Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, December 30, 2016.  

Older Than Dirt Quiz:
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about.
Your age ratings is at the bottom.
Candy cigarettes
Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
Home milk delivery in glass bottles
Party lines on the telephone
Newsreels before the movie
TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows
started again in the morning (there were only 3 channels [if you were fortunate]).
Peashooters
45 RPM records
Wash tub wringers
Hi-fi’s
Metal ice trays with lever
Blue flashbulb
Cork popguns
Ford Zephyrs
If you remembered  0-3 = You’re still young
If you remembered  4-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered  7-10 = Don’t tell your age,
If you remembered 11-14 = You’re older than dirt!
Don’t forget to test your really OLD friends….

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great New Year’s weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!   CU next Year!


DAILY QUOTES…

“According to a new report, the cost of all the gifts listed in ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’ song is up $233 from last year. Man, that Lords a Leaping union is killing us.” -Conan O’Brien
“A novelty shop is selling a hipster nativity scene that features Joseph with his hair in a man bun. Which explains why Mary was so adamant about remaining a virgin.” -Seth Meyers
“Christmas is that magical time of the year when we’re forced to spend money we don’t want to spend to travel to places we don’t want to go to see the people we really don’t want to see.” -Jimmy Kimmel

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. “No problem,” I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate.
“You can’t do that,” argued my four-year-old.
“Don’t worry. Santa will never know.”
He shot me a look. “So he knows if I’ve been bad or good, but he doesn’t know if you dropped a cookie on the floor?”

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘We’re totally weak. We can’t possibly fight you.’
 

ANSWER: ‘Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure’

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.’

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Which word in Group B can be added to Group A? Why?
Group A: diction, equate, renal, visor
Group B: concrete, greedy, mission, stupid, without, yodel

ANSWER: Each word in Group A can have “ad” added to its beginning to make a new word.

diction – addiction
equate – adequate
renal – adrenal
visor – advisor
thus
mission – admission

 

Friday’s Quizzler is………. 

What’s this rebus?
OUTER SPACE
3.14159
GROUND

                         

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD! GREAT SUPER SOLVING KIM!
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in NEXT YEARS 2017 MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, December 29, 2016.    

Wit-less?
Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Auto repair service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
Buy your new bedroom suite from us, and we will stand behind it for six months.
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?]
Our friend Eddie has kleptomania, but when it gets bad, Eddie takes something for it.
I stayed up all night playing Texas Hold’em with a deck of tarot cards.  I got a royal flush and five people died.
I spilled ‘Spot’ remover on my dog.  Now he’s disappeared.
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A fool is the witticism of nature

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

“Amazon’s home assistance device, ‘The echo,’ is already sold out until after the holidays. In the meantime, if you want to yell at something to turn off the lights or music in your house, just try your kids.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Ford announced today that it will resume car production in Venezuela starting this April. Employees will celebrate with a Fiesta.” -Seth Meyers
“A study has confirmed that eating less increases your lifespan. The study goes on to advise the residents of Wisconsin to get their affairs in order.” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

When my daughter was about 9-years-old I became pregnant again. Of course, she wanted to know how it happened, so I gave what I considered an appropriate explanation of the process.
She asked, “Did you do that to get me?”
I said “yes,” and she responded, “And you did it again?”

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Mr. Dufresne, describe the confrontation you had with your wife the night that she was murdered.”
 

ANSWER: The Shawshank Redemption! In 1946, a banker named Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) is convicted of a double murder, even though he stubbornly proclaims his innocence. He’s sentenced to a life term at the Shawshank State Prison in Maine.

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘We’re totally weak. We can’t possibly fight you.’

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

In the paragraph below, each blank must be filled by a five-letter word, and the words are all anagrams of each other (the words all contain the same five letters, in different order). Can you fill in the blanks?
Quaint _____ this hotel supplies,
That don’t appear upon the bill.
I speak of roaches, _____, and flies.
You _____ and slap. They’re with you still.
At _____ each guest _____ pained screams
That ought to plague the owner’s dreams.

