $4 million to have Mariah Carey and Sir Elton John perform at his teenage granddaughter’s wedding. Said his teenage granddaughter, ‘Who are these people?'” -Seth Meyers
“Boston Medical Center found that 15 percent of 2-year-olds in the Boston area drink as much as 4 ounces of coffee a day. The parents claim they give the kids coffee only when they need it, like when the kid wakes up with a hangover.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Apple has changed back their design of the peach emoji to look more like a butt after people were upset the new design no longer looked like a butt. So you see, people – sometimes democracy DOES work!” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

Caller: ‘Hi, can you connect me with Jack?’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about.’
Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of your user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.’ 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘No diet works. The only way to lose weight in the legs is amputation.’

ANSWER: St Elmo’s Fire! Spoken by Wendy Beamish (Mare Winningham). 
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Brains stick with brains. A bomb could go off and their mutant genes would form the same cliques!’ 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Which abbreviation from Group A should be in Group B?
GROUP A
adj.
B.C.
etc.
No.
pl.
GROUP B
a
A.D.
c
e.g.
i.e.

ANSWER: etc.  All the words from GROUP B are all Latin abbreviations used commonly in the English language, whereas GROUP A, with the exception of “etc.” are all abbreviations from the English language.

a = ante (before)
A.D. = Anno Domini (in the year of the lord, however commonly incorrectly translated as “after death”)
c = circa (about)
e.g. = exempli gratia (for example)
i.e. = id est (that is)
etc. = et cetera (and the rest)

  

Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 

What is represented below?
S V
K E
I S
P S
P E
E L
R
       

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, January 25, 2017.         

How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale……
1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner…as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it’s nice to see how much weight you’ve lost overnight.
2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don’t forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off…to your advantage.
5. Always go to the bathroom first.
6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.
7. Don’t eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you’ve weighed in, completely naked, of course.
8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).
9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).
10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it’s worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you’d stepped on normally.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

“Faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
–Martin Luther King Jr.
“We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.”
–Martin Luther King Jr.
“Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.”
–Martin Luther King Jr.

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner–Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. “Mother Potato?” she said. “I have an announcement to make.” “And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes. “Well,” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, “I’m getting married!” The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?”
“I’m marrying a Russet!” “A Russet!” replied Mother Potato with pride. “Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!” As the family shared in the eldest daughter’s joy, the middle daughter spoke up. “Mother? I, too, have an announcement.” “And what might that be?” encouraged Mother Potato. Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, “I, too, am getting married!” “You, too!” Mother Potato said with joy. “That’s wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?” “I’m marrying an Idaho!” beamed the middle daughter. “An Idaho!” said Mother Potato with joy. “Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!” Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plan for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. “Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make.” “Yes?” said Mother Potato with great anticipation. “Well,” began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, “I hope this doesn’t come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!” “Really?” said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. “All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?” “I’m marrying Peter Jennings!”
“Peter Jennings?!” Mother Potato scowled suddenly. “But he’s just a common tater!”

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘When you become a real boy, remember me to the ladies when you grow up!’

ANSWER:  ‘A.I.’ Spoken by Gigolo Joe (Jude Law) to David (Haley Joel Osment).
 
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘No diet works. The only way to lose weight in the legs is amputation.’

 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

What phrase is represented below?
NME NME NME
NME I Am NME
NME NME NME

ANSWER: I am surrounded by enemies.

  

Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 

Which abbreviation from Group A should be in Group B?
GROUP A
adj.
B.C.
etc.
No.
pl.
GROUP B
a
A.D.
c
e.g.
i.e.
       

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Catsmob.com - The coolest pics on the net!

WELCOME to Tuesday, January 24, 2017.      

The Procrastinator’s creed…
1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero.
8. If at first I don’t succeed, there is always next year.
9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.
12. I know that the work cycle is not plan-start-finish, but is wait-plan-plan.
13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator’s Society) if they ever get it organized.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…  “Best Buy will start selling solar panels in an effort to promote energy conservation. Best Buy says you can find the panels right next to the 300 flat-screen TVs they leave on all day.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Lululemon is the company that makes yoga pants that are so tight they cut off circulation to the part of your brain that decides how much money is OK to spend on yoga pants.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“There are some accusations that Silicon Valley discriminates against people because of their age. Elderly groups are so furious about this that they plan to send Silicon Valley an angry fax.” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago biting his finger nails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, “Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?”
The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. She comes back with a drink and he downs it quickly. Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees the same man shaking and biting his nails. She brings him another drink which he swallows immediately.
A half hour later she returns to see that the man is shaking uncontrollably, and apparently crying. “My goodness,” the flight attendant says, “I’ve never seen someone so afraid to fly.”
“I’m not afraid of flying,” says the man sobbing loudly, “I’m trying to give up drinking.”

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Come out here, you little pipsqueak, and fight like a man!’

ANSWER:  ‘The Little Mermaid’ Spoken by Chef Louie (Rene Auberjonois) to Sebastian the Crab (Samuel E. Wright). 
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘When you become a real boy, remember me to the ladies when you grow up!’

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….    Each of the following sentences contains clues to a set of three words that are anagrams of each other (each sentence describes a different set).

1) George threw his extra javelin through two fleshy fruits related to an apple.
2) Mary had to halt the food preparation because she found a stain on each of the cooking utensils.
3) Per the negotiation, Isaac agreed to guide the troops through the valley.
4) How would you respond if the container of supplies had disappeared without a vestige?

ANSWER:  

spare = extra
spear = javelin
pears = fruit related to the apple
stop = halt
spot = stain
pots = cooking utensils
deal = negotiation
lead = guide
dale = valley
react = respond
crate = container
trace = vestige

  

Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 

What phrase is represented below?
NME NME NME
NME I Am NME
NME NME NME

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPERIOR SOLVING JOB BANKS! 

