Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, November 28, 2016.     

Favorite Police Emergency Calls: 
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I’ve never cooked one before.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn…I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn….
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…   

“The TSA just released a list of Thanksgiving leftovers that you can carry on and others you have to check, saying you can bring turkey on the plane but not gravy. Which will explain things when you’re at airport security and you see a bunch of people chugging their gravy next to a trash can.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I’m not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million.” -Seth Meyers
“A man in New Orleans could be facing a life sentence for stealing $31 worth of candy from a drug store. I feel for this guy. That has got to be a tough conversation once you’re in prison. ‘Yeah, I’m in for armed robbery and arson, what about you?’ ‘Oh, you know, the new peanut butter Twix.'” -James Corden

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

My family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks. When they were old enough, we began letting our children say the meal prayer. Of course at first they would ask for a pony, a new bike, etc. They soon learned the more important things which should be included in the prayer.
At Thanksgiving we had the whole family over. My nine year old wanted to say the prayer. It went like this: “Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for the turkey, the rolls, the mashed potatoes, the red jiggly stuff, and the bread stuff even though I don’t like it. We ask that You not let us choke on this food.”


Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You made a woman meow?!?” 

ANSWER: From “When Harry Met Sally” – 1989.

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 

Muerte: “My name… is MUERTE!”
Jeff: “Nice to meet you Morty, my name is Jeff.”

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….   Enter words into the following word chain such that each pair of words in the chain forms a compound word. No word can appear in the chain more than one time. Each “?” represents a missing word. Example: girl ? ? shape = girl friend ship shape = girlfriend friendship shipshape.

waist ? tail ? ? side ? ? fall ? ? down ? ? spring ? ? ? hole  

ANSWER: waist coat tail gate way side arm pit fall out put down cast off spring time line man hole

Monday’s Quizzler is………. 

Substitute one letter for the first letter in both words in the pairs to make two new words. Insert that new letter into the appropriate blank below the problem to spell a word.
Tall—Label
Bound—Cough
Slit—Him
All—Are
Rose—Tether


 

             

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

 

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