ANSWER: Quaint ITEMS this hotel supplies,

That don’t appear upon the bill.
I speak of roaches, MITES, and flies.
You SMITE and slap. They’re with you still.
At TIMES each guest EMITS pained screams
That ought to plague the owner’s dreams.

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 

Which word in Group B can be added to Group A? Why?
Group A: diction, equate, renal, visor
Group B: concrete, greedy, mission, stupid, without, yodel

                         
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.o

 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, December 28, 2016.   

Church Ladies with Typewriters..
Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’The sermon tonight:’Searching for Jesus.’
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Bring your husbands.
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Nellie Morgan and John Rees were married on February 2nd in Newtown’s Baptist church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Seven new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of new members, and to the deterioration of some of older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
St Hilary church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
The ladies of St Peter’s Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

“More millennials are looking to get rid of extra piercings and even remove their tattoos. Researchers say it’s due to a new phenomenon occurring among millennials called turning 30.” -Jimmy Fallon
“According to a recent study, Pokemon go players have collectively walked 5.7 billion miles while using the app. They’ve walked everywhere except into a job interview.” -Seth Meyers
“Today, Queen Elizabeth stepped down as the patron of children’s charities. The queen said, ‘I just realized I really hate kids.'” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus.
Sure enough, one day he said, “Mom, I think I’ve figured something out about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.”
Taking a deep breath, I asked him, “What is that?”
He replied, “They’re all nocturnal.”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “My name is Turkish. Funny name for an Englishman. My parents were on the same plane when it crashed. That´s how they met. They named me after the name of the plane.”
 

ANSWER: Snatch! The movie opens with a scene where two men are sitting in front of another one. We see the face Turkish (Jason Statham), who tells us the origin of his name and introduces his friend Tommy.

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Mr. Dufresne, describe the confrontation you had with your wife the night that she was murdered.”

 

 

 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Which word in Group B can be added to Group A? Why?
Group A: diction, equate, renal, visor
Group B: concrete, greedy, mission, stupid, without, yodel

ANSWER: Each word in Group A can have “ad” added to its beginning to make a new word.

diction – addiction
equate – adequate
renal – adrenal
visor – advisor
thus
mission – admission

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 

In the paragraph below, each blank must be filled by a five-letter word, and the words are all anagrams of each other (the words all contain the same five letters, in different order). Can you fill in the blanks?
Quaint _____ this hotel supplies,
That don’t appear upon the bill.
I speak of roaches, _____, and flies.
You _____ and slap. They’re with you still.
At _____ each guest _____ pained screams
That ought to plague the owner’s dreams.

                         
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, December 23, 2016. 

Lesser Known Murphy’s Laws………. 
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don’t.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

Albert Einstein, 1879 – 1955
‘Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.’
‘Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.’
Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)’
‘I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty.  Actually, I’m more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.’

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

The hospital’s consulting dietitian was giving a lecture to several community nurses from the Southampton area of Hampshire.
‘The rubbish we put into our stomachs and consume should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is terrible. Fizzy drinks attack your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with msg. Vegetables can be disastrous because of fertilisers and pesticides and none of us realises the long-term damage being done by the rotten bacteria in our drinking water.  Best Monday Jokes
However, there is one food that is incredibly dangerous and we all have, or will, eat it at some time in our lives. Now, is anyone here able to tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’ A 65-year-old nursing sister sitting in the front row stood up and said, ‘Wedding cake.’

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Quit eyeballing me, Flavious. I knew you when you was a two-bit hustler on Bull Street.” (Hint: She talks to an animal!)
 

ANSWER: Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil! Irma P. Hall (Minerva), who play a kind of seer, sits on a bench somewhere in Savannah, awaiting the things that will happen soon.

 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “My name is Turkish. Funny name for an Englishman. My parents were on the same plane when it crashed. That´s how they met. They named me after the name of the plane.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

The ******* doctor said “I think ******* Seaman Jones will have to wait as I am ******* to do the operation as there is *******.”
Exchange the stars with the same seven letters in the same order in each case.

