WELCOME to Friday, November 18, 2016.
Man’s Helpful Guide to Female Golfing Terms….
Caddy: 2 women talking about a 3rd, who isn’t there to defend herself.
Chip: Time to get our nails done again.
Double Bogie: ‘Casablanca’ followed by ‘African Queen’.
Fairway: Splitting the bill when the girls go to lunch.
Good lie: Weight on our driver’s license.
Greens: Lunch we eat when you’d really prefer a cheeseburger.
Iron: What guys need to learn to do their own shirts.
Rough: Getting a guy to understand, well, pretty much anything.
Slice: No thanks … just a small portion.
Par: The children’s grandfather.
Birdie: Another attractive female golfer.
Wood: Where you can find a ball.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that
perhaps they’re too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)
Any husband who says. ‘My wife and I are completely equal partners’,
is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. (Bill Cosby)
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. (Rita Rudner)
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage,
half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)
My wife dresses to kill.
She cooks the same way. (Henny Youngman)
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St Christopher was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St Christopher to a mansion. It had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.
‘Oh my word, thank you,’ said the taxi driver.
Next, St Christopher led the priest to a rough old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.
‘Wait, I think you are a little mixed up,’ said the priest. ‘Shouldn’t I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God’s word.’
‘Yes, that’s true.’ St Christopher rejoined, ‘But during your sermons people slept. When that taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.’
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? Juliet Forrest: “If you need me, just call.
You know how to dial, don’t you? You just put your finger in the hole and make tiny little circles.”
From “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid” – 1982.
A little known Steve Martin and Carl Reiner masterpiece.
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “The suspense is terrible. I hope it lasts.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
A boy was in detention from talking too much when the teacher was talking. The detention teacher said, “You have to produce a 1000 word essay in 30 seconds…GO!!” The boy actually did it. How? Note: he did not just write “A 1000 word essay” on his paper. You’ll have to be a little more clever than that.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com, www.stlzoo.org