Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, October 17, 2016.     

Educational Puns…

1. Little Jimmy told his teacher he never saw a humming bird but he had watched a spelling bee. 

1. The high school music teacher was quite controversial. He told his students to read band books.  

3. I used to work as a high school ceramics teacher, but I got too close to the kiln and I was fired. 

4. My son’s spelling test consisted of synonyms of the word incorrect. He was able to write every wrong. 

5. After periodic doubts about his vocational calling, the young chemistry teacher concluded he was out of his element.  

6. We’re not getting anywhere in geometry class. It feels like we’re going in circles.  

7. I can never understand my trigonometry teacher because he always talks in sine language. 

8. As long as the imperial system is in place a ruler will be afoot. 

9. Only the squares are doing well in geometry class. It’s their area. 

10. Decimals have a point.

11. Geometry shapes my life! 

12. The math teacher was a good dancer – he had algorithm. 

13. The calculus teacher tried to keep his students on task, but the class discussion kept going off on tangents. 

14. The girls swim team has a new coach who acts like she knows everything. Her name is Claire Buoyant. 

15. An English teacher, who was dreadfully afraid of insects, while on a picnic screamed like a little girl when he saw there was an antonym. 

16. If you see an improperly lower-cased letter, you must capitalize on it. 

17. The man who bought too much graphing paper didn’t know where to draw the line. 

18. The poor speller tried to express his reluctance to repeat sixth grade, but words failed him.  

19. In equations with square numbers I can never find the root of the problem.  

20. I need to do my philosophy homework but I just Kant.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“Paris Hilton just bought an $8,000 Chihuahua. The dog weighs 12 ounces. I’ve eaten hot dogs that weigh more than 12 ounces. That’s not even officially a dog, that’s a hamster; she spent eight grand on a hamster.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A new study estimates that Pokemon Go players took over 100 billion steps in the last three months. Unfortunately not one of them was toward a date.” -Seth Meyers

“A new study finds that having acne could be a good thing because it protects your skin from aging. And then teenagers were like, ‘Right now it just feels like it’s protecting me from girls.'” -Jimmy Fallon  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

I was walking past an alley last night, when I heard, “Help! Help!” coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady’s handbag, but she was putting up a heck of a fight and wouldn’t let go. 

I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn’t see anything. 

I finally decided that I should help. 

 She was one tough old lady, but the three of us finally got that handbag. Emoji

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “Thank you for the cookies. I’m really looking forward to tossing them.”

ANSWER:  Twins! Julius (Arnold Schwarzenegger) said this to Marnie (Kelly Preston) after she baked him some cookies. Julius was still trying to learn the American jargon at the time. Ahhh-nold is still trying to learn the American language to this day.

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Let’s have a bachelor party, with chicks and guns and firetrucks and hookers and drugs and booze!”

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

All except one of the following animals have something in common. What feature connects them? Which does not fit with the others in the list? 
Dog, Cat, Ape, Goat, Wolf, Badger, Monkey, Squirrel 
 

ANSWER: GOAT does not fit – the others are all human actions (verbs)

Dog = to follow (someone) closely

Ape = to copy, mimic

Cat = to raise an anchor or flirt (slang)

Wolf = to eat greedily

Badger = to pester (someone), ask repeatedly for something

Monkey = to fool around; to tamper (with)

Squirrel = to hide things away in a safe place 

 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Lost in the woods, you come upon a mysterious stranger who hands you two large spheres made of two kinds of opaque marble. The spheres look the same, are the same size and have the same weight and apparent density; however, one is solid and the other hollow. The hollow sphere contains a tiny map that will enable you to navigate your way home. Unfortunately, you cannot break the spheres. The stranger agrees to open the sphere that contains the map only if you can determine which sphere is hollow. How do you determine which sphere is hollow?
 
 
 
 
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org 

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