WELCOME to Friday, December 16, 2016.
Never try to teach a pig to sing – it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Never go to Dudley. It’s not the end of the world, but you can see it from there.
Dog owners! Your monstrously large hound is not more afraid of me than I am of it.
The trick is to find the right man in the right pub.
Never pretend you can horse-ride.
People who say, ‘I’m beside myself, ‘are often mistaken; with the notable exception of time travellers and Siamese twins.
If you can’t believe it’s not butter, you’re an idiot.
Cats know more than they let on.
Beginning a sentence, ‘Now, don’t get angry…’ will always have the reverse effect.
Nobody has ever read the small print of a mobile-phone insurance contract.
You can’t skip and be unhappy at the same time.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither works.
Too many cooks spoil the TV schedules.
Never ever mix sleeping pills and laxatives.
Nothing productive can come from just nipping in for a quick drink at two in the afternoon.
You can live your life through a computer.
Sarcasm may be the lowest form of wit… but it’s still funny.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.
I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
Franklin P. Jones
Invention is the mother of necessity.
2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
Henry J. Tillman
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
Most people have seen worse things in private than they pretend to be shocked at in public. Edgar Watson Howe
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
An angel appears at a meeting of religious leaders and tells their leader that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, God will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.
Without hesitating, the leader selects infinite wisdom.
‘Done!’ says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the leader, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.
One of the others whispers, ‘Say something.’
The leader sighs and says, ‘I should have taken the money.’
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
“Come to Los Angeles. The sun shines bright.”
ANSWER: L.A. Confidential! The narrator, Danny DeVito (Sid Hudgens) introduces the movie.
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Do you have some valid reasons for wanting a divorce?”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Below you will find five uncommon titles to five well-known Alfred Hitchcock movies. How many can you decipher?
1. Unstable Personality
2. The Pelicans, Crows, and Penguins
3. To Apprehend a Criminal
4. The Male Who Perceived Everything
5. Dizziness with a Sensation of Motion
ANSWER: 1. Psycho 2. The Birds 3. To Catch a Thief 4. The Man Who Knew Too Much 5. Vertigo
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What does the following rebus represent?
“Hurry, let me in,” said the Jester.
“No, me first!” said the Joker.
“Perhaps we should be careful about walking there,” said Gabriel.
“A wiser course may be to avoid stepping on the area,” said Uziel.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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