Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, November 1, 2016. 

Deep Thoughts for the Day
The things that come to those who wait maybe the things left by those who got there first.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that
weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost, and blamed it on the cost of living.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and overtake them.
Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
Do you ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles
of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.
It’s easy to identify people who can’t count to ten.
They’re in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea… does that mean that one in five enjoys it?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages?  Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES….

“In New York, a group of Burger King employees dressed up their restaurant as a McDonald’s for Halloween. And in an even crazier stunt, Olive Garden employees dressed up their workplace as an Italian restaurant.” -Conan O’Brien
“I miss the days when Halloween was a simple holiday about making ritual sacrifices to evil spirits to ensure a plentiful harvest.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“I love it when people dress up their dogs in Halloween costumes. But I don’t like it when I tell someone how cute their dog looks, and they’re like ‘Hey, that’s my child.'” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

Wayne, a friend of mine, owns an auto-repair business. One day a woman called to inquire when he could work on her car. “I’m not busy now,” he replied. “bring it right in.”
A short time later, the woman pulled into the service bay, stopping her small car perfectly over the wide, deep grease pit.
“Wow!” Remarked Wayne. “That’s great driving. Your wheels only have a couple of inches to spare on each side of the pit.”
She looked blankly at him and asked, “What pit?” 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Mister Lizard, ha ha, would you like a hamburger?”  
ANSWER: Cheech and Chong’s Nice Dreams! This was said by Howie the Hamburger Dude (Pee Wee Herman/Paul Ruebens) when he noticed Sgt. Stedanko (Stacy Keach) was turning into a lizard from smoking the tainted weed. Howie, an escapee from the Casa Del Whackos, also opined his view of “the history of rock ‘n’ roll – Bruce Springsteen’s [screwing] it all up.” Pee Wee’s funniest moments. 
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

What is so incredible about the sentence below?

A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed, houghed, and hiccoughed.

ANSWER: There are 10 occurrences of the letters ‘ough’ all with a different pronunciation (though I agree it may depend on where you are from).

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Our usage dates back a long, long way. While among the first tools, our prototypes were bone and plant. Today we are usually made of steel.
We are related by design but not purposes, though sometimes we work well together, especially in the holding business.
We have relatives of different shapes and sizes. A hollow one is a real sticker and our Chinese cousins can be all over you.
In Great Britain we are a popular name for a pricking or tingling sensation, and to be on us in the U.S. is to be in a state of excessive uneasiness.

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

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