Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, October 11, 2016.   

Neologism……

Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

Cantankerous(n), able to drive a tank.

Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.

Defenestration (n.), Uninstalling Windows 7 and then installing Linux.

Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“Over the weekend, a 102-year-old woman got herself arrested so she could check that off of her bucket list. Now, it all seems like a cute story until you learn that the arrest was for triple homicide.” -Conan O’Brien

“Two guys in New Hampshire were arrested after they tried to rob a group of people playing Bingo. Cops became suspicious when they saw a car driving away from the Bingo hall going more than 10 miles an hour.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A study has found that some people can suffer symptoms of withdrawal when they are forced to stay away from social media sites. This is why I’m not even on Facebook. I update my high school yearbook manually with a pen.” -Jimmy Kimmel  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A man and his friend were exiting a drugstore and at the front door there was a scale.

“Look, a scale,” the man said to his friend. “Let’s see how my new diet is working out.”

He stepped on the scale.

“I can’t believe it!” he said as he read the result. “I’ve been on this diet for two weeks but the scale says I’m heaver than I was before! How can that be?”

He pondered this as he stepped off the scale, then had a thought. He took off his jacket and handed it to his friend. “Here, hold my jacket,” he said.

The friend took the jacket as the man stepped back on the scale.

Not much change.

“Here,” he said as he handed his purchase from the drugstore to his friend. “Hold my Twinkies too.”Emoji 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You know, if I wasn’t in uniform, I’d split your skull with the butt of this revolver faster than you could say, ‘Police brutality’.” 

ANSWER: National Lampoon’s Vacation! This was said by the police officer (James Keach) that pulled over the Griswolds when he saw Dinky (Aunt Edna’s dog) being dragged along for “a mile or so” after Clark forgot to untie the leash from the bumper when packing the car. Classic scene.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “What you’re telling me, essentially, is that Napoleon was a short, dead dude?”

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Insert the words in COLUMN II into the spaces in COLUMN I to form words. Do not rearrange the letters.
 
COLUMN I…………. COLUMN II
 
IN_ _ _ _O………….ACHE
CON_ _ _ _ NT……..AUNT
H_ _ _ _ING………..BAND
EX_ _ _ _ENT……….BITE
OR_ _ _ _R…………CELL
TA_ _ _ _RY………..CENT
DIS_ _ _ _T…………CHAR
FOR_ _ _ _ TE………COLA
AL_ _ _ _ R………….DIME
EM_ _ _ _ Y………….DOME
PER_ _ _ _ TE……….EACH
A_ _ _ _ ON………….FERN
DIS_ _ _ _ GE……….JOIN
O_ _ _ _ TER………..LOVE
IN_ _ _ _ IVE………..PATH
IM_ _ _ _OR…………PEST
B_ _ _ _LOR…………POST
T_ _ _ _ER…………..TUNA 
 

ANSWER:  INFERNO

CONDIMENT

HAUNTING

EXCELLENT

ORBITER

TAPESTRY

DISJOINT

FORTUNATE

ALLOVER

EMPATHY

PERCOLATE

ABANDON

DISCHARGE

ODOMETER

INCENTIVE

IMPOSTOR

BACHELOR

TEACHER

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

What classic western phrase is represented by this?
 
TtHhIeSbToOtWhNof us
 
 
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org 

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