ANSWER: The notable doctor said “I think not, Able Seaman Jones will have to wait as I am not able to do the operation as there is no table.”

 

Friday’s Quizzler is………. 

Which word in Group B can be added to Group A? Why?
Group A: diction, equate, renal, visor
Group B: concrete, greedy, mission, stupid, without, yodel

                         
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, December 22, 2016.   

Murphy’s Law of DIY (Do-It-Yourself )
Any project will require at least two journeys to the hardware shop.
If you need more than one item (pair, four, etc) the probability that one will be damaged or the wrong
color is directly proportional to the desire or need of the object.
You always need more paint.
You never have enough nails, screws or glue.
The likelihood that you will complete a weekend project before the end of the weekend decreases with when you actually start the project.
Therefore: Any plumbing project started after 4pm on Sunday will require an emergency call to the plumber to get the water running again.
To estimate the amount of time needed to complete a project: estimate the amount of time needed, multiply by two and use the next highest unit. Hence: A one hour task will take at least two days to complete.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

“The biggest dog in the world lives in the U.K. and on its hind legs stands at 7 feet, 6 inches tall. When asked if he likes being taken for a walk, his owner said, ‘I love it.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It’s perfect for the drinker who wants all the calories of alcohol but none of the fun.” -Conan O’Brien
“A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women. The results of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door.” -Seth Meyers

 

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

Roger left for work on Friday morning.  Friday was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay packet.
Finally, Roger appeared at home on Sunday night, and obviously he was confronted by his angry wife, Martha who castigated Roger for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.  Finally, Martha stopped the nagging and said to Roger, ‘How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?’
Roger replied grimly, ‘That would be fine with me.’
Monday went by and he didn’t see his Martha. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
By the Thursday, the swelling had gone down just enough so that Roger he could see Martha a little out of the corner of his left eye

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

“Hello?” “Hello, this is Karen Hill, I wanna talk to you. Hello? Come on, don´t hang up on me!”

 

ANSWER: Goodfellas! In the opening scene, we see Lorraine Bracco (Karen Hill), who is the girlfriend of Ray Liotta (Henry Hill), jealously screaming at the door of her rival.

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Quit eyeballing me, Flavious. I knew you when you was a two-bit hustler on Bull Street.” (Hint: She talks to an animal!)

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

In the paragraph below, each blank must be filled by a five-letter word, and the words are all anagrams of each other (the words all contain the same five letters, in different order). Can you fill in the blanks?
Quaint _____ this hotel supplies,
That don’t appear upon the bill.
I speak of roaches, _____, and flies.
You _____ and slap. They’re with you still.
At _____ each guest _____ pained screams
That ought to plague the owner’s dreams.

ANSWER: Quaint ITEMS this hotel supplies,

That don’t appear upon the bill.
I speak of roaches, MITES, and flies.
You SMITE and slap. They’re with you still.
At TIMES each guest EMITS pained screams
That ought to plague the owner’s dreams.

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 

The ******* doctor said “I think ******* Seaman Jones will have to wait as I am ******* to do the operation as there is *******.”
Exchange the stars with the same seven letters in the same order in each case.

                         
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, December 21, 2016.   

Spoken in Jest….
The longest word in the English language.
According to folk-lore Antidisestablishmentarianism is the longest word in the dictionary, it means being against separating church and state.
However, floccinaucinihilipilification, a word found in the Oxford English dictionary since 1800, is one letter longer.  Strange but true, this word means estimating that something is worthless!
While the Oxford English Dictionary has even longer words such as pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, these are compound technical words and many people discount them.
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is ‘screeched.’
We think that “Almost” is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.  Let us know if we are wrong!
The word “listen ” contains the same letters as the word “silent”.
The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwenuakitanatahu, a New Zealand hill.
Los Angeles’s full name is ‘El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula’ and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, ‘L.A.’
The name for Oz in the ‘Wizard of Oz’ was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence ‘Oz.’
The longest common word that you can type with just the left hand is probably ‘Stewardesses’, however there is the obscure but longer: ‘Aftercataracts’.  With the right hand the longest word is Phyllophyllin.  (Lolypop comes close, but as Groucho Marx would say: ‘no cigar’)
To ‘testify’ was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.
The combination ‘ough’ can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all ‘A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.’
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning ‘containing arsenic.’
Onomatopoeia
Onomatopoeia is where a word’s sound imitates its meaning.  For example, achoo, boing, moo, and whoosh.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”
–Marie Curie
“As we grow old…the beauty steals inward.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Truth is what stands the test of experience.”
–Albert Einstein

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.”
“She did,” he replied. “But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?”

