Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, October 24, 2016.
The Voice Of Experience Can Be Sometimes Funny and Sometimes Thought Provoking
James, a young boy of 6, turned to his Grandfather and says, ‘When you die, Grampy, I don’t want your money. Please will you leave me your memory.’
Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so: Douglas Adams
We can only learn to love by loving: Iris Murdock
Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes: Oscar Wilde
These days people seek knowledge, not wisdom. Knowledge is of the past, wisdom is of the future: Vernon Cooper
Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don’t: Pete Seeger
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research
Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards: Vernon Sanders Law
There is a fine line between genius and insanity
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life
Experience is not what happens to a man, it’s what a man does with what happens to him: Aldous Huxley
A light heart lives long: William Shakespeare
Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?: Jay Leno
Imagination is more important than knowledge: Albert Einstein
Change is inevitable; except from vending machines
You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES….  
“The Austrian government announced that they will be tearing down the house where Adolf Hitler was born. But the government said they won’t leave the lot vacant, which means ‘the house where Hitler was born’ might soon be ‘the pilates studio where Hitler was born.'” -James Corden

“Every four years Scholastic News Magazine sponsors a mock election where kids from all over the country cast a vote for president. The results have been correct in every election since 1964 and this year Hillary Clinton won in a landslide; she beat Trump 52-35. The other 13 percent voted for SpongeBob.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A new survey found that 55 percent of men expect to pay on the first date. While the other 45 percent have never been on a second date.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My husband and I decided to take our two children, then ages seven and three, to our favorite “adult” restaurant for the first time. The younger child refused to stay in her seat and danced around our table. Her sister, tears rolling down her face, laughed loudly at the three-year-old’s antics and pounded the table.
Beet-red with embarrassment, my husband warned them through clenched teeth, “If you don’t start behaving, you’ll never eat out with us again!”
The man at the next table leaned over to his wife. “Look dear,” he said. “Quality time!”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Okay, how’s this for our new Friday lineup: 8 o’clock, “Druids on Parade”; then “The Volcano Worshippers’ Hour”; followed by “Underwater Bingo for Teens” and “Fun With Dirt”.”
ANSWER:  UHF! George Newman (Weird Al Yankovic) said this when they were developing new shows for his recently inherited TV station. They sound like they’d be major hits compared to what they show on TV these days. Thank heavens for the Internet. Released in 1989, “UHF” is a cult classic, also starring Victoria Jackson, Michael Richards, Billy Barty, and Gedde Watanabe. Michael Richards plays an idiot in this one, a real stretch for him.
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “A gun rack?! I don’t even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do with a gun rack?”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Jake and his friend Paco had very famous challenge sessions at their school. One would suggest something they could do, and the other would prove it wrong somehow.

One day, Jake surprised Paco by stating: “I can answer any question in the world.”

Sure that he would win the challenge, Paco accepted the task of proving it wrong. He wrote up a test full of impossible questions. After a while, Jake returned the test. Paco unbelievably lost the challenge and told Jake he could indeed answer any question. How did Jake win?

ANSWER: For all the impossible questions, Jake simply wrote “I don’t know”, or gave an incorrect answer. Jake never said the answer had to be correct!

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Fill in the blank below with a word that means the same as the word on the left when read normally and fits the definition on the right when read backwards.

Friends _________ hit sharply.

Rinds of fruit __________ What we do with over one third of our lives.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   

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