Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, October 10, 2016.   

The difference between ‘Men’ and ‘Guys’

Men: know what they want to be doing five years down the road. Guys: are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight.

Men: read Crichton, watch 60 Minutes, play golf. Guys: read King, watch Seinfeld reruns, play poker.

Men: wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces. Guys: wear high school T-shirts they’ve actually owned since high school.

Men: balance their checkbooks. Guys: balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy twice in a row.

Men: claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner. Guys: claim to be feminists so they can let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner.

Men: are afraid of becoming their fathers. Guys: are afraid of becoming men.

Men: put you on the phone when their mothers call. Guys: pretend you’re not there when their moms call.

Men: start their own businesses. Guys: quit their jobs.

Men: are experts on women’s erogenous zones. Guys: are experts on their own erogenous zone.

Men: order wine based on more than the price. Guys: bring their own beer.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

 “Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a pair of socks meant to be worn with sandals from 2,000 years ago. Scholars say it’s evidence of the first German tourist.” -Conan O’Brien

“The first and only vice-presidential debate of this election season was held tonight, and it was pretty much the same as the debate I had with my wife about painting the foyer. ‘Do we want eggshell or ivory?'” -Seth Meyers

“A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after police used Google Earth to track him down. So if you’re one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks the government is watching you with satellites from space, you were right.” -Jimmy Fallon

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

College meals are generally unpopular with those who have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason. 

“What kind of pie do you call this?” asked one student indignantly.

“What’s it taste like?” asked the cook.

“Glue.”

“Then it’s apple pie. The plum pie tastes like soap.”Emoji  

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Who dumped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.”  

ANSWER: Animal House! This was said by Dean Vernon Wormer (John Vernon) when he decided to put Delta House on “double secret probation”, whatever that is. “Animal House” is, bar none, the greatest comedy of all time. Belushi’s first and greatest role.  

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You know, if I wasn’t in uniform, I’d split your skull with the butt of this revolver faster than you could say, ‘Police brutality’.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

The answers to the following definitions all start with the prefix “para”. It might take a bit of lateral thinking to figure them out! For example, the definition: “Two places where a building is being constructed” would have the answer “Parasites”.
 
1. Two tender green plant growths
2. Two 10-cent pieces
3. Two male bovines
4. Two shark appendages
5. Two untruths
6. Two furry family members
BONUS: 
7. Two dorky guys from “New Joisey”  
 

ANSWER: 1. Parachutes, 2. Paradigms, 3. Parables, 4. Paraffins, 5. Paralyze  6. Parapets, 7. Paranoids 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Insert the words in COLUMN II into the spaces in COLUMN I to form words. Do not rearrange the letters.
 
COLUMN I…………. COLUMN II
 
IN_ _ _ _O………….ACHE
CON_ _ _ _ NT……..AUNT
H_ _ _ _ING………..BAND
EX_ _ _ _ENT……….BITE
OR_ _ _ _R…………CELL
TA_ _ _ _RY………..CENT
DIS_ _ _ _T…………CHAR
FOR_ _ _ _ TE………COLA
AL_ _ _ _ R………….DIME
EM_ _ _ _ Y………….DOME
PER_ _ _ _ TE……….EACH
A_ _ _ _ ON………….FERN
DIS_ _ _ _ GE……….JOIN
O_ _ _ _ TER………..LOVE
IN_ _ _ _ IVE………..PATH
IM_ _ _ _OR…………PEST
B_ _ _ _LOR…………POST
T_ _ _ _ER…………..TUNA
 
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org 

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