Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, November 7, 2016.   

MORE Thoughts To Ponder…...

1.) Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

2.) If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
3.) The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 
4.) I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
5.) What if there were no hypothetical questions?
6.) If someone with multiple personalities threaten to kill him self, is it considered a hostage situation?
7.) Is there another word for synonym?
8.) Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
9.) What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
10.) If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
11.) Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
12.) If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
13.) Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
14.) What was the best thing before sliced bread?
15.) One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
16.) How is it possible to have a civil war?
17.) If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
18.) If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
19.) Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
20.) Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
21.) Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES….

“The 2016 presidential election is in exactly one week! One weak Republican, and one weak Democrat.” -Seth Meyers
“I saw a new study that says that eating over 1,500 pieces of candy corn could actually kill you. Which shouldn’t be a problem since the current record for eating a piece of candy corn is two.” -Jimmy Fallon
“It was National Stress Awareness day today and due to the election, plenty of people have something to be stressed about. In fact, when asked on a scale of one to 10 how stressed they are right now, most voters punched the pollster in the face.” -James Corden

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

A Swiss guy in New York is looking for directions, so he pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.
“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks.
The two Americans just stare at him.
“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?” he tries. The two continue to stare.
“Parlare Italiano?” No response.
“Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.”
“Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good.” 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You know how Bruce Lee taught ‘the art of fighting without fighting’? Well I did him one better; I learned ‘the art of fighting without knowing how to fight’.

ANSWER: From “The Last Dragon” – 1985. One of the funniest martial arts movies out there.
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  Sam: “You heard her. My daughter said a word. She said ‘pa’.” Daniel: “She was pointing to a mailbox, Sam.”Sam: “That’s right. She pointed to the mailbox as if to say ‘Pa, look, a mailbox’.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Insert one word in each pair to link the two words together. The end of the first word is the beginning of the second.
1. Push __ __ __ Cushion
2. Digital __ __ __ __ __ __ Shy
3. Crystal __ __ __ __ Park
4. First __ __ __ __ __ Clown
5. Bed __ __ __ __ Candy

ANSWER:  1. Pin  2. Camera  3. Ball  4. Class  5. Rock

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you decipher what I am trying to say?
THE SANDY EGG KAZOO

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER SOLVING BANKS                 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

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