Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, December 22, 2016.   

Murphy’s Law of DIY (Do-It-Yourself )
Any project will require at least two journeys to the hardware shop.
If you need more than one item (pair, four, etc) the probability that one will be damaged or the wrong
color is directly proportional to the desire or need of the object.
You always need more paint.
You never have enough nails, screws or glue.
The likelihood that you will complete a weekend project before the end of the weekend decreases with when you actually start the project.
Therefore: Any plumbing project started after 4pm on Sunday will require an emergency call to the plumber to get the water running again.
To estimate the amount of time needed to complete a project: estimate the amount of time needed, multiply by two and use the next highest unit. Hence: A one hour task will take at least two days to complete.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

“The biggest dog in the world lives in the U.K. and on its hind legs stands at 7 feet, 6 inches tall. When asked if he likes being taken for a walk, his owner said, ‘I love it.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It’s perfect for the drinker who wants all the calories of alcohol but none of the fun.” -Conan O’Brien
“A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women. The results of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door.” -Seth Meyers

 

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

Roger left for work on Friday morning.  Friday was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay packet.
Finally, Roger appeared at home on Sunday night, and obviously he was confronted by his angry wife, Martha who castigated Roger for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.  Finally, Martha stopped the nagging and said to Roger, ‘How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?’
Roger replied grimly, ‘That would be fine with me.’
Monday went by and he didn’t see his Martha. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
By the Thursday, the swelling had gone down just enough so that Roger he could see Martha a little out of the corner of his left eye

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

“Hello?” “Hello, this is Karen Hill, I wanna talk to you. Hello? Come on, don´t hang up on me!”

 

ANSWER: Goodfellas! In the opening scene, we see Lorraine Bracco (Karen Hill), who is the girlfriend of Ray Liotta (Henry Hill), jealously screaming at the door of her rival.

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Quit eyeballing me, Flavious. I knew you when you was a two-bit hustler on Bull Street.” (Hint: She talks to an animal!)

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

In the paragraph below, each blank must be filled by a five-letter word, and the words are all anagrams of each other (the words all contain the same five letters, in different order). Can you fill in the blanks?
Quaint _____ this hotel supplies,
That don’t appear upon the bill.
I speak of roaches, _____, and flies.
You _____ and slap. They’re with you still.
At _____ each guest _____ pained screams
That ought to plague the owner’s dreams.

ANSWER: Quaint ITEMS this hotel supplies,

That don’t appear upon the bill.
I speak of roaches, MITES, and flies.
You SMITE and slap. They’re with you still.
At TIMES each guest EMITS pained screams
That ought to plague the owner’s dreams.

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 

The ******* doctor said “I think ******* Seaman Jones will have to wait as I am ******* to do the operation as there is *******.”
Exchange the stars with the same seven letters in the same order in each case.

                         
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

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