Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, November 10, 2016.   

Random Pondering…….  
1. Why doesn’t McDonald’s sell hotdogs?
2. At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
3. What is Satan’s last name?
4. Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
5. Where does the toe tag go on a dead person if they don’t have toes?
6. If your driving a federal owned car, and you run a stop sign, is it considered a felony?
7. Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commericals that says “Not available in all states”?
8. If you dug a hole through the center of the earth,and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
9. If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?
10. If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and your the main witness, what if you say “no”?
11. Do they bury people with their braces on?
12. How far east can you go before you’re heading west?
13. How does a Real Estate company sell its office without causing confusion?
14. Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?
15. If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park
and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?
16. Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?
17. Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
18. If pro and con are opposites, wouldn’t the opposite of progress be congress?
19. Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don’t taste or smell anything like it.
20. If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
21. Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?
22. If its 11:30 PM Dec 31 in Texas and 12:30 AM Jan 1st in New York and you have a New York driver’s license that expires Jan 2007, does that mean your license has expired?
23. What’s the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?
24. Why is the Lone Ranger called ‘Lone’ if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?
25. When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not
dare that they are difficult. Seneca
Pay no attention to what the critics say;
no statue has ever been erected to a critic. Jean Sibelius
What lies behind us and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. Oliver Wendell Holmes
Each problem that I solved became a rule which
served afterwards to solve other problems. Rene Descartes
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. Will Durant
Readers are plentiful, thinkers are rare. Harriet Martineau

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

Dwayne is a strong young man at the construction site and he was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen, George. After several minutes, George had had as much as he was willing to take. ‘OK, Dwayne, why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?’ he stated thoughtfully. ‘I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.’
‘You’re on, old man,’ Dwayne, the braggart replied, smirking. ‘Let’s see what you got.’
George, the old fellow, reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to Dwayne, he said, ‘All right. Get in.’

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “This is pure snow! Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?”

ANSWER: From “Better Off Dead” – 1985. John Cusack’s first big role.  

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  Uncle Nutzie: “Now it’s time for one of my favorite cartoons. It’s a sad, depressing story about a pathetic coyote who spends every waking moment in the futile persuit of a sadistic roadrunner, who mocks him and laughs at him as he is repeatedly crushed and maimed. I hope you enjoy it!”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

I am four words
Though there appear to be three
Two ways of pronouncing
Three spellings there be.
The first is a manner of indicating, a case being such, or therefore, or a measure of degree.
The second is a pig, female you see.
The third is also on a farm, a manner of planting of seed.
The fourth is to stitch, to hold fabric together, indeed.
Can you tell me now, what word could this be?

ANSWER: In order of appearance: So  Sow  Sow  Sew. The title is a reference to the fact that both sew and sow appear in proverbs (“a stitch in time, saves nine” and “you reap what you sow”)

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

What is this rebus?
QUE___ON

           

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

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