WELCOME to Monday, December 12, 2016.
Things You Need to Know………….
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative drug on the same night.
Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
A balanced diet is a beer in each hand.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Never lick a steak knife.
Junk is something You’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“I read about a woman from California who is driving by herself across the country to visit every single Costco in the U.S. So far, she’s traveled 2,000 miles – and that was just walking through one Costco.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Pope Francis has warned the media to stop spreading false information. Or as the media reported it, ‘World’s Top Rabbi Says ‘Keep Up the Good Work!'” -Conan O’Brien
“Today in 1884, the Washington Monument was completed, and if George Washington were here today to see it he would probably say, ‘That looks nothing like me.'” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of panic so I can send the appropriate emergency equipment.
One day a woman called to say that a family member had fallen and needed to go to a hospital. After finding out where she lived and assuring her that the paramedics would arrive shortly, I asked her, “Do you know what caused the fall?”
“No,” the woman nervously replied. “What?”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Out west there was this fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of…” (Sorry, I can´t give you the name, this would be too easy.)
ANSWER: The Big Lebowski
At the opening scene, we see the camera flying over the desert, and the narrator (Sam Elliot) tells us the story about Jeff Lebowski.
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Saigon. […] I´m still only in Saigon.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What do these sentences have in common?
1) Perfect opinions use no deadlines.
2) Doctors originally lose love around royalty.
3) Yellow engines nominate.
4) Friends realize any nonsense comes.
5) Even unusual rags overcome.
ANSWER: Combine the first letters of each word to form a type of currency:
1) P.O.U.N.D. 2) D.O.L.L.A.R. 3) Y.E.N. 4) F.R.A.N.C. 5) E.U.R.O.
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What types of desserts are represented below?
Note: Most are Rebuses, some of which are implied by the language.
1) MrIxolite: “Aaaaaagh!”
2) Ban ana
3) King & Queen Cherry ascended the throne 25 years ago today.
Full Full Full
Claires on the internet
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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