WELCOME to Wednesday, November 23, 2016.
Thanksgiving One Liners
I’m excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year.
Thanksgiving is great because people tend to speak less when food is lodged in their mouths.
My husband doesn’t think housework is a full-time job. So for Thanksgiving I served him a raw turkey because revenge is a dish best served cold.
You have to smoke a couple of bowls before Thanksgiving dinner. I can’t think of a better time to have the munchies.
There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.
If you didn’t want to sit at the kids’ table then you shouldn’t have seen the new Twilight movie.
I never understood why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn’t the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium.
You don’t need Thanksgiving to hate your family.
If I was a turkey, I’d be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now.
On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment ….. halftime.
They should change the name of Thanksgiving to something more fitting like say, Turkeypocolypse or Stuffing-cide.
Want to really freak someone out? Add 2 extra turkey legs to the turkey when it’s in the oven.
For the first time, we are going to have a HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!
Hope your Turkey is moist and your stuffing in fluffy and when you’re done eating you’ll be nice and stuffy.
Happy Turkey Day, America! Don’t forget to name the turkey and make everyone uncomfortable.
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.”
“Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.”
“She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.”
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A man buys a parrot, only to have it constantly insult him. He tries everything to make the parrot stop, but nothing works. Frustrated, the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After a few minutes the insults stop. The man thinks he might have killed the parrot, so he opens the freezer and takes the parrot out. The parrot is shivering. It stammers, “S-s-sorry for being r-r-rude. Please f-f-forgive me.” Then, after a moment, the parrot softly asks, “W-w-what exactly d-d-did the turkey do?”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
Man 1: “Would you give me a hand with the bags?”
Man 2: [doing a Groucho Marx imitation] “Certainly, you take the blonde and I’ll take the one in the turban.”
ANSWER: From “Young Frankenstein” – 1974.
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You made a woman meow?!?”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Some people believe that January 1, 2000 is the first day of the 21st century. Other people believe that the honor belongs to January 1, 2001. But everyone should agree that January 1, 2002 is the first “sum-day” of the new century- when you write out that date in standard notation, it becomes 01/01/02, and 1+1=2. More generally, a sum-day is a date in which the day and month add up to the year. With that in mind:
A) What is the last sum-day of the 21st century?
B) How many sum-days are there in the 21st century?
ANSWER: A) The last sum-day of the 21st century is December 31, 2043, because 12+31=43, and both the month and day are as big as possible. B) This one is much easier than you might think. The correct answer is 365, because every day in a standard (non-leap) year is part of a sum-day for some year. For example, November 26 is a sum-day for the year 2037, because 11+26=37. The only date for which this principle doesn’t work is the leap day, February 29. That’s because 2+29=31, but 2031 is not a leap year.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Enter words into the following word chain such that each pair of words in the chain forms a compound word. No word can appear in the chain more than one time. Each “?” represents a missing word. Example: girl ? ? shape = girl friend ship shape = girlfriend friendship shipshape.
waist ? tail ? ? side ? ? fall ? ? down ? ? spring ? ? ? hole
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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