Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, October 5, 2016.        

Maturity – Useful Advice!

Here are a dozen or so useful pieces of advice designed to put you in a reflective mood. 

I’ve learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.  

As I’ve Matured… I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I’ve learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, 

not proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others — they are 

more screwed up than you think.

I’ve learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I’ve learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished. 

I’ve learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

I’ve learned that ex’s are like fungus, which keeps coming back.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I’ve learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Finally, I’ve learned that I don’t suffer from insanity – I enjoy it!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I’m not there I carry on as usual. – Patrick Moore

Operator! Give me the number for 911. – Homer Simpson

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you’re twenty minutes. – Oscar Wilde

Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning? – George W Bush

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said, ‘No, Six should be enough.’ – Les Dawson

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil. – Paul Getty 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

 Ian arrived at a very popular restaurant and he was dismayed to find it very crowded. Approaching the hostess Ian asked, ‘Will it be long?’

The hostess, seemingly ignoring Ian continued writing in her reservations book.

Thinking she had possibly not heard him the first time, Ian decided to ask again. ‘How much time is the wait for a table?’

Looking up from her book, the hostess smiled and said, ‘Oh, only about ten minutes. We will inform you when your table is ready.’

A short time later, Ian heard an announcement over the intercom system, ‘Willette B. Long……… Willette B. Long, your table is ready.’Emoji 

 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “He had yellow eyes. So, help me God, yellow eyes.”

ANSWER: A Christmas Story! The narrator (Ralphie) said this about Scut Farkus, the local neighborhood bully.

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Allison, I am bad! I am so bad! I am so bad I should be in detention.” 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

See if you can figure out three words that are homophones of each other in each of the five problems below.
 
1. Worthless – flat piece moving with the air – blood vessel
2. Path or direction – to measure weight – watery part of milk 
3. Having no money – careful study; microscopic hole – to flow freely
4. Warty frog – having toes – pulled ahead
5. A cry – welt; corduroy ridge – large oceanic mammal
 

ANSWER: 1. Vain – vane – vein

2. Way – weigh – whey

3. Poor – pore – pour

4. Toad – toed – towed

5. Wail – wale – whale 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Ok, so here is the deal. One day, you get a call from some random guy who says “Next week, ABC stock is going to move up. I’m not asking you to buy any stock from me, but just take a look.” You do so (why not, it can’t hurt…) and he was correct. Sure enough, next week you get another call from the “Lucky Guesser”. His pick? “DEF is going to go down.” And guess what! He was right again!
 
For five weeks, this guy predicts the behavior of stocks. The sixth time he calls, he says, “I’ve been right the past five times. This time I have a stock for you and I do want you to buy some shares through me. What do you say?” 
 
Well, what do you say? Do you buy shares from this guy?
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!
NICE WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org 

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