Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, September 30, 2016.      

Pure Witticisms….

I started out with nothing…I still have most of it.

Some days you’re the dog, some days the hydrant.

I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.

If all is not lost, where is it?

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.

I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.

It was all so different before everything changed.

Nostalgia isn’t what is used to be.

Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.

A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.

I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.

It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip round the sun.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).

If you’re living on the edge, make sure you’re wearing your seat belt.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere.

Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.

Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding 

which bringeth peace. – Helen Keller

People seldom do what they believe in, they do what is convenient, and then repent. – Bob Dylan

Is life worth living? It all depends on the liver. – William James

The wise man has long ears and a short tongue. – Anonymous.

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. – Jimi Hendrix

Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. – Unknown, but often attributed to Albert Camus

The secret of a good life is to have the right loyalties and hold them in the 

right scale of values. – Norman Thomas

Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who’ll get the blame. – Bertrand Russell 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

The day’s lesson in Mr Thomas’s kindergarten class was numbers. He wrote a “1” on the board.

“Who knows what number this is?” he said. Several hands went up.

“Michael?” he said.

“That’s a “1,” Michael replied.

“Very Good. And who knows what comes after 1?” Fewer hands went up.

“Margaret?” Margaret replied “2.”

“Very good. And what comes after 2?” Only a couple hands were raised. “Yvonne?”

“3,” Yvonne replied. “Very Good,” said Mr Thomas.

“Now, what comes after 3?” she continued. Only Pat’s hand was raised. “Pat?”

“4 comes after 3!” she said, enthusiastically.

“Very good.” Mr Thomas replied. Pat continued, “And after that comes 5, 6 and 7.”

“That’s right. Very good, Pat!”

“And after that, 8, 9 and 10!”

“Impressive!” said Mr Thomas. “Where did you learn your numbers?”

“My father taught me,” Pat answered.

“Well, you have a very caring and attentive father,” Mr Thomas said.

“Yes, he’s the best!” was Pat’s reply.

“Did he teach you what comes after 10?”

“Yes,” Pat said. “Jack, Queen, King and Ace.”Emoji

 

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I know everything there is to know ’bout the shrimpin’ business.” 

ANSWER: Forrest Gump!  Bubba (Mykelti Williamson) said this to Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks) on the bus to boot camp. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “I have two sons. One I put through college. The other I put through a wall.” 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

What number, when spelled out, has no repeated letters and has each of the vowels (not including Y) once? 

ANSWER: Five thousand 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Fill in the sentence below so that the first two words combine to make the third word. For example, given “The ____ was closing in, making his ____ harder but through his ____ of contacts he was able to evade the police.” you would fill in NET, WORK, and NETWORK. 
 
The ____ count in the imported food was particularly worrying as there weren’t ____ holes in the packaging, which had been shipped from ____.
 
 
 
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org 

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