Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

funny-dog-pictures-i-was-like-oh-my-god

WELCOME to Friday, October 7, 2016.    

911 Calls…..  

* A call came into 911 Emergency because two couples were going to share a hotel room and there weren’t enough towels.

* A man called 911 and said: “Please connect me to Seitzerland.”

* A lady called 911 because of a fight going on in a parking lot. When asked to describe the combatants, she said: “I’ll try. There’s one man, and he’s dressed like Elvis. He’s kicking another man who’s laying on the ground and screaming ‘You ain’t nothing but a hound dog.'”

* Another person called to report he had the hiccups.

* A thirteen-year-old boy called to report he had “stuff” coming from his navel. Paramedics examined the boy and all they found was belly-button lint.

* A male complainant called and requested police call gas stations on all exits of I-95 to find out which ones were open.

* A woman called emergency to report she had seen a wild mouse in her house.

* Someone called 911 to report the parrot got out of his cage and was in a tree outside.

* A man broke up with his girlfriend and wanted police to go by her house and report to him the owners of any cars, other than hers, in her driveway.

* A man called to report he had a roach stuck in his ear.

* A guy called to ask if they delivered dope. When the person answering told him it was the Sheriff’s Department, he hung up.

* Another winner called to ask when the Cinco de Mayo celebration was. (Cinco de Mayo means the 5th of May)

* A female complainant called to request a police officer come to her residence to change the battery in her smoke detector. She couldn’t reach it.

* A drunk called 911 to order a pizza.

* A woman called to report that someone had trespassed on her property. When asked how she knew this, she reported that the person had trimmed her rose bushes, and she knew it was her next-door neighbor.

* A person called to find out the number to the police station.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are true.” –Sir Winston Churchill

“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.”–Mark Twain

“Recommend to your children virtue; that alone can make them happy, not gold.” –Ludwig van Beethoven   

“Silence is golden when you can’t think of a good answer.” –Muhammad Ali 

“Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.” –Immanuel Kant 

“I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.” –Hunter S. Thompson 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Little Donna was in the back yard filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the rosy-faced youngster was doing, he asked, “What are you doing there, Donna?”  “My goldfish died,” replied little Donna tearfully without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”

The neighbor laughed and said condescendingly, “That’s a really big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”  Little Donna patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat.”Emoji 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “Allison, I am bad! I am so bad! I am so bad I should be in detention.”  

ANSWER: Easy Money! Julio (Taylor Negron), with the help of his friend, a la Cyrano de Bergerac, said this to Allison (Jennifer Jason Leigh) when he tried to win back her love. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Who dumped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

 Ok, so here is the deal. One day, you get a call from some random guy who says “Next week, ABC stock is going to move up. I’m not asking you to buy any stock from me, but just take a look.” You do so (why not, it can’t hurt…) and he was correct. Sure enough, next week you get another call from the “Lucky Guesser”. His pick? “DEF is going to go down.” And guess what! He was right again!
 
For five weeks, this guy predicts the behavior of stocks. The sixth time he calls, he says, “I’ve been right the past five times. This time I have a stock for you and I do want you to buy some shares through me. What do you say?” 
 
Well, what do you say? Do you buy shares from this guy?
 

ANSWER: Heck no! He’s playing you like a puppet. The first week, he calls 100 people, says to half that ABC will go up, and to the other fifty claims it will go down. When ABC goes up, he called the fifty he’d correctly predicted to and told half DEF would go up, and half it would go down. By the time he’s at week five, he has a few people (2-4) thinking he’s a stock market god.

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

The answers to the following definitions all start with the prefix “para”. It might take a bit of lateral thinking to figure them out! For example, the definition: “Two places where a building is being constructed” would have the answer “Parasites”.
 
1. Two tender green plant growths
2. Two 10-cent pieces
3. Two male bovines
4. Two shark appendages
5. Two untruths
6. Two furry family members
BONUS: 
7. Two dorky guys from “New Joisey”
 
 
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org 

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