WELCOME to Monday, September 26, 2016.
Ageing: eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The easiest way to find something that’s lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
If at first you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you try doing it like your wife told you?
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
He who hesitates is almost certainly right.
Did you ever notice? The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ‘XL’.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt..
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it’s called golf.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“A new study says we should change how we feed cows so they don’t produce so much of the greenhouse gas methane. First up, they recommend eliminating taco night.” -Conan O’Brien
“A guacamole-themed restaurant is set to open in New York on Friday, and it already turned brown.” -Seth Meyers
“A school in Tennessee is facing criticism for separating students with bad grades from students with good grades at lunch. Thats crazy! You dont use grades to separate kids. Everyone knows that kids should be separated by clothes, looks, and how much money their parents make.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
I’m not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, ‘Thanks for putting up with me so long.’
When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.
“Just where do you think you going?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” I said.
She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: “Thanks for putting up with me. So long.”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Let’s say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. According to this morning’s sample, it would be a Twinkie 35 feet long, weighing approximately 600 pounds.”
ANSWER: Ghostbusters! This was said by Dr. Egon Spangler (Harold Ramis) when describing the potential disaster that loomed on the horizon. I thought this was a pretty easy question with which to start. Ummm, Twinkie.
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “…Because they knew that this England place was bogus, and if we didn’t get ourselves some cool rules, pronto, we’d just be bogus, too.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
ANSWER: Beauty is only skin deep. When spoken quickly the letters B-U-T sound like the word “beauty,” and “B-U-T” is only as deep as the word “SKIN” is.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….