WELCOME to Friday, December 2, 2016.
Friday Morning One-liners To Cheer You Up….
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
A day without sunshine is like…, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99% of Lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
OK,….. so what’s the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Friday is a dreadful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.”
“Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.”
“Communism doesn’t work because people like to own stuff.”
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The hospital’s consulting dietitian was giving a lecture to several community nurses from the Southampton area of Hampshire.
‘The rubbish we put into our stomachs and consume should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is terrible. Fizzy drinks attack your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with msg. Vegetables can be disastrous because of fertilizers and pesticides and none of us realizes the long-term damage being done by the rotten bacteria in our drinking water.
However, there is one food that is incredibly dangerous and we all have, or will, eat it at some time in our lives. Now, is anyone here able to tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’ A 65-year-old nursing sister sitting in the front row stood up and said, ‘Wedding cake.’
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
“It’s an 88 Magnum. They had it made for him
special. It shoots through schools.”
From “Johnny Dangerously” – 1984.
I think that’s the last time Joe Piscopo was funny…
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You shut up. I am the author. You are the audience. I outrank you!”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
ANSWER: Hand Me Down
H + and, ME, all going down
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Fill in the answers to the clues by using all the syllables provided. Each syllable will only be used once. The number of syllables that will be used in each clue will be in parentheses.
A AC AD BUT CUP DEM HES I IC IS IS LA LAZ LEG LI MIN TANT TER TION TOR TRA U
1. Yellow flower (3)
2. Director (5)
3. Lapis ___ (3)
4. Lawmaking (4)
5. Undecided (3)
6. Scholar (4)
TODAY’S QUIZZLER GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS, OUR RESIDENT SUPER SOLVER!
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in monDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com, www.stlzoo.org