WELCOME to Friday, December 23, 2016.
Lesser Known Murphy’s Laws……….
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don’t.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
Albert Einstein, 1879 – 1955
‘Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.’
‘Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.’
Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)’
‘I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I’m more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.’
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The hospital’s consulting dietitian was giving a lecture to several community nurses from the Southampton area of Hampshire.
‘The rubbish we put into our stomachs and consume should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is terrible. Fizzy drinks attack your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with msg. Vegetables can be disastrous because of fertilisers and pesticides and none of us realises the long-term damage being done by the rotten bacteria in our drinking water. Best Monday Jokes
However, there is one food that is incredibly dangerous and we all have, or will, eat it at some time in our lives. Now, is anyone here able to tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’ A 65-year-old nursing sister sitting in the front row stood up and said, ‘Wedding cake.’
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Quit eyeballing me, Flavious. I knew you when you was a two-bit hustler on Bull Street.” (Hint: She talks to an animal!)
ANSWER: Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil! Irma P. Hall (Minerva), who play a kind of seer, sits on a bench somewhere in Savannah, awaiting the things that will happen soon.
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “My name is Turkish. Funny name for an Englishman. My parents were on the same plane when it crashed. That´s how they met. They named me after the name of the plane.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
The ******* doctor said “I think ******* Seaman Jones will have to wait as I am ******* to do the operation as there is *******.”
Exchange the stars with the same seven letters in the same order in each case.
ANSWER: The notable doctor said “I think not, Able Seaman Jones will have to wait as I am not able to do the operation as there is no table.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Which word in Group B can be added to Group A? Why?
Group A: diction, equate, renal, visor
Group B: concrete, greedy, mission, stupid, without, yodel
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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