Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, December 6, 2016.   

What Academic Jargon Really Means…. 
‘IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN’ …
I didn’t look up the original reference.
‘A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT’ …
These data are practically meaningless.
‘WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS’ …
An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.
‘THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY’ …
The other results didn’t make any sense. Funny quips.  Jokes academic jargon
‘TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN’ …
This is the prettiest graph.
‘THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT’ …
I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
‘IN MY EXPERIENCE’ …
Once.
‘IN CASE AFTER CASE’ …
Twice.
‘ IN A SERIES OF CASES’ …
Thrice.
‘IT IS BELIEVED THAT’ …
I think.
‘IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT’ …
A couple of others think so, too.
‘CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE’ …
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
‘ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS’ …
Rumor has it.
‘A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE
OF THESE FINDINGS’ …
A really wild guess.
‘A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA’ …
Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a beer glass.
‘IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE
UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS’ …
I don’t understand it….and I never will.
‘AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES’ …
They don’t understand it either.
‘A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY’ …
A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
‘IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD’ …
I am pleased to feed you this rubbish.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

“Experts are warning shoppers to check the spelling of websites on cyber Monday because there are lookalike sites that try to scam you with a slight misspelling of a store’s name. Yep, they said if you want more info on this, just look it up on Goggle.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Ed Sheeran made his first public appearance since an accident where he suffered a deep facial cut. It happened at a party when Princess Beatrice jokingly went to knight James Blunt with a sword, and accidentally cut Ed Sheeran on the back side swing. The only way to make getting clobbered in the face not at all hard-core is by adding James Blunt and knighthood and a princess to the story.” -James Corden
“The CEO of Starbucks announced he’s stepping down. He’s going to become the CEO of the Starbucks across the street.” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back.
We tried S123 several times, but it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing ‘Start123.'”

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? Giacomo/Hawkins: “The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace holds the brew that is true.”

ANSWER: From “The Court Jester” – 1956.

Classic Danny Kaye!

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.”

Monday’s Quizzler is………. 
Three Paley brothers and three Thomson brothers operate a company that manufactures lie detectors. Three of these six men always tell the truth, and three always tell lies; neither set of brothers consists exclusively of liars. Some recent statements from the six men are recorded below. Can you find the six men’s full names, and tell which men tell the truth and which tell lies?
1. Alan: “Both my brothers tell lies.”
2. Boris: “Both my brothers tell the truth.”
3: Chuck: “Alan and Boris are both liars.”
4. Dalman: “Chuck and I are brothers.”
5. Edwin: “Boris and I are brothers.”
6. Finney: “Edwin tells the truth.”
7. Finney: “Boris is one of the Paleys.”

ANSWER:  Alan Thompson, Liar, Boris Paley, liar, Chuck Thomson, truthteller, Dalman Paley, liar, Edwin Paley, truthteller, Finney Thomson, truthteller

Neither set of brothers consists entirely of liars (introduction), so neither consists entirely of truthtellers, either. Boris, then, can’t be telling the truth (clue 2); Boris is a liar. If Alan lies, then Chuck tells the truth (clue 3), and vice versa, so between Alan and Chuck, one is a liar and one a truthteller. By elimination, Dalman, Edwin, and Finney are, in some order, one liar and two truthtellers. If Finney is a liar, so is Edwin (clue 6), which is impossible; so Finney tells the truth and so does Edwin (Clue 6); Dalman, then, is a liar. Boris is a Paley (clue 7). Edwin is a Paley (clue 5). Chuck and Dalman are not brothers (clue 4), so one is a Paley and the other a Thomson; by elimination, Alan and Finney are both Thomsons. Finney Thomson tells the truth, so Alan Thomson is a liar (clue 1) and Chuck is a truthteller (clue 3). Boris Paley lied when he said both of his brothers tell the truth (clue 2); one of his brothers is Edwin Paley, a truthteller, so the other must be a liar – and therefore the third Paley can’t be Chuck, a truthteller, so must be Dalman, a liar. By elimination, Chuck is a Thompson.
…got it?

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 

Six words have had their vegetables removed. The vegetables have been placed into Group A. The remaining letters of each word have been placed into Group B. Your task is to reconstitute the words by merging each vegetable with the proper set of letters. Other than merging the two groups together, there is no rearranging of the letters. Example: sand + pne = spanned (SpANneD).
Group A: bean, beet, corn, kale, pea, radish
Group B: acdio, bning, lieb, nfi, rthig, scagot
                

             

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WednesDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

 

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