       

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, January 23, 2016.    

Foodliners…..
The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called “The Fission Chips.”
On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.
A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry.
A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.
The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.
A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.
Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.
Sign in restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay waiter.”
I thought you were trying to get into shape?
I am. The shape I’ve selected is a triangle.


That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday 
people, and whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

“Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.” -Harry Hill
“My dog was my soul mate; we both love naps, we both skip lunch, we both hate the vacuum cleaner.” -Elayne Boosler
“I hide photos on my computer of me petting other dogs in a file named ‘Fireworks and vacuums’ so my dog won’t find them.” -Eli Terry
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” –Sam Levinson
“This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn’t say how far to separate them.” — Gracie Allen
“I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.” — Erma Bombeck
“I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.” — Joe E. Lewis

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

After a sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
“But I only have 38 sheep,” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘What is my goal here, to make you a happy, well-adjusted gangster?

ANSWER: Analyze This! Spoken by Ben Sobel (Billy Crystal) to Paul Vitti (Robert De Niro) 
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘Come out here, you little pipsqueak, and fight like a man!’

 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

What is represented below?
Der Der
Der Der
Der Der
Der Der
Der Der
CALOVERE

ANSWER: Tender Loving Care. “Der” was written TEN times, TEN “Der”  “Love” is in “Care” 

  

Monday’s Quizzler is………. 

Each of the following sentences contains clues to a set of three words that are anagrams of each other (each sentence describes a different set).
1) George threw his extra javelin through two fleshy fruits related to an apple.
2) Mary had to halt the food preparation because she found a stain on each of the cooking utensils.
3) Per the negotiation, Isaac agreed to guide the troops through the valley.
4) How would you respond if the container of supplies had disappeared without a vestige?

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPERIOR SOLVING BANKS! 

       

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, January 20, 2016.  

Miscellaneous terms….
Arbitrator \ar’-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.
Avoidable \uh-voy’-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Baloney \buh-lo’-nee\: Where some hemlines fall.
Bernadette \burn’-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize \bur’-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with.
Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers\: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Eclipse \e-klips’\: What an English barber does for a living.
Eyedropper \i’-drop-ur\: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Heroes \hee’-rhos\: What a guy in a boat does.
Left Bank \left’ bangk’\: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Misty \mis’-tee\: How golfers create divots.
Paradox \par’-uh-doks\: Two physicians.
Parasites \par’-uh-sites\: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist \farm’-uh-sist\: A helper on the farm.
Polarize \po’-lur-ize\: What penguins see with.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…  People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. — Joan Rivers

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it. Clarence Darrow
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. Dennis Wholey
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too. Rodney Dangerfield
We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. Phyllis Diller

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

Little Johnny once bought his Grandma a very nice, luxurious toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a couple of weeks later, it wasn’t in the bathroom. Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Gran, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?” “Darling, I’m sorry but I just didn’t like it. It was too scratchy. After all those years, I’ve gotten used to the toilet paper.”

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.’

ANSWER: ‘Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory’ Spoken by Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder) to Charlie Bucket (Peter Ostrum). 
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘What is my goal here, to make you a happy, well-adjusted gangster?

 

 

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

What phrase is represented below?
YOUR LIONS
Gulp UR LIONS
GulpGulp LIONS
GulpGulpGulp NS
GulpGulpGulpGulp

ANSWER: Swallow Your Pride. Collective noun for Lions = Pride
 

  

Friday’s Quizzler is………. 

What is represented below?
Der Der
Der Der
Der Der
Der Der
Der Der
CALOVERE
       

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, January 19, 2016.     

Dictionary of Evaluation Comments (Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.)
AVERAGE: Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.
NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.
EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky.
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn.
GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward.
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time.
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else.
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip.
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed.
HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way.
ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do.
HAPPY: Paid too much.
WELL ORGANIZED: Does too much busywork.
COMPETENT: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Annoying.
WILL GO FAR: Relative of management.
SHOULD GO FAR: Please.
USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher.
VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
USES RESOURSES WELL: Delegates everything.
DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated.


That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday 
people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

 “I read about a man in Virginia who paid the DMV his $3,000 fine in pennies. It took the workers 12 hours to count them all. And that line still moved faster than the one you were in waiting in at the DMV.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is officially shutting down. Now, the circus won’t officially close until May, so if you don’t get a chance to see it, you had 150 years. No one feels bad for you.” -Stephen Colbert
“There’s a new app out there that describes itself as Tinder for adopting babies. So one day, siblings will be taunting each other with, ‘Ha ha, mom right-swiped you. You shouldn’t be here.'” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog Skipper had recently died.
“You know,” Mom said, “it’s not so bad. Skipper’s probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.”
Susie stopped crying and asked, “What would God want with a dead dog?”

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘I’m a paranoid schizophrenic! I AM my own entourage!’

ANSWER: ‘America’s Sweethearts’ Spoken by Eddie Thomas (John Cusack) to Lee Phillips (Billy Crystal). 
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.’ 

 

 

 

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Your task here is to change one letter in each of the following words, in order to find eight (8) words with a common theme.
Stark
Curfew
Petrol
Oil
Raffle
Strike
Thrash
Swat

ANSWER: The common theme: they are all birds.

Stork
Curlew
Petrel
Owl
Yaffle
Shrike
Thrush
Swan 

  

Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 

What phrase is represented below?
YOUR LIONS
Gulp UR LIONS
GulpGulp LIONS
GulpGulpGulp NS
GulpGulpGulpGulp
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS!                   

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org