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WELCOME to Wednesday, September 28, 2016.   

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

Knowing when to come in out of the rain

Why the early bird gets the worm

Life isn’t always fair

and maybe it was my fault

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers:

I Know My Rights

I Want It Now

Someone Else Is To Blame

I’m A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.

Samuel Butler

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable. Mark Twain

Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy. Ambrose Bierce 

The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

James Baldwin

Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. Alfred Lord Tennyson

Art is science made clear. Jean Cocteau

The best way to become acquainted with a subject is to write a book about it. Benjamin Disraeli

Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. John Kenneth Galbraith

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool. Jane Wagner

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, ‘Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like. 

The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man’s mouth water.

The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.

The Lord said, ‘You have seen Hell.’ 

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.

There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man’s mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.

The holy man said, ‘I don’t understand.’

‘It is simple,’ said the Lord. ‘It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.’Emoji

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Beef jerky time!”

ANSWER: Trading Places! Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) said this on the train when he and the others were trying to trick Clarence Beeks (Paul Gleason). He took out his beef jerky and offered it to the others, to which a disguised Coleman (Denholm Elliott) replied, ‘No, thank you, son. Gives me the winds something terrible.'”

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear. And when I do, it’s usually something unusual.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Sam loves to communicate by using rebus puzzles. This is sometimes confusing for other residents of 
the university dormitory. One night, this sign was posted on Sam’s door: 
NIOILTE
FIRE
The other residents have no idea what Sam is up to. Do you? 

 

ANSWER: Sam is “burning the midnight oil”.  OIL is in the middle of NITE, so it is midNITE (or midnight) oil. Since the midnight oil is on FIRE, it is burning. To “burn the midnight oil” means to stay up working, and especially studying, late at night. This harkens back to the days when people used oil lamps at night.

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

I am a set of three words, all with the same six letters.
First I am a kingdom, though not royally so.
Then spell me backwards, and I become a thin plate.
Now rearrange my consonants, leaving my vowels in place …
I am now a type of paper.
 
What are the words?
 
 
 
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org 

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