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Just when I think you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do somethin’ like this — 

and totally redeem yourself! Ha Ha!”

 

ANSWER: Dumb and Dumber!

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 

“Hello?”
“Hello, this is Karen Hill, I wanna talk to you. Hello? Come on, don´t hang up on me!”

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

In each sentence below, two words are incomplete. The two words end in the same three letters, so they look like they should rhyme, but they don’t. See if you can figure out the missing letters in each sentence.
Example: One symptom of bronchitis is a ro___ co___. (The two words are: rough & cough.)
1. When you g___ up, I will let you climb the ship’s p___.
2. Do you want to be a ri___ swimmer or an ocean di___?
3. The strongest oarsman in the boat is a po___ ro___.
4. The cheap tickets didn’t al___ them to go be___ deck.

ANSWER: 1. grow prow  2. river diver  3. power rower  4. allow below

Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 

In the paragraph below, each blank must be filled by a five-letter word, and the words are all anagrams of each other (the words all contain the same five letters, in different order). Can you fill in the blanks?
Quaint _____ this hotel supplies,
That don’t appear upon the bill.
I speak of roaches, _____, and flies.
You _____ and slap. They’re with you still.
At _____ each guest _____ pained screams
That ought to plague the owner’s dreams.

                         
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, December 20, 2016. 

Strange Facts……..
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
‘Stewardesses’ is the longest word typed with only the left hand and ‘lollipop’ with your right.
The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The sentence: ‘The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog’, uses every letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
The words ‘racecar’, ‘kayak’ and ‘level’ are palindromes.  They read the same whether you read them left to right or right to left.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: ‘abstemious’ and ‘ facetious.’
There’s no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.
Now you know everything.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…

“A restaurant here in New York is serving a grilled cheese-flavored martini. Or as parents put it, ‘Finally, a way to get my kids to finish their martinis.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“In China, an animal trainer taught his monkeys kung fu but then they turned on him using their best kung fu moves. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times only teach your monkeys your worst Kung Fu moves.” -Conan O’Brien
“Scientists said yesterday that the T. rex may have had teeth serrated like a steak knife, which may have helped it eat meat more efficiently. Experts believe the T. rex evolved the knife-like teeth after having so much trouble using regular silverware.” -Seth Meyers

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. “Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find,” he told me.
At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk. “Believe it or not,” I said, “this is for a sick dog.”
As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, “These are for my cats.”

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “When you love someone, you´ve gotta trust them.”

 

ANSWER: Casino (1995)

 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 

“Just when I think you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do somethin’ like this — and totally redeem yourself! Ha Ha!”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?
1) bed item and grape beverage & a tree and a tree
2) stony headwear & rodent puck handler
3) locomotive accident & a wading bird’s garbage
4) a prim and proper man from Stockholm & a sugary necessity

ANSWER:

1) cave brat & brave cat
2) witch daughter & ditch water
3) dairy foods & fairy dudes
4) touch down & Dutch town

Friday’s Quizzler is………. 

In each sentence below, two words are incomplete. The two words end in the same three letters, so they look like they should rhyme, but they don’t. See if you can figure out the missing letters in each sentence.
Example: One symptom of bronchitis is a ro___ co___. (The two words are: rough & cough.)
1. When you g___ up, I will let you climb the ship’s p___.
2. Do you want to be a ri___ swimmer or an ocean di___?
3. The strongest oarsman in the boat is a po___ ro___.
4. The cheap tickets didn’t al___ them to go be___ deck.

                         